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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

KSR Bachelor Running Diary: The Preview Episode

bachelor

When it comes to The Bachelor, I’m here for three things. The crazy, the tears, and the daddy issues. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you don’t get a say in this argument because you are reading, not writing.  If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. We’re not going to be friends. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. What do you say we get started? Are you psyched? I’m Psyched!

 

Welcome back friends. It’s been a while. You look well. Did you go gluten free? You look gluten free. If you’re not, you could totally tell people you are. THEY’D NEVER KNOW!! Since I’ve last written here, I won the lottery. It was only a dollar on a scratch off, but who’s counting? I also went on the trip from hell with Matt and Drew to Dallas. However, despite the bad weather, the whole trip was made worth it when World Wide Wes told me he was a huge fan of the Bachelor post on KRS*.

*He didn’t tell me this.

 

Look, I’ll be honest with you because we’re friends. The last Bachelor season took a lot out of me. Tierra was a LOT to take in and Sean was about as cool as a broken air conditioner. I got burnt out and my fingers were tired of banging the board. But the ladies (and Matt) have spoken, and my idle fingers do no good for anyone.  “You’ve gotta give the people what they want,” they said. “And they want the KSR Bachelor Running Diary.”

 

Then the KSR Bachelor Running Diary is what they will get.

 

8:02- This episode started with a bang. In no particular order, these are real reasons stated by real girls who sent real audition tapes to ABC as to why they want to be on The Bachelor.

“I’m tired of frogs. I’m ready to find my prince.” Kind of insensitive to frogs, but whatever.

“I always kind of end up being a booty call.” How can you “kind of” be a booty call? Girls, comments like these are why you can’t have nice things.

“I’m not getting any younger and my eggs are not becoming any more fertile.” I really hope this girl made it on the show.

“I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to sit every night and watch Golden Girls for the rest of my life.” That makes one of us. Sign me up for that.

“I want to find someone. Like, I want to get married… again.” The way I see it, if you can get married once without being on The Bachelor you can get married twice without being on The Bachelor. I’ve always said that. Ask anyone who knows me.

8:04- A girl just stuck her entire fist into her mouth as her “special talent.” Her ENTIRE fist. Try it. Make a fist and try to stick it into your mouth. You look really stupid right now, by the way.

8:05- A girl with a thick country accent just said coming to L.A. for the casting interviews was the first time she had ever flown. Without any other knowledge of her, I’m guessing she is from either Arkansas or Mississippi. Not sure which one would be worse.

8:06- I guess “I flirt with guys and I flirt with girls” is what you would say if you were a girl wanting to kill two birds with one stone and interview for The Bachelor and The Bachelorette in the same interview. So that’s exactly what a girl just did.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to be a stepmom” is what you say if you just wanted a free trip to L.A. and didn’t really want to be on the show. Someone just did that, too.

This girl wants to be on the show. I can see it in her eyes.

cross eyes

 

8:12- Chris Harrison, the man with the easiest job in the world, is going around giving roses to the girls who were chosen to be on the show. The first girl jump hugged him and wrapped her legs around his waist. I think if we’ve learned anything from The Bachelor in the past, we know that wrapping legs around someone is to be saved for a time when you find yourself in a body of water with The Bachelor. Not when you’re in a clothing store with Chris Harrison.  This girl has A LOT to learn.

8:13- Easy job Chris just showed up to the second young woman’s house and knocked on the door. This girl opens the door in a sun dress with make up on and her hair done. If Chris Harrison shows up randomly to my house he’s generally going to find me not showered wearing pajama shorts eating carryout/delivery food watching The First 48.

8:18-8:27- This part is all about Juan Pablo. I’m sure some of you ladies that watch the show have interest in him. I don’t. What I took from this part was that he used to play soccer, he has an adorable daughter, and his family wants him to find love. Now that I have a niece that has softened me, I care that he has an adorable daughter. That’s great. However, I don’t care about any of the rest.

8:33- Juan Pablo’s cousin gave this advice; “Please keep your shirt on so you can at least have a conversation with the girls.” Until this point in my life, I had no idea Venezuelan’s weren’t allowed to talk when their shirts were off. Whoever said The Bachelor doesn’t culture you doesn’t know jack flippin crap about anything.

8:34- Juan Pablo’s uncle just called him the wrong name when giving him advice. Then, his advice was two words: “be patient.” I don’t think brain power is a strong suit for the Uncle.

8:41-8:50- RIP Gia.

8:55- Looks like Juan Pablo will get advice from Sean about being The Bachelor. If you want a analogy for this, that’d be like John Calipari asking Billy Gillispie about how to be the coach at Kentucky. If you don’t want an analogy for this too bad, you already read it.

8:56- TEARS! WE HAVE TEARS!  An unidentified contestant in tears states that “This is breaking me.” If the first episode, which is a cocktail party meet and greet, is breaking you then this may not be the right environment for you. Just wait until someone starts yelling about not taking her sparkle and not being able to control their eyebrow and have some real problems.

8:57- One girl, while seeing Juan Pablo kiss another girl, says “It’s hard to watch someone you’re connecting with connect with other people.” HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHOW BEFORE? They might as well circle around and play spin the bottle, only in this version of spin the bottle Juan Pablo gets to spin the bottle EVERY SINGLE TIME.

8:58- An unidentified genius says “These are crazy girls.” I know. That’s why we’re here. That’s why we’re watching. That’s why the running diary exists.

8:59- I don’t know what led to the girl crying in the bathroom stall and yelling “I want to go home!!!”, but I can’t wait to find out. It could be anything from the waiter bringing the wrong salad dressing to her hair dryer breaking.

Just kidding, you guys. It’ll be because of alcohol. It’s always because of alcohol.

 

@AFlenerKSR

 

Article written by Aaron Flener

John, I was first team All-State. I can put the ball anywhere I want to. I'll make it rain out here.

45 Comments for KSR Bachelor Running Diary: The Preview Episode



  1. sprtphan
    8:23 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    What the f—!



  2. Why
    8:27 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    This sucks. I cant believe this crap is on a sports website!



  3. Dwoos
    8:30 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    I would rather watch Louisville play



  4. jimmyhat
    8:42 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Enough with this s*#t already. No more bachelor BS please.



  5. Jethro Gibbs
    8:48 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Rule # 13. Who gives a [email protected]#k.



  6. haha
    8:49 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    I bet a lot of people read this



  7. Debbie Dooley
    8:54 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Gosh. This is bad. I feel like I am in a weird dream… Your best bet here is to never ever mention the bachelor again on this site…



  8. KOB
    9:01 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    I don’t know what I look forward to more. These posts, or the ensuing comments.



    • haha
      9:08 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

      The comments, for sure. What kind of person (man or woman) actually watches this trash? I really want to know. Oh, and Flener, no one is questioning your sexuality, just questioning your decision making, how bad of a writer you are, and just how low you are on the totem pole here at KSR. Seriously, whose idea was this? I highly doubt card chronicle has anything more embarrassing than this.



    • JoeMoney333
      10:22 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

      I’m not sure ‘haha’ gets that it’s his comments we are coming to laugh at and make fun of… oh well lol



    • Golden
      10:23 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

      Comments, definitely the comments



    • KOB
      12:50 pm January 6, 2014 Permalink

      Exactly, JoeMoney. This is why I love it.



  9. haha
    9:09 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    And yes, I have never read one word of these posts, hopefully this is satire



  10. Maserati
    9:11 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Hilarious!



  11. cdc_uky
    9:17 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Hey Aaron, when you were trying to get a gig on the website did Matt tell you it would be this? Or did you say you would do anything and this is the best shizz he could come up with? Painful!!!



  12. St Ronnie was a moron
    9:18 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    I didn’t realize Aaron was a female name.



  13. hawkeye tim
    9:19 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Aaron–

    You missed the best statement from a potential cast member:

    “I was a virgin until two weeks ago.”

    After her interview, she said, “I’m going to go home and pray to be selected.”

    Pure gold.



    • Aaron Flener
      9:27 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

      That was great, I agree. It just didn’t seem right to make fun of someone dumb enough to say that on camera. She could legitimately be special needs.



    • Linda Taylor
      4:14 pm January 6, 2014 Permalink

      Hey Aaron, you are legitimately special needs…you are such a dumba$$.



  14. jwall
    9:23 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Yes!!! I told my wife after last nights episode that I hopw “my favorite sports blog” does bachelor recaps again because they are hilarious! Thank you!



  15. Marc
    9:45 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Some of you people no doubt have special needs. He obviously writes making fun of the show. Of course if you had any sort of reading comprehension skills you would know that, instead season after season you remain ignorant. Though at least your ignorant comments make for decent entertainment on an icy day.



    • UKAlum
      9:50 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

      Some people are very insecure in their masculinity.



  16. LadyKatBlue
    9:45 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Thank you Aaron! So glad the Bachelor is back,



  17. Jax Teller
    9:57 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    These posts/comments will never cease to make me laugh.



  18. gUKats
    10:20 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    You forgot to mention that being selected to be on the” Bachelor” contestants must have been on “The Jerry Springer Show.”



  19. WRB
    10:50 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    FU(K the damn bachelor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thought this was a damn sports site.

    Anybody that wants to read this shit can go to IMZ, Inside Edition, or some of the other stupid ass sites like those.



    • Rockfield, KY
      11:04 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

      Or they can just read it here and you can go elsewhere.



    • WRB
      11:15 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

      And you can go to hell, but that is beside the point.



  20. mc
    10:52 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Please!!! Are you so bored that you write this crap!!! Get back to KY sports and get off this site !!!



  21. AndrewH
    10:54 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    A friend of mine hates to be called stevie



  22. Miggity Mike
    11:02 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Finally “The Bachelor” posts are back!! Nothing makes me laugh harder than the comments on this! Keep up the good work Aaron!



  23. MM
    11:04 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    The comments on here are always pure gold. I honestly never really read the actual posts because I don’t watch the show, but the anger and outrage in the comments ensures I never skip this one (which guess what people who get so angry, you can do. No one is forcing you to read these posts, but please keep voicing your displeasure so I have something to read Monday morning). If, you want nothing but sports and facts, go buy your local newspaper and read the box scores while you yell at kids to get off your lawn.



  24. Rockfield, KY
    11:05 am January 6, 2014 Permalink

    I truly love these posts. I don’t like the show very much, but I love the blog posts along with the redneck comments.



  25. Amanda
    12:56 pm January 6, 2014 Permalink

    I love these posts but you left out one very important thing from last night. One girl when thry has the pop up that has name, age, occupation and hometown in the occupation portion it just said Free Spirit and that made my night!!

    Also, is there a chance we could ever get a Bachelor Live Blog?



    • jhnny
      1:35 pm January 6, 2014 Permalink

      I am actually shocked Matt hasn’t live blogged the Bachelor yet. I’m sure live blogs about the Lifetime Movie of the Week and the latest episode of Rachel Ray are right around the corner.

      In all honesty, I get that Matt finds the show is funny, but the Bachelor is like on season 20 now. The rest of us quit finding the show amusing and just a waste of time sometime during season 1. Lets move back to sports, please.



    • Aaron Flener
      1:36 pm January 6, 2014 Permalink

      We’ll definitely cover the occupations in the next recap that (due to the BCS game tonight) will post Wednesday morning. Gonna be a lot of “that’s not a real job” in that column.



    • Papelie
      1:58 pm January 7, 2014 Permalink

      My favorite was Dog Lover. That doesn’t sound like an occupation, it sounds more like a criminal act!



  26. Lolatrednecks
    1:45 pm January 6, 2014 Permalink

    F wording morons who comment make my life. Can’t wait to see what else they can come up with. Pure comedy Aaron.



  27. TIM HARDAWAY
    3:22 pm January 6, 2014 Permalink

    I hate these posts.



  28. Trevathan
    4:52 pm January 6, 2014 Permalink

    We have the dumbest fans in all of sports – not on average or as a whole but strictly in terms of our dumbest fans vs everyone else’s dumbest fans. The comments on these articles and the Not Jerry Tipton articles are proof of this.



  29. Kevin Grevey
    4:56 pm January 6, 2014 Permalink

    Unbelievable. My IQ went doen 5 points just reading this dribble. Who cares?



    • St Ronnie was a moron
      5:06 pm January 6, 2014 Permalink

      Hey Kevin
      Is that why you used dribble instead of drivel?



  30. Peter Parker Swag
    8:34 pm January 6, 2014 Permalink

    I’m embarrassed as a UK fan that the best UK fan site posts this.



  31. Jess
    1:35 pm January 7, 2014 Permalink

    SOOO glad the blog is back! It totally brightens my workday, almost as much as all of the angry elf comments…Hysterical. Keep it up KSR!



  32. Anna Lea Cothron
    4:39 pm January 7, 2014 Permalink

    Obsessed