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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Matt Jones: the Enforcer

If you have been to a game this year I am sure you have seen this gentlemen above dancing like there is no tomorrow during the under 12:00 timeout.  But what is so crazy, is that he gets louder cheers and standing ovations than our beloved Wildcats.  Daren Moscoe is his name and he has become a special treat that I look forward to during the game.  I don’t believe anyone has ever caressed a pole like he has while dancing to “Mony Mony.”  Well, after the game I got the pleasure of meeting Daren and asking him to take a picture with me.  Daren is the definition of a true fan!     

 

Even though, meeting Daren and getting to chat with him for a few minutes after a very emotional and much needed win, this was by no means the highlight of my night.  The following script is a script of the newest Hollywood blockbuster, “Matt Jones: the Enforcer” (Names have been changed due to NCAA rules set forth by the NCAA rules committee) 

 

Note: This story is based on true events (seriously, no joke), although the names have been changed to protect the guilty

 

The scene opens to a capacity crowd at Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky.  Intense fans are cheering their lungs out as two players reach for a rebound.  One player tumbles to the ground (Patrick Patel).  Patrick falls to the floor holding his ankle.  The crowd comes to a midnight silence. 

 

Matt Jones the Enforcer:  Oh man I hope Patrick Patel is ok!

 

Bobby Peters:  I saw it, he just turned it.  It didn’t look too bad.

 

Crowd is deafly silent now wondering if their star player will be able to get up with his own strength.

 

Fan in the Stands from Louisa, KY:  PATRICK PATEL, GET YOUR ASS UP!

 

Matt Jones the enforcer whips his head around like he like a super hero would do.

 

Matt Jones the Enforcer:  Hey! (Slight pause until he gets the fan in the stand’s attention)Hey Buddy!  Shut the hell up!

 

Fan in the stands from Louisa, KY:  (in a low voice) What?  I just want him to get up.

 

Member of the 101 Club: (looking at Matt Jones the Enforcer) Sir Please, Stop.

 

Matt Jones the enforcer: (Matt the enforcer ignores the Member of the 101 Club and resumes his enforcement) JUST SHUT THE HELL UP, OK!  Between you and Patrick Patel, I want YOU to get your ass up and out of here!

 

Bobby Peters has a look on his face as if he doesn’t believe Matt Jones the Enforcer said what he just said.

 

Patrick Patel gets up and the crowd cheers even though he will be out the remainder of the game.

Play Resumes…

Eddie Munster, the Head Coach of the Florida Gaytors calls a timeout.

The Member of the 101 club comes over to Matt Jones the Enforcer and tells him the guy he was screaming at was a child hood friend of Patrick Patel.  Matt Jones feels horrible.  He even gets a little sick to his stomach he feels so bad

 

Matt Jones the Enforcer:  (Goes over to the fan in the stands from Louisa, KY) I am so sorry for calling you out like that.  I run a free sports blog, Kentuckysportsradio.com, you are more than welcome to come check it out.  There are hot girls on there from time to time and if you are nice, I will introduce you to them. I hope this will make up for the pain that I have caused you.  Please forgive me.  Enjoy the rest of the game. (Matt returns to his seat) 

 

The Game ends in spectacular fashion.  Modie Jeeks hits a game winning shot with seconds left on the clock and the cats go on to win 427 to 424.  Modie Jeeks finished the night with 410 points out of his teams 427 points.  It was reported after the game Patrick Patel had to have his foot amputated and Rakalin Sims out of the goodness of his heart donated one of his so the Cat’s season would not be lost.

 

Later that night in a bar, in a city, in a country, on a continent, in a world, Bobby Peters along with 2 other amigos run into the fan in the stands from Louisa, KY.  The bar is not very crowded so the fan in the stands from Louisa invites Bobby Peters along with his amigos to sit with him and his wife.  Bobby Peters couldn’t believe his eyes as it showed on his face. 

 

Bobby Peters:  Wow, what a game!

 

Amigo 1:  Man it was a great game!

 

Bobby Peters:  yeah it was. (Turns to fan in the stands from Louisa, KY) And how about you and Matt Jones the enforcer getting into it tonight?

 

Fan in the stands from Louisa, KY:  (with a strange look on his face) Who?

 

Bobby Peters:  Matt Jones the enforcer is the guy you got into with at the game tonight.

 

Fan in the stands from Louisa, KY:  (with a smirk on his face) Oh that guy.

 

Bobby Peters:  Yeah I am glad he apologized.  He just was taking up for Patrick Patel. We didn’t know you knew Patrick Patel like that.

 

Fan in the stands from Louisa, KY:  Yeeeeahhhh Man (in a really country accent) We grew up together.  People think it was the O.J. Mayo show in Huntington, I’m tellin’ you it was the Patrick Patel Show!

   

Wife of Fan in the stands from Louisa, KY:  Yeah we didn’t know who he was.  He was wearing something around his neck.  I was just wondering what it was.

 

Fan in the stands from Louisa, KY:  Yeah, I was about to be around his neck if he didn’t come over and apologize!!!

 

Bobby Peters and His 2 amigos start rolling on the floor laughing

 

Fan in the stands from Louisa, KY:  Yeah boy, I was going to get a little red!  I don’t like when people agotize me!

 

Bobby Peters: (with a questionable look on his face) Agotize?

 

Fan in the stands from Louisa, KY:  Yeah, Agotize.  I don’t like when people mess with me!

 

Bobby Peters:  Oh ok buddy.  (Looking at his 2 amigos in a weird way.)

 

Bobby Peters goes on to tell the couple that Matt Jones the enforcer likes to enforce and you just have to give him some space.  They understood and they all went on their merry way.  The fan in the stands from Louisa, KY invited Bobby Peters and his Amigos to follow them back to Louisa to shoot deer on the side of the highway but Bobby Peters declined.

Article written by Bobby Perry