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KSR Weekly World Report

Hold on kids, we’re going for a ride.

I’d like to start off this KSR Weekly World Report on a serious note. Before we get into things, I’d like to inform you that when this weekend ends, I will be saying goodbye to my 24th year on this planet. When you all wake up Monday morning, I will officially be one-fourth of the way toward finally getting my Smuckers sponsored shout-out from Willard Scott. You can send your well wishes and those nudie pics of your wife to [email protected].  Ok, now that we’ve appreciated me, let’s move on.

It started out as a relatively slow week with our only news coming in the form of that Derrick Jasper guy finally ending up at UNLV and some Sallie deciding to take his game to the cesspool that is Memphis, Tn. But, a midweek jolt of entertainment graced all Cat fans when Chris Cross took a beating so massive, it had the 1916 Cumberland College football team feeling good about themselves. Look it up.  Then, just when it seemed like this week was going to be a real downer, Rajon Rondo got himself an NBA Championship and Tayshaun Prince landed a spot on the Olympic team.

But, again, there were some things you might have missed while you were trying to lay claim to a newly available nickname.

– Britney Spears’ little sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, gave birth to another future teenage mother yesterday.  That link from CNN really isn’t that great unless you picture Casey Aldridge fist pounding his friends and saying “Yeah I am!” right after this line is read:

“The Spears family announced in December that Jamie Lynn was pregnant. The father is Casey Aldridge, a pipe-layer from Liberty, Mississippi.”

 – Have you ever wondered what American Pie would have been like if it was a group of girls chasing after a prize piece rather than a group of hornball guys?  Well, sweet reader, wonder no more because girls at Gloucester High School made a pact to all get pregnant so they could raise their babies together.  It turns out that in this real life movie, the part of the nerdy band geek will be played by a homeless man.  Oddly enough, the police report said that he also was a real animal in the sack.  And I mean that literally.  In a sack.  Think about it.

 – So, this one’s for the ladies.  It looks like America’s Hottest Bachelor is….Mario Lopez?  I’d like to put an asterisk on this because this award coincides with the week that I had to officially change my Facebook status to “In a Relationship”, so I feel like I got robbed.  But, even with all of that aside, it’s still frightening to see the voting power possessed by mid to late 20’s women.  I hope you’re ready for a Tevin CampbellJTT presidential ticket.

 – In case you ever had any doubt about how far behind the times people in Cambodia are, this kid goes and has an accident involving a puffer fish and his junk.  Either they don’t have peanut butter and puppy dogs in Cambodia, or this teenager is just plain sick.

Well, that’s it kids.  Enjoy your weekend.  And, in honor of my birth, I give you a video from the sixty minute man, Clarence Carter – a guy who’s sure to put you in the baby makin’ mood.  Now go get your woman sassified.

Article written by Thomas Beisner