So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will win a hundred times in a hundred battles. —The Art of War by Sun Tzu as read by Joe Mantegna (yes, that Joe Mantegna, seriously)
OK, so this has to be quick because Corporate America (to which I am an indentured servant) beckons. The Cats continue to inch ever closer to the national championship game thanks to the mighty Beavers of Oregon State and a bye week which Rich Brooks and Co. totally dominated. Micah Johnson will be out due to a high ankle sprain, though I’m surprised that steel and kevlar (the basic building blocks of Micah’s body) can be damaged at all. And just when we here at KYE are starting to hit our making-fun-of-the-other-team,-its-fanbase,-alumni,-etc. groove, little cousin Western comes strolling into town upsetting my proverbial apple cart. Which proverb talks about an apple cart, though?
As has been tradition, we try to go a bit easy on our in-state brethren as evidenced by the very first KYE done last year for Eastern Kentucky University, WKU’s mirror image. We like the Red Amorphous Blobs here and wish them great successes following this game, but certainly hope for their complete destruction when they ooze into Commonwealth. Doing it the best I ca-an, leaning on nobody but me, seeing it from where I sta-and, Kno-ow Your Ene-my! Ten points?
I first pointed this out in the EKU post nigh on a year ago where we explained that Eastern Kentucky University wasn’t actually in the eastern part of the state, but was actually in the central portion of the state. Similarly, Duncan Cavanaugh and his uppity hunting club in Hopkinstownville, would argue, along with the folks in the Jackson Purchase, that Bowling Green cannot be considered western Kentucky. Having laid out this airtight case, we must now explain that there are but two things that will really draw the ire of the staff of Know Your Enemy: not being located where your name says you are located and not having a visual mascot that aligns with the name of your mascot. “Western”, you fail on both counts and therefore are sentenced to a 84-point thrashing at the hands of the maniacal Rich Brooks who has been craving “human meat” like Charlie and Dee this entire bye week.
While there’s certainly something to be proud of (Nappy Roots, Duncan Hines, “Roy” from “Wings”), Western ultimately nets out as a negative thanks to the “work” of one Michael Rosenbaum. Rosenbaum is best known for playing the young Lex Luthor on “Smallville”–a show I’ve never seen, but I’m told has actors and is on television. However, the reason Michael is to be vilified is due to his role in the motion picture “Sorority Boys”. So here’s the premise: some fraternity guys are getting ready to lose campus housing, so they dress up like she-males and live in a sorority house with sorority girls with no one finding out until later in the movie (no word on whether this twist was devised by M. Night Shamalayan). It’s an awful movie and manages sink to the lowest of common denominators throughout while producing nothing funny, interesting, nor entertaining during the entire thing. A Dane Cook comedy special at Ground Zero couldn’t be less funny. Anyway, for this, Western, we shake our collective head and ask, “Why?”.
Cheerleader Scouting Report
First game took place in 1913 where they beat Elizabethtown High School by a score of 20-0. They finished the year 1-0. Apparently, they had another game scheduled against all of their little sisters, but decided to cancel it and not risk the perfect season. Also in 1952, they rocked the Refrigerator Bowl, in 1963 it was the Tangerine Bowl, and after some success over the years in the Division I-AA playoffs, they won the I-AA national championship in 2002 with Jim Harbaugh’s dad as their coach. No word on whether Neal Anderson’s dad was involved with the team in some way, but kudos anyway.
Micah Johnson has 14 solo tackles, 3 sacks, and 2 rushing touchdowns–you heard it here first. DLJ struggles a bit this game, because when he thinks of the phrase used to describe his bye week (going back in the slot) he giggles uncontrollably. He’ll still finish with 5 touchdown catches, though. Garry Williams returns in a big way by winning the intimidation game during pre-game warmups by bench-pressing a Corvette…then eating it.
Fine, so it wasn’t particularly “in depth”, but what do you leeches expect? I’ve spent the last two weeks buying up billions of dollars worth of bonds backed by sub-prime loans in the anticipation that the federal government would ultimately bail me out. Looks like my brilliance is gonna pay off, and I’ll finally be able to afford the “big” bucket of original recipe at KFC. Prepare to go 4-0 and set up a dance to the death in Tuscaloosa Saturday next. Go Cats.