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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Men at Work’s Wednesday News and Views

Good morning, my dear KSR friends, and welcome to your Wednesday News and Views for July 7, 2010.  On a day where a former college basketball coach was arrested for shoplifting a man purse (pretty much blogging gold), it’s actually a story of extreme sadness that has earned overnight honoring.  On this Wednesday, we pay tribute to a monumental legal ruling that hit the news wire late Tuesday night and sent World History textbooks back to revision board.  After nearly 30 years of making heads bob and a decade after a moving rendition to close the Olympics, a horribly crooked judge in Sydney, Australia ripped the hearts out of music fans everywhere by ruling that music pioneers Men at Work plagiarized the flute solo in their 1981 chart-topper “Land Down Under” from one of the original kid’s jams, “Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree”.  Possibly because the testimony lacked any sort of heartfelt pleading similar to Vanilla Ice’s “mine goes dun-dun-dun-duh-dun-dun-dun”, Australia’s courts awarded 5% royalties to what appears to be some sort of girl scouts organization.  It was a crushing blow to anyone who ever got their geography lessons from their parents’ (or their own) cassette collection and for those of us who could rely on Men at Work to get us through a long day of work at Fayette Mall.  If I find out the sax solo from “Who Can it Be Now?” was ripped off of “Hot Cross Buns”, I’m calling this guy and we’re taking fires to the streets.

Now onto some UK news…

 – Apparently seeing no further challenge in competing for recruits on American soil, Coach Cal headed off to Germany to do a little recruiting.  For those of you hoping he is going to return with one of Gunther Behnke’s relatives sporting a financial aid package, I’m deeply sorry.  It turns out that Cal is in the land of the hot potato salad to show some love to a handful of red, white and blue recruits including commits Michael Gilchrist and Marquis Teague, as well as Johnny O’Bryant and Tony Wroten.  However, if my prayers are answered, it also means that Cal is meeting with Holger Gerschwinder, private advisor to Dirk Nowitzki, and Josh Harrellson will be playing sax, doing handstands and rollerblading his way to All-SEC honors.

 – Speaking of recruiting, the biggest (and possibly the only important) name still on the board in the class of 2011, Quincy Miller, told Jody Demling that he’s “feeling Louisville”.  Q (can I call you “Q”?) cited a good relationship with Pitino ringer assistant Tim Fuller, which likely lost its luster when Marquis Teague called him and said “You’re not really falling for that ‘I hired an assistant you like’ bit, are you?”. 

 – Pulling the bizarro Calipari, Miller continued to chat with the local media and made some time for the Good Doctor, Jerry Tipton.  Miller told the good doctor that the talent at UK was impressive and that he could join UK’s top 2011 class.  He then paused and said, “They probably have too many guys” and “I’ll keep you guessing”, which could only further encourage LeBron James comparisons.  Miller also told Tipton that he got in some trouble in Chicago (he wouldn’t tell Jerry what it was) and Fresh Prince’d his way to North Carolina, which helped him raise his C-average to A’s and B’s.  This led to Jerry’s first natural erection since 1989.

 – I feel like this is the 200th time I’ve written this, but congratulations to Dr. Jim Kovach, UK’s all-time leading tackler, this time for being inducted Tuesday to the Academic All-American Hall of Fame.  That’s great and all, but maybe the more interesting story is Kovach leaving his position at the Buck Institute this week in favor of his Athleticode company, which seems like something out of a Keanu Reeves movie.  Athleticode (if I understand correctly) studies the DNA of athletes and then helps them to understand how those traits correlate to injuries and athletic success.  Mind.  Blown.

 – Daniel Orton proved on Tuesday what Drew Franklin knows all too well.  Sometimes, the second time is just as uneventful and disappointing as the first.  Orton went for 2 points on 0-6 shooting and grabbed only two rebounds in his second professional basketball game.  Though he’s now shooting 7% from the field for his career and is start has been supremely disappointing, all is not lost for a player who Orlando drafted as a project and expected little immediate contribution from.  However, Orton has admitted that he is out of shape (bad, bad idea) and his coach, Patrick Ewing, said he needs to pick up his energy, which are 100% on him.  It’s still ridiculously early, but there’s no doubt he needs a confidence boost in his next game.  Let’s hope he gets it.

 – In somewhat related news, Orton endorsed Coach Cal to the horribly insufferable Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel.  Orton told Bianchi that Cal “really takes care of his guys” and that he “sells his program” to recruits, a concept that Bianchi apparently had never thought to be important in college coaching.  Orton then ended the interview with a handshake and a “rock, chalk, Jayhawk”.

 – In case you even had the teeniest, tiniest doubt in that head of yours that Calipari wasn’t the most powerful man on the face of the earth, a Wall Street Journal story on Amar’e Stoudemire reminds you that Cal is everywhere.  Apparently, Cal and Stoudemire remain close from Amar’e’s prep days when Cal was recruiting him and even went as far as coming to Memphis to work out in the off-season a few years ago. 

 – After much suspense, LeBronapalooza will officially come to an end of Thursday on – gasp! – ESPN.  I thought that airing it in low definition with Lowell Galindo and his fat tie awkwardly tossing slang around would be the most absurd thing the Worldwide Leader could do.  Then, I saw Chris Broussard report tonight that he found out that LeBron would air his announcement on ESPN from “outside sources”.  He’s either the worst reporter of all-time or even ESPN knows how awful this is. 

 – Don’t forget that Vegas summer league starts this weekend and John Wall, DeMarcus Cousins, Patrick Patterson and Eric Bledsoe will make their pro debuts.  I’m accepting sponsorships via check, PayPal, drop-offs in public places or shady handshakes.  Help make my dream come true.

That’s it for now.  Stay tuned throughout the day as we supply you enough UK-themed goodness to make you chunder.  See you in a few…

Article written by Thomas Beisner