It’s that wonderful time of year again: Thanksgiving. Over the next few hours (or days), you’ll be surrounded by family and friends, breaking cornbread and pumpkin pie, watching football and catching up. Inevitably, some drama will pop up, whether it be Uncle George taking the last of the Whiskey Sours, or your sister’s slacker boyfriend saying something inappropriate in front of Great Aunt Milly. Honestly, at times, you’ll feel that invisible tug pulling you back to a simpler place, where the Wildcats run free under fifteen Big Blue banners and order is restored under the man we call Cal. With two upcoming games, a coaching search, and countless ridiculous posts by Drew Franklin, you know you’re going to have to check KSR.
So, to help you keep up with the Cats while keeping your manners, here are KSR’s Do’s and Don’t’s for Thanksgiving:
If you’re traveling over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house, DO prepare yourself for the trek by loading your phone or fancy van DVD player with a highlight reel of last year’s championship run. This can also be helpful when things get super stressful with the family and you need to have a “serenity now” moment.
When saying grace, DO find a way to work Cal and the Cats in. Who else gives you such joy on a daily basis? (Kudos to those who said their significant others. Y’all will get an extra slice of pumpkin pie tonight.)
Find yourself at the kids’ table? DO take the opportunity to teach the little ones about the Cats. These early years are so influential in a child’s education. You could be shaping the next generation of Cats fans, after all.
DO NOT check your phone at the dinner table. No matter how stealth you are, everyone’s going to a) know what you’re doing or b) think you’re weird or pervy for staring at your lap so long. If you need a news update that badly…
DO excuse yourself to refill empty glasses. It’s a win-win-win situation: you get to check your phone, look like a gracious host/guest, and Aunt Martha gets more Pinot! Bathroom breaks are also optimal times to check for news, but DO NOT drop your phone into the toilet.
After dinner is over, DO give the kids a fun task so you and the rest of the adults can watch football. My dad’s favorite was always the “Leaf-Raking Race”…too bad for him I saw through that and camped out in front of the TV instead.
If a family quarrel breaks out, DON’T get all Digger on your family. Nothing pisses people off more than yelling “LISTEN TO ME” at them over and over again. Chances are the room was probably quiet after the first “LISTEN,” Digger.
DO find a fellow sports fan. Nothing says “No, Aunt Martha, I don’t want to see your scrapbook collection” more than already being deep in conversation with your new BFF about Jack Taylor or Randall Cobb.
DO take time to toast to Wildcat greats, such as Cal, Nerlens Noel, Willie Cauley-Stein, Alex Poythress, Kyle Wiltjer, Julius Mays, Archie Goodwin, Ryan Harrow, Jarrod Polson, Jon Hood, Sam Malone, Brian Long, Twany Beckham, Tod Lanter, Anthony Davis, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Doron Lamb, Marquis Teague, Terrance Jones, Darius Miller, Brandon Knight, Jorts, DeAndre Liggins, John Wall, DeMarcus Cousins, Eric Bledsoe, Jodie Meeks, Tayshaun Prince, Rajon Rondo, Nazr Mohammad, Wayne Turner, Jamal Mashburn, the Unforgettables…so on and so on until someone’s arm gets tired and they start drinking.
For the love of Calipari, DO NOT spend a good portion of conversations speculation about what’s going on with Ryan Harrow. It’s tempting, and the situation seems fishy, but Harrow is one of us and needs our support right now, not crazy rumors about his health or well-being.
Hopefully you’ll find yourself amongst “la familia.” If so, the topic of Kentucky’s next football coach will probably come up. DO NOT bring up Bobby Petrino if no one else has. There is no more polarizing figure in Kentucky sports right now. If the topic has already been raised, then game on. Just try not to break any of your mom’s nice china.
DO NOT be offended if no one else gets your KSR inside jokes. Unfortunately, not everyone reads the blog daily, so they may not get why you keep ranking people’s hair on a scale of John Robic to #lakehairdontcare.
DO make an effort to move around at some point in the day. Whether it’s a friendly game of touch football in the backyard, channeling your inner Jarrod Polson in the driveway, or making the grand walk from the dinner table to the couch, you gotta Wobble Wobble if you wanna Gobble Gobble!
When indulging in leftovers, DO make like Calipari and eat your turkey on a recliner in your pajamas. Just use a coaster, please.
Happy Thanksgiving, you turkeys.