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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Mike Bianchi is Super-Smart.

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Hi. I’m Mike Bianchi. Can I get you a Fresca?

Bald fatty and Orlando Sentinel sports columnist Mike Bianchi is giving Florida fans his own no-hurl guarantee on Donovan. Don’t forget, friends, Mike Bianchi is very smart — so smart he was the only one who figured out that Florida’s basketball legacy is equally as strong as Kentucky’s. Bianchi is purporting his own guarantee that Donovan isn’t leaving Florida in “a million-zillion years.”

I know what you’re all thinking, and that is that a million-zillion years seems a little far-fetched, especially considering the estimated age of the universe, the predicted future of the planet earth and Coach Donovan’s assumedly normal life span as a human being. But don’t question Mike Bianchi. As we’ve seen, he does his research and he is a bastion of journalism. Just note, in this article, all the sources he mentions who have been telling him Donovan is staying, which number in the zeroes.

Anyway, in the interest of fair comment journalism, I wanted all of you to have this information. And, just in case, access to his email also — please, Lord, give us a reason to use it again.

If interested, please see below.

That is all.


No Way that Donovan Goes to Kentucky

Article written by C.M. Tomlin