We did it. Not only did we make it through another long, summer week, but we made it through July. Pretty soon, it will be football season and you’ll forget that you ever had to deal with these posts once a week. Unless you hold grudges. And, that’s not really cool. Now, on to the potty humor…
Anyway, it was quite possibly the dullest week of the summer – unless you accidentally recorded The DaVinci Coedlike I did (scores high on juggy factor, but not so much on dialogue and plot). We kicked the week off trying to figure out what the Curtis Pulley and Will Fidler arrests would mean to the team and we said goodbye to Donte Rumph (we
hardly didn’t even know you) and The Matt Jones Show. We found out that John Wall might be Baylor-bound and that Pat Summittcould change her genitalia 20 times on UT’s recruiting budget. Somewhere in the middle, we gave you plenty of short and insufficient profiles and Duncan Cavanah brought the pain with the most extensive quarterback preview that you’ll find on sites starting with “Kentucky” and ending in “Sports Radio”. Also, Rob Bromley was called to the front of the Media Approval Rankings and split the middle before pulling out on top (that’s what she said).
So, with all of that info on a dull week, it’s no wonder that you need us here to clean up the big stories that you missed this week. So, here’s what you missed while you were reuniting for the most predictable comedy routine outside of these posts….
– Unfortunate news out of Australia for all of the ladies out there. It seems the Australian government finds the practice of rejuvenating surgery on a woman’s special area to be too dangerous and banned the practice. Australian women are now flocking to the U.S. for the only thing sure to bring life back to that special area – a night in the Days Inn with this guy.
– For all of you that have daughters, sisters or girlfriends that have attended college, this is for you. You might have your concerns about her being all alone with no rules and falling victim to the temptations that raging, teenage hormones present in college. But, don’t worry. At least she’s not at UNC cavorting with this guy. And, as one sidenote, is it possible that this guy actually accidentally switched names with my other favorite non-UK athlete? It seems like they should make a name trade just so I don’t feel like they’re both lying to us.
– ATTENTION KSR READERS: A candidate in our Real King of the Bluegrass tournament is in need of some companionship. Former porn star, Predator star, former gubernatorial candidate and current Kentucky Senate candidate Sonny Landham has been dropped by the Libertarian Party! Do I support his statements referring to Arabs as “ragheads” and “camel dung shovelers” and wanting to wipe them out? No way. But I support the hell out of a guy who was on The “A” Team! And Miami Vice! Actually, he does seem kinda nuts. Maybe he oughta just stick to The Real KOB.
So, that’s it. I know, I’m as unsatisfied as you, but isn’t that what you’ve come to expect from the posts tagged with “Thomas Beisner”? Well, the bad news keeps coming folks as our super paparazzo has somehow become super-critical of his work in the past two weeks and has not found any pictures that he’s taken of Coach Gillispie up to par for our faithful readers. We’ve told him that he’s on the fence in terms of employment and that he better come through next week, no matter what the quality, so we’ll keep you posted. If you like staking out Wildcat Lodge and aren’t scared off by death-defying stunts and 90s pop culture, you might want to start updating your resume. He might be on the outs.
So, with that bit of bad news out of the way, let’s get onto our token video. Today I present you a video that’s sure to make you feel weird seconds into watching it. I warn you, watch at your own risk. And, seriously, if that thing lasts for 4 hours, you need to see a doctor. Until next week, kiddoes!