Hey there kiddos. Ready for the weekend? Boy, I know I am. It’s been a beautiful first few days here at KSR and I’m ready to go celebrate. I’ve already turned my paycheck into a massive stack of 1’s and I’m ready to get the party started tonight. But first, let’s take a second to appreciate all of the things that happened in the world that might not have made it onto our Big Blue Radar here.
(1): First, a baby was born in India with two faces. Sounds kinda cool, right? Well, it is until you realize….well…I take that back, it is F’ing sweet! This has to be one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. And as if this baby isn’t already living the good life with an entire play-by-play team attached to it’s body, it turns out they are worshipping it like a god! That’s strange, I don’t remember Pitino getting that treatment around here…
***Side note: There are plenty more jokes ahead, most of which are probably lamer than the Pitino one above. Proceed at your own risk.
(2): Peanut Butter and Jelly. Batman and Robin. Mitch and Rich. Math and Rap??? I’m not sure if Isiah “J.R.” Rider ever did an NBA public service announcment, but I promise you it didn’t make learning this gangsta.
(3): From the “How did this not happen in Kentucky?” department, a 71-year old man beat up an 81 year-old man inside a Florida Wal-Mart. With a price gun. This is a solid upgrade in weapons from the state that brought you the “Don’t taze me bro” turd.
(4): A brilliant criminal in Spain was foiled after pretending to be dead in order to rob a funeral home. This has to be one of the most insanely intelligent robbery strategies since The Sticky Bandits spent the night inside Mr. Duncan’s toy store and the gang from Saved By The Bell hid inside the tent in the mall’s generic sporting goods store.
(5): Two New Jersey high school students, most likely high on protein powder and amped up over their new haircuts, decide to put together a hit list. No big deal, right? All the kids these days are doing it. What really makes these morons special is that their hit list targeted Chuck Norris. I guess Chuck never apologized to them for making fun of them back at Knibb High.
(6): Not to be outdone by Jay-Z and Beyonce, Ashlee Simpson got engaged to the cutest little elf man I’ve ever seen. When Simpson’s dad was told that Ashlee was engaged, he responded with “Who?” and then resumed trying to bone his oldest daughter.
(7): Ok, I’ll admit it. I’ve watched Laguna Beach and The Hills a few times – but only when I thought it was going to land me some sorority tail back in my UK glory days. Now? Not so much. But, I feel like we all need to support El Capitan Jones a bit and at least follow it enough to humor him. Maybe these “Over the Hills” parody videos will do it for you. It’s elderly people re-enacting scenes from the pseudo-reality dumpfest and it should be enough to keep you afloat and a loyal soldier in the Matt Jones army.
That’s it. Nothing else happened outside of this site.