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KSR Heisman Watch

It’s Week 2 of the KSR Heisman Watch, and there has been much shuffling at the Top, as “Mr. Injury”, Tim Tebow, drops out of #1, and insert Colt McCoy.  Also, Mike Hartline takes a small drop in the ratings after tough game against those cheatin Gators.  Here are some of the highlights:

1) COLT MCCOY (TEXAS): 103-145, 1145 yds, 9 TD, 5 INT

Outlook: McCoy sure was slingin’ that ol’ pigskin around the field on Saturday, throwin’ for 3 TD’s and 286 yards.  You gotta respect a guy that can stand over on that ol’ sideline, cowboy hat tipped low on his head, cool and collected, but when that clock strikes noon (or 3:30PM in this case), he comes out guns a blazin’.  Then, after slingin’ a good 64 on those cowpokes from UTEP, he just goes back to that ol’ sideline, calls for a whiskey sour, and takes the prettiest girl in all of the Texas territory home with him.  Seriously, if you read past that sentence without clicking the link, that was a mistake.

2) MATT BARKLEY (USC): 43-72, 675 yds, 3 TD, 1 INT

Outlook: I said it last week, and I will say it again:  This guy is undefeated for his ENTIRE CAREER.  Even Jesus Tebow has lost like 8 games in his career. Look what happened when Barkley was out, they lose to Washington.  Barkley comes back and they CRUSH Washington St. by 21 points.  Has there been a wider margin in college football this season?  Anyway, until Barkley loses, he stays in the Top 5.

3) KELLEN MOORE (BOISE ST.):  70-102, 932 yds, 10 TD, 1 INT

Outlook: Rumor is this team in Idaho is pretty good this year.  All that I’ve seen though is that Boise players have glass jaws.  But, I guess Moore’s stats are pretty good, certainly not Justin Burke good, but pretty good.  And I will give the guy credit because I want to know who’s dumb idea it was to make your field blue and then have your players wear all blue.  Basically, Moore is just guessing where his guys are. 

4) TIM TEBOW (FLORIDA): 44-68, 643 yds, 6 TD, 1 INT

Outlook: Look, I got no respect for someone who can’t finish a game.  From all the TV coverage I saw, there was no blood coming out of Tebow’s ears after the hit, and in my book, that means he could play.  And frankly, the way the UK defense was tackling, you could have sliced and diced them up with about 5 brain cells.  And then to vomit on national TV, how rude!  There are kids watching Tim, and you are supposed to be a role model and “savior”.

5) ROSS BOGUE (KENTUCKY): 2 rec, 14 yds, 1 TD

Outlook: Every other time this guy touches the ball its a touchdown.  Who else in the country can say that?  To further this point, Florida had no answer for Bogue.  Did you see how wide open he was on the touchdown?  He just blew right by his defender with that lightning quick speed. 

Others of note:

8) Mike Hartline: 51-82, 485 yds, 4 TD, 3 INT

Outlook: You have to drop Hartline because of the two interceptions.  Also, because he let that guy run through and block the punt for a touchdown.  Also, because he missed so many tackles on defense.  Also, because he let wide receivers get behind him.  Also, because he did not run the “Wildcat” formation well.  Frankly, if Hartline had forgot to show up on Saturday, we would have easily beaten Florida.

29) Lones Seiber: 11/11 EXP, 1/2 FG

Outlook: Coolest kicker in the land.  Not to mention MONEY on the extra points.  And he is more like PESOS on the field goals.  But, nonetheless, the coolest kicker in the land.

41) Randall Cobb: 18 rec, 191 yds, 2 TD

Outlook: In Cobb’s first two games this season, he TOUCHED the ball 15 times and gained 184 yards, or 12.2 yards per touch.  Against Florida, Cobb TOUCHED the ball 7 times and gained 27 yards.  Thats why Cobb drops this week.  Also, he has creepy eyes that scare little children. 

43) Jeremy Jarmon: NO STATS

Outlook: This is my way of saying that NCAA ruling was a JOKE, and with Jarmon, thats Cats would have had at least a marginally better showing on Saturday.   

96) Zipp Duncan
97) Christian Johnson
98) Jorge Gonzalez
99) Stuart Hines
100) Justin Jefferies

Outlook: No description needed for the performance of the offensive line this season.

Article written by Bryan the Intern