Kentucky football has been there and done that. They have won major bowls, they have had the greatest coach in college football history (Bill Curry), and have beaten the #1 team in the country TWICE. They also had the #1 overall NFL Draft pick in Pookie Jones….I mean Tim Couch. But, there is one little piece of hardware missing from the Kentucky trophy case…a Heisman trophy. The way I see it though, is that the time is now for those things to change. I see several players littered throughout the UK roster that could bring that goofy bronze statue home. So, here is the up to date Heisman Watch at this point in the year (standings are unofficial):
1) TIM TEBOW: 39-58, 540 yds, 5 TD, 1 INT, 39 rushes, 148 yards, 3 TD
Outlook: I almost moved Tebow down because he was quite unimpressive against Tennessee in the rainy swamp. So, contrary to popular belief, Tebow can not do amazing things on water. But, I do keep Tebow at number one because he not only led the Gators to victory, but saved a Gator fan from an asthma attack in the 2nd quarter, played right handed in the 2nd half, and then washed the teams jerseys after the game. He’s truly an angel.
2) COLT MCCOY: 75-110, 859 yds, 6 TD, 4 INT
Outlook: He has a mustasche, he loses a mustache. He looks good against Wyoming, he sucks against Texas Tech. He supports health care reform, then he doesn’t. I just can’t figure out McCoy, but I can tell you this: he has the best name in the game. I truly think they should let him carry a 6-shooter when he comes on the field.
3) JAHVID BEST: 53 rushes, 418 yards, 8 TD
Outlook: Look, if I am Mike Hartline, I am not worried about Best. First, he plays at Cal. Second, they smoke alot of weed out there, so expect a suspension in the near future. Third, he plays at Cal. Also, he thinks Beyonce had one of the best videos of all-time, and that opinion is not a popular one these days.
4) MIKE HARTLINE: 38-54, 400 yards, 3 TD, 1 INT
Outlook: Is this high for Hartline at this point? Maybe. That is certainly something for debate. I know that Beisner agrees with me, and he is the highest authority I can think of. And seriously, he averages more passing yards per game than Tebow, and isn’t that what a quarterback supposed to do. I mean really, who lets their QB run the ball? Billy Curry, thats who. Hartline vs Tebow this weekend will be an all-time best, and I fully expect to see Hartline at the top of this list by next week.
5) MATT BARKLEY: 30-50, 428 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT
Outlook: This guy is undefeated FOR HIS CAREER! His entire career. At a school like USC. I only rank him so low because I didn’t get the see the Ohio St. game after breaking my TV with a brick when I saw Jim Tressel and his overrated program.
13) RANDALL COBB: 13 catches, 167 yards, 2 TD, 2 rushes, 17 yards, 1 TD
Outlook: He runs, he throws, he catches, he holds, he passes out water, he nearly has a cure for swine flu, he gives Rich Brooks his vitamins in the morning, he dunked on John Wall once, he was actually the one running the Patterson-Orton workout plan in San Francisco, AND he molded the cast for Randy Sanders’ arm. Is there anything this guy can’t do? Yes, he can’t run the option on 4th and 1.
36) TREVARD LINDLEY: 1 INT, 1 TD
Outlook: Trevard, HELLO???? No touchdowns against Division 1-AA Louisville? Were you sick or something? Did Trent Guy threaten to take you to the same nightclub where he got shot? Was Demarcus Cousins making you nervous? Let me give you a little hint, Trevard: Get an INT against Florida, and you automatically move into the Top 10.
Others of note:
37) Justin Burke: You’re from Lexington, you went to Louisville. You’re lucky I even rank you.
42) Trent Guy: Thanks for gift-wrapping the game for us, Trent.
61) David Diaz-Infante: Even though you haven’t taken a college snap for many years, that performance on Saturday puts you on the list.
92) Paul Warford: I think I will forever reserve the 92nd spot for guys who really are not very good.
93) Johnathan Crompton: But Warford still doesn’t suck as bad as this guy.