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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Meet your newest Wildcats

I really hate doing this on a week where our heroes in blue have a foosball game of such giant proportions, but if you are who Denny Green thought you were, then you’re fiending for a little basketball news as well.  Well, you’re in luck – as long as you weren’t looking for that highly overrated “hard news” because the official bios for the men’s basketball team were posted on UKAthletics.com yesterday.  These personal profiles are much, much more brief than they were in year’s past, making it a little tough to find little nuggets of interest, but I will admit it was getting a little stale with everyone’s favorite music being “Jay-Z”.

So, check out the smiling faces and mean mugs below and learn a few of the interesting things found in a pretty bland group of new guy bios.

josh-harrellson.jpgJosh Harrellson

 – Josh Harrellson likes to be called Big Tall, Big Nasty or Fatboi.  I consider this a big slap in the face of KSR.

 – Josh Harrellson’s high school coach was Gary Wacker.  He would have fit in perfectly in this Tommy Boy scene (fast forward to 7:35).

kevin-galloway.jpgKevin Galloway

 – Has the same Community Comm. & Leadership Development major as Pilgrim.  I guess we found out which program most easily accepts transfer credits.

 – Likes to be called “KG”, which makes sense, but might tick off Kevin Garnett.

deandre-liggins.jpgDeAndre Liggins

 – Likes to be called “The Big Ticket”, which will definitely tick off Kevin Garnett.

 – Kinda looks like Ravi Moss.

darius-miller.jpgDarius Miller

 – Absolutely nothing of interest outside of what we already know.  His middle name, Tiyon, is pretty cool though.  It’s also a city in Tajikistan, but he wasn’t born there so he can still run for President in 17 years.

 – Was born March 21, 1990.  Yes, that is correct.  1990.  This, if my calculations are correct, is not only extremely depressing, but also makes Miller the first Kentucky player ever to be born after the first episode of Saved By the Bell aired.

matt-pilgrim.jpgMatt Pilgrim

 – According to his bio, his nickname is “Mayy P”.  I assume this is just a typo and it should be “Matt P”, but the small chance that this is some sort of clever Thanksgiving pun about the Mayflower and Pilgrim does intrigue me.

 – Has a bit of a strange resemblence to Ramon Harris, although not quite as Doug-like.

donald-williams.jpgDonald Williams

 – Donald’s high school mascot was the Kittens.  I didn’t even make this up.  Somewhere, a mop is standing a little taller.

Other Interesting Tidbits of Those Whom We Already Know

 – Patrick Patterson’s afro is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

 – Patterson likes to be called “Beans”, which hopefully means that this is the end of the painfully uncreative “PPat” – an unfortunate nickname bestowed upon him on some message board many moons ago.

 – Michael Porter is married?!?!?!  Am I the only one in the dark on this one?  And why are my eyes welling up with tears?

 – Ramon Harris, Jared Carter and Perry Stevenson are also Community Comm. & Leadership Development majors.  Here’s one to think about:  If they take Pilgrim and Galloway under their wings, does it count  as extra credit?

 – There are more players born in California (Carter and Galloway) and Louisiana (Stevenson and Williams) than Kentucky (Miller).  However, there is only one “playa” and he was born in Washington D.C. 

Ok, that’s it.  Back to football.

Article written by Thomas Beisner