Of all the states, why did Kentucky have to be the one to feature this booth? Embarrassing.
In a bit of twisted and sad news that perpetuates a terrible news story (and yes, I know this little blog post that only a couple people will bother to read is still considered perpetuating the story), the Lexington Lions Club Bluegrass Fair featured a Casey Anthony Dunk Tank. The attraction has now been shut down by the clubs officials. Inside the prison-bars sat a woman impersonating Anthony in jail-garb. Two targets awaited the patron’s balls – “guilty” and “innocent”. If you hit one, the ‘actress’ falls into the water like any other dunk tank.
The problem with this tank was that, to quote the club officials, it “had probably gone a bit too far“. I’d say so. While the club didn’t create the tank, it did promote it on twitter and facebook. The fact that someone took their time and money to construct an attraction that exploits the death of a child for profit is disgusting. It’s also disgusting that people in American are more worried about Anthony than other important issues across the world, such as the Horn of Africa’s drought. But I digress.
We here at KSR would like to announce our own fair! It will take place at this location: ehwrone and at this time: vreen. You have to unscramble those to find out the details, so hurry up and do that or you may miss the party. Since the Casey Anthony dunk tank is totally out of the question, we decided that we must top it with a much more fitting attraction that the people of Lexington/Kentucky would enjoy.
Here are some ideas for the KSR Dunk Tank booth:
– Matt Jones – KSR writers get priority in line, but the premise is simple: you throw a ball, and if you hit Matt in his toupe, he falls in. If you knock the toupe off, you get another free round. (just kidding, those beautiful locks are real…you jelly, Trump?)
– The Triumvirate (Forde, Thameltoe, O’Neil) – In this engineering-masterpiece, the three amigos sit on separate levers. If you hit the target below each one, they fall. The catch? The tank is empty. The other catch? If you hit Forde in the crotch, all three fall in together, with Thamel being the meat of that love-sandwich when they land in an empty tank.
– Ricky Pitino and Karen Sypher – This one doubles as a food booth, using the now age-old-RP-joke food groups. Patrons can throw their Italian sausage or aged red snapper into the targets if they wish, or they can simply use the ancient gray balls we provide.
– Preston Knowles – Hairbrushes are the weapon of choice here. Be careful, if you walk away with a hairbrush, Preston will jump off the lever and come searching for you with violent-intent. But no worries, he’ll probably get an ankle injury hopping off. (#toosoon? #toomean? Good luck in recovery, though, really)
– Bryan the Intern – This is your standard dunk tank, except that BTI will be telling you exactly why you’re going to miss with lifetime statistics on your awful pitching abilities and that he would suggest kicking the ball at his target if soccer wasn’t such an awful sport that America sucks at. And he’ll be right (at least about your missing, not about soccer).
You guys got any other ideas? Post them in the comments.