We all know that Knowshon Moreno is a beast on the football field, but did you know that he was just as mighty with the pen? Thanks to Losers with Socks (great site, especially if you consider it’s run by Tennessee fans), the world can now see that Moreno doesn’t take kindly to being held down by The Man. You see, Georgia’s best back since Herschel got cited for a noise violation in the dorm and he thought it was bogus from the start. But, nonetheless, Moreno took the punishment like the fine, upstanding athlete he is and wrote his essay about the negative effects of noise pollution. What resulted was one of the most half-assed, back-handed apologies of all-time. You can read the whole thing here, but here are a few of my favorite excerpts from Mr. Moreno’s plea for forgiveness.
“After taking time to research about the harmful effects of noise pollution, it was time consuming and boring, yet educational.”
“It was a little ridiculous to research about noise because it is common sense what noise is.”
“To show the responsibility that I have gained over this situation I was recently asked in my room one night after quiet hours if I could do a backflip. My answer to this was yes because I can, but I kindly stated that I would not be able to perform this act at the time because I did not want to to disturb my fellow neighbors around me.”
“I am sorry for the inconvenience and therefore I’ll be moving off of campus next year.”
I can see his Heisman billboard now. Knowshon Moreno: He might make some noise, but you better believe he can do a back flip.