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KSR’s Do’s and Don’t’s for Thanksgiving

It’s that wonderful time of year again: Thanksgiving. Over the next few hours (or days), you’ll be surrounded by family and friends, breaking cornbread and pumpkin pie, watching football and catching up. Inevitably, some drama will pop up, whether it be Uncle George taking the last of the Whiskey Sours, or your sister’s slacker boyfriend saying something inappropriate in front of Great Aunt Milly. Honestly, at times, you’ll feel that invisible tug pulling you back to a simpler place, where the Wildcats run free under fifteen Big Blue banners and order is restored under the man we call Cal. With two upcoming games, a coaching search, and countless ridiculous posts by Drew Franklin, you know you’re going to have to check KSR.

So, to help you keep up with the Cats while keeping your manners, here are KSR’s Do’s and Don’t’s for Thanksgiving:

If you’re traveling over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house, DO prepare yourself for the trek by loading your phone or fancy van DVD player with a highlight reel of last year’s championship run. This can also be helpful when things get super stressful with the family and you need to have a “serenity now” moment.

When saying grace, DO find a way to work Cal and the Cats in. Who else gives you such joy on a daily basis? (Kudos to those who said their significant others. Y’all will get an extra slice of pumpkin pie tonight.)

Find yourself at the kids’ table? DO take the opportunity to teach the little ones about the Cats. These early years are so influential in a child’s education. You could be shaping the next generation of Cats fans, after all.

DO NOT check your phone at the dinner table. No matter how stealth you are, everyone’s going to a) know what you’re doing or b) think you’re weird or pervy for staring at your lap so long. If you need a news update that badly…

DO excuse yourself to refill empty glasses. It’s a win-win-win situation: you get to check your phone, look like a gracious host/guest, and Aunt Martha gets more Pinot! Bathroom breaks are also optimal times to check for news, but DO NOT drop your phone into the toilet.

After dinner is over, DO give the kids a fun task so you and the rest of the adults can watch football. My dad’s favorite was always the “Leaf-Raking Race”…too bad for him I saw through that and camped out in front of the TV instead.

If a family quarrel breaks out, DO take it upon yourself to stand up and yell, “WWMKGD, la familia!”. I find that it helps cooler heads prevail.

If a family quarrel breaks out, DON’T get all Digger on your family. Nothing pisses people off more than yelling “LISTEN TO ME” at them over and over again. Chances are the room was probably quiet after the first “LISTEN,” Digger.

DO find a fellow sports fan. Nothing says “No, Aunt Martha, I don’t want to see your scrapbook collection” more than already being deep in conversation with your new BFF about Jack Taylor or Randall Cobb.

Are you traveling into enemy territory, such as Indiana, Louisville, North Carolina, or Tennessee? (Or at this rate, any place in the country?) DO keep perspective. Haters gonna hate, but we got #8.

That being said, if you happen to be traveling into enemy territory, DO feel free to wear every (nice) piece of Kentucky apparel you own. We have to give them perspective as well.

DO take time to toast to Wildcat greats, such as Cal, Nerlens Noel, Willie Cauley-Stein, Alex Poythress, Kyle Wiltjer, Julius Mays, Archie Goodwin, Ryan Harrow, Jarrod Polson, Jon Hood, Sam Malone, Brian Long, Twany Beckham, Tod Lanter, Anthony Davis, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Doron Lamb, Marquis Teague, Terrance Jones, Darius Miller, Brandon Knight, Jorts, DeAndre Liggins, John Wall, DeMarcus Cousins, Eric Bledsoe, Jodie Meeks, Tayshaun Prince, Rajon Rondo, Nazr Mohammad, Wayne Turner, Jamal Mashburn, the Unforgettables…so on and so on until someone’s arm gets tired and they start drinking.

However, DO NOT be a Billy Gillispie. No one likes cleaning up Thanksgiving throw up.

DO take time to catch up with family. With carefully chosen topics, you guys will be laughing like the guy at Wheeler’s in no time.

For the love of Calipari, DO NOT spend a good portion of conversations speculation about what’s going on with Ryan Harrow. It’s tempting, and the situation seems fishy, but Harrow is one of us and needs our support right now, not crazy rumors about his health or well-being.

Hopefully you’ll find yourself amongst “la familia.” If so, the topic of Kentucky’s next football coach will probably come up. DO NOT bring up Bobby Petrino if no one else has. There is no more polarizing figure in Kentucky sports right now. If the topic has already been raised, then game on. Just try not to break any of your mom’s nice china.

DO NOT be offended if no one else gets your KSR inside jokes. Unfortunately, not everyone reads the blog daily, so they may not get why you keep ranking people’s hair on a scale of John Robic to #lakehairdontcare.

If there are Tennessee, Arkansas, or Auburn fans at your table, DO feel free to ask them about their coaching searches. Drama is always fun to watch if it’s not yours.

DO make an effort to move around at some point in the day. Whether it’s a friendly game of touch football in the backyard, channeling your inner Jarrod Polson in the driveway, or making the grand walk from the dinner table to the couch, you gotta Wobble Wobble if you wanna Gobble Gobble!

DO NOT be a Brian Long. Appreciate this time with family and friends.

When indulging in leftovers, DO make like Calipari and eat your turkey on a recliner in your pajamas. Just use a coaster, please.
Happy Thanksgiving, you turkeys.

Article written by Mrs. Tyler Thompson

No, I will not make you a sandwich, but you can follow me on Twitter @MrsTylerKSR or email me.

16 Comments for KSR’s Do’s and Don’t’s for Thanksgiving

  1. Kevin C.
    10:07 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    Did I miss something Brian Long said/did ???

  2. Fake Nate
    10:09 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    Gobble gobble.

  3. UK Homer
    10:12 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    1 – just generally being ungrateful in everything he does since sometime last season

  4. jman
    10:16 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    hoodyhood would like to play… its a shame he’s not ;{)…give him long’s minutes

  5. bluefan
    10:23 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    Lol, Happy Thanksgiving to you & yours, MrsT.

  6. Gavin S.
    10:23 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    In the words of my favorite IPS driver, Doug Heffernan, Thanksgiving, not a good day to be my pants.

  7. Kevin C.
    10:28 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    @ 3 – You have sources/quotes/proof, or is this just hearsay, supposedly from people with “inside knowledge”?

  8. Gypsy Robyn
    10:31 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    Well done! 3 Gobbles!

  9. kramer
    10:44 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    Unfortunatley I live in Louisville, and half of my family is UL fans, I just drink a beer and grin cause we are better than them no matter what they say!!

  10. Lisa
    10:51 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    Great Job!! GOBBLES UP!!!

  11. Rae
    10:55 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    7. It’s a joke from a post game show where someone called in complaining that Brian Long didn’t appreciate this opportunity. Since the caller felt like heneededto find something to complain about, and all.

  12. Fanman
    10:57 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    Toasting/thankful for the LOLs from MrsTT

  13. Rational
    11:11 am November 22, 2012 Permalink

    Don’t worry about the Bobby Petrino stuff because hiring him would be smart and we don’t do smart at UK football.

  14. EC
    12:31 pm November 22, 2012 Permalink

    9) Just ask them about their best memory from their last National Championship. It’s been so long they’ll either not remember or most of them probably weren’t even born yet.

  15. LansingCat
    1:15 pm November 22, 2012 Permalink

    Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow CAT fans out there!

  16. Catlogic15
    2:40 pm November 22, 2012 Permalink

    Very creative post. A fun read!