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KSR Weekly World Report

 Same picture, different week!  Same picture, different week!

It was a busy week on the Big Blue front with lots of news, both good and bad, but with all of this focus on our Cats, there were a few things you might have missed out on.  Here are some of the most important things going on in this wonderful world of ours:

Just to get you updated on your plate tectonics:  I was a little upset to find out that we had an earthquake last night.  When I woke up with your mom and she was talking about feeling the earthquake, I just winked and walked out with a newfound confidence.  Oh well. 

I think we all can admit we’ve done some stupid things in our lives, especially when we were young.  But, I think that there is no amount of peer pressure or alcohol that could convince me and four of my closest friends to climb into an alligator pond and steal an alligator.  But, then again, I wasn’t fortunate enough to roll with The Turtleman when I was growing up.

I’d like to use this space to issue an apology to every girl I’ve ever dated.  I might have thrown the word “crazy” around a little too much when you were brought up in conversation, after we broke up and I want you to know that I take it back.  You have nothing on Tricia Walsh Smith, a woman going through a bitter divorce who decided to go on the offensive and put this video on Youtube.  C-R-A-Z-Y.

With all of the other things going on the world, apparently God found enough time in his busy schedule to tell this woman to direct traffic with her top off.  Luckily, God did not blast Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” or tell anyone to start throwing around singles, as that would have really caused major congestion. 

I don’t really know much about Russian president Vladimir Putin, other than his last name is what I do after eating Taco Bell, but I’ll give him mad props for this move.  Putin divorced his wife and married some Russian gymnast who appears to be smoking hot.  Good work son.  If you couldn’t beat us in the Cold War, you can at least have affairs with hotter chicks, right?

And, from the crapfest that is MTV comes this news, sure to excite Jones, but put us all one step closer to the apocolypse:  Spencer and Heidi from The Hills might be getting their own MTV spin-off show that will feature their life as newlyweds.  In related news, I just took a dump.

See you at Keeneland.

Article written by Thomas Beisner