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Let’s Make This World Cup Thing A Little More Interesting

usa-vs-uk

This is the sport with all the kicking, right?

When it comes to World Cup, we take our soccer seriously.  Why are you laughing?  No, I’m being serious.  I absolutely know three of our players.  Okay two, and one is injured, but still.  The opening game for the United States is coming up and it’s coming against a familiar foe, the bloody red coats from across the pond.  To liven things up, the US and UK embassy’s have agree to put a wager on Saturday’s game. You know, if gambling were legal.  Spoiler alert: the wager is lame.  Whichever side loses takes the winning side out to dinner.  Cut me a break.  Surely we can think of some better stakes, can’t we?

If the Britons win…

–We promise to let them borrow the Minnesota Timberwolves for the next Olympics.  Or the 2012 Kentucky Wildcats, whichever team is better.

–They can have Lady Gaga and Ke$ha, that seems like the kind of crap they’re into.

–Or at least UKAndrew.

–As a nation, we will swear off Bud Light.

If the American’s win…

–The Queen has to go streaking through Times Square.  Naked.

–We get Hugh Laurie and Ricky Gervais.

–We get to rename Great Britain to America: The Prequel.

–We promise not to nuke them.  Can’t say the same for if we lose… Ah who am I kidding, we don’t care that much.  We promise to stop confusing them with France.

I do have to give the Brits some credit though, they finished their challenge with a decent one liner.

“The Ambassador takes his steak like American soccer victories – somewhat rare.”

Boom!  Roasted.

Article written by Will Lentz