I never thought I would say this about the Michael Vick fiasco, but in this instance it is true….part of the story is going underreported. Oh yes, you know that Michael likely engaged in dog fighting, held gambling rings in his house and was allegedly part of a group that beat dogs to death if they lost…..but how many of you knew he bought missles from Iran? Yes if you are just a regular news reader you may not have seen the story today that an inmate in a prison in South Carolina has sued Michael Vick for damages for…..well some amazing stuff. I dont often call things must reads, but this most certainly is. You MUST read this complaint as it may be the best thing I have seen in months. Below are some selected sections…..and yes they are real:
Comes now the Plaintiff Jonathan Lee Riches, in pro-se, Moves this Honorable Court to issue an order for Defendant Michael Vick to give a Response……As Plaintiff is claiming that his Federal and State Constitutional Rights are being violated under the 1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 8th and 14th amendment of the Constitution. For relief, Plaintiff seeks 63,000,000,000 Billion dollars backed by gold and silver delivered via “UPS” United States Parcel Service to the front gates of the FCT Williamsburg Salters S.C., collected from Defendant Michael Vick.
I am not sure what is better…..the fact that Riches wants to collect 63 Billion Billion dollars or that he doesnt trust the currency system used by the world economies and needs his money “backed by gold and silver.” So what did he do you may ask?
On April 20, 2007, Mr. Vick stole two white mixed pit bull dogd from my residence in Holiday, Florida, and used them for dog fighting throughout the Richmond Area… . On April 28th, Mr. Vick sold my dogs on EBAY Auction, and used the proceeds to purchase missles from the Iran Government.
Few thought there could exist a group that one would want to associate with less than Professional dogfighters….but now it turns out that Vick may have turned to a member of the Axis of Evil…..nice career move.
Michael Vick continued to harass me on May 4th, 2007, by stealing my identity from my coat. My identity was used to open new store account cards to Pets Mart and Doggie Warehouse to purchase food for Mr. Vick’s illegal dog fighting operation.
Even though Vick is a pro football player, amazingly he still couldnt get a credit card at Pets Mart….thankfully he had seen a random prisoner’s coat….life gives you lemons, you make lemonade
Michael Vick violated my copyright laws by using my copyright name on his personal football outfit and casual clothing without paying for the use. This conspiracy started Jan 10th, 2001, until the day this suit was written. Mr. Vick uses my name to sell t-shirts, Jonathan Lee Riches mugs, Mr. Riches hats.
Vick was making a killing on those Jonathan Lee Riches mugs….soon to be available on KentuckySportsRadio.com
(1) On Feb 10th, 2007 Michael Vick plead allegiance to Al-Qaeda
(2) Michael Vick subjected me to microwave testing
(3) Michael Vick used drugs in school zones
(4) Michael Vick is in the business of illegal steroids.
Everyone will likely focus on the pledge to Al-Qaeda or the microwave testing….but I want to commend Riches for stopping Vick’s drug use in school zones….it was a plague on society.
Plaintiff prays this court will issue a Temporary Restraining Order against Michael Vick so he can no longer sell my copyrighted materials. Michael Vick can’t steal anymore of my animals (dogs) for dog fighting. Michael Vick has to stop physicall hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes.
Ah yes…..who knew you could sue for having one’s hopes dashed? If so, fat girls everywhere will be levying a lawsuit against the Turkey Hunter on his wedding day.
So there you go, tough day for Vick. Hopefully he has good insurance…..63 billion billion dollars is quite a bit….and because it is backed by silver and gold, even a pending market crash will not help Michael one little bit.