The game of the year is only one day away. The Cards are finally going to leave their nesting place and enter Rupp Arena. With Jones’ pinky on the mend, and with Georgetown delivering Chane Behanan a reality check, both teams are going to show up tomorrow ready to play. I’m here to provide you with a little more information on our opponent. For those of you who have never heard of Urban Dictionary, it’s basically a dictionary that defines everything that is slang and hood in today’s era… no better place to go to find out more about our rivals tomorrow.
1) Louisville: A city that claims to be popular for hosting the Kentucky Derby and being the home of Muhammad Ali, it is also the home of the majority of the douche bags that live in the state of Kentucky. When walking the streets of Louisville you are unfortunately likely to run into the majority of the Louisville fan base. Local attractions include the Yum! Center (not a food, but a basketball court) that the Cards call home, and if you’re in Louisville and looking for a good time (usually lasting 15 seconds or less) there’s always Porcinis.
Used in a Sentence: “Want to spend the day in Louisville? No, I’d rather run through hell in gasoline draws.”
2) University of Louisville: Known for their mediocre amenities and their cardinal mascot with teeth… because birds have teeth? Can be summed up by a joke I once heard: How do you know it’s a Louisville graduate at your door when the doorbell rings?… It’s the pizza man.
Nickname: Baby Bro
Used in a Sentence: “The University of Louisville… the place that hood rats, douche bags, and unattractive females call home.”
3) Rick Pitino: A man who’s prime was in 1989-1997 and downfall from 2001- (possibly) 2017. While he lead UK to a national championship in 96′ he later became one of the most hated men in the state when he took the coaching position to look after baby bro. He went from the elite to the lower class. While at Louisville he has made a name for himself…. including adulterer and 15-second man. Pitino is a coach who is more noted for scoring off the court with a woman by the name of Karen Sypher. Along with the L he wears, he will also wear a deeper shade of red in the letter A for the rest of his life.
Used in a Sentence: “Rick Pitino and his Cards are going to get their asses whooped Saturday.” Refer to picture above.
4) Louisville Fans: An obnoxious group of people known for their line beards, flat bills, and wife beaters, with the classier of the bunch being known for their sweater vests (even though there really isn’t a classier of the bunch). Those who fail at life. Those who were the losers in high school and could never fit in with the popular crowd. Those who are OK with always being second best. Those whose parents are probably Louisville fans and failed at raising them. Those who have nothing to live for so decided to jump on a fan base they know nothing about. There’s nothing worse than being a Louisville fan, sane people would rather join the Hells Angels than associate themselves with the low-lifes of Kentucky.
Used in a Sentence: “Dear Louisville fans, I hate your stinking guts, you make me vomit, you are the scum between my toes.”
Come Saturday the Cat’s are going to show those dirty birds who’s boss…. Go Cats!