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Know Your Enemy: Vanderbilt Commodores

Mosley, a KSR founding father, once had a feature entitled “Know Your Enemy” in order for UK fans to be fully informed about their next opponent. While Mosley has moved on to bigger and better things, our enemies continue to be part of our life.  I want to keep us prepared on a weekly basis.

 

“Tis best to weigh the enemy more mighty than he seems.” -Bill Shakespeare

 

Tomorrow night in Nashville at the Vanderbilt Opera House, Kentucky looks for it’s 17th straight SEC regular season win.  Since Bruce Pearl stopped painting his chest hair and having illegal recruiting sleepovers in Knoxville, Vanderbilt has become enemy #1 for me in the conference. It may have something to do with the hatred I have acquired for their fans from time spent in Nashville, but it also developed because they were good at basketball. They are still #1 for me, but now it is solely because of their fans. To put it bluntly, their basketball team sucks.

Before we get started tonight, I want to make sure you didn’t miss Tomlin’s “Instant Hate Day: Vanderbilt University” from last Thursday.  Sit back as he takes you on a detailed journey through Vanderbilt’s website.

When you are done with that, come on back. It’s time to Know Your Enemy, the Vanderbilt Commodores.

 

Location:

 

Vanderbilt is located in the West End/Hillsboro Village district of Nashville, TN. Nashville, known to some as Music City, USA, is located at the intersection of I-24, I-40, and I-65. It is home to the Nashville Predators, the Tennessee Titans, the Grand Ole Opry, and our very own Mrs. Tyler Thompson.  Nashville will play host to the Men’s SEC basketball tournament 3 out of the next 4 years.  What this actually means is  Nashville will play host to the KSR crew wearing animal print shirts around downtown.

Recently, the New York Times called Nashville the United States’ latest “it” city. There are many great things in Nashville. Vanderbilt students are not any of those things.

 

Notable Alumni:

Brandt Snedeker- Last season’s Fed Ex Cup champion played his collegiate golf at Vanderbilt. Brandt grew up in Nashville playing the local municipal golf courses and went to high school at Montgomery Bell Academy. He has 4 PGA Tour wins and has earned over $16 million dollars in his career, not counting the $10 million he won for winning the Fed Ex Cup. Life is good if you’re Brandt Snedeker. But you’re not.

Dierks Bentley- A Nashville country music recording artist, Bentley graduated from Vanderbilt in 1997. He’s had 10 number one singles including “What Was I Thinkin” and “Every Mile A Memory.” He splits time living in Nashville and Phoenix with his family. Like Snedeker, life is good if you’re Dierks Bentley.

Skip Bayless- A member of the Vanderbilt Student Media Hall of Fame (something to which all Vandy students aspire), Bayless was an English and History major at Vandy. He is old, angry, and trying to shoe string tackle relevancy. He and Stephen A. Smith yell back and forth about things no one cares about on ESPN’s First Take. Unlike Brandt Snedeker and Dierks Bentley, life seems miserable if you are Skip Bayless.

 

Cheerleader Scouting Report:

These aren’t your Mom and Dad’s Vanderbilt cheerleaders. They are culturally diverse and attractive. Vandy cheerleaders are definitely on the come up. I see y’all.

 

Basketball History:

The Commodores play their home games in Memorial Gym. Mrs. Tyler Thompson gave you an in depth look at the building yesterday.  Thursday night, they will be giving out commemorative rings for their SEC tournament victory last year. While goofy, why shouldn’t they celebrate what is arguably their program’s greatest achievement. If you don’t believe me why don’t you ask the tears of John Jenkins and Kevin Stallings. Stallings cried as if he’d just missed the “hot” sign at Krispy Kreme.

Other than the SEC Tourney championship last season, Vanderbilt has a decent basketball history. Not spectacular, but not Auburn. Since 1988 they’ve been to 11 NCAA tourney’s, making the Sweet 16 four of those times. They won the SEC regular season in 1965, 1974, and 1993.


Coach:

 

Kevin Stallings- Kevin Stallings is fat, bald, looks like Kevin from the office, and he cried after the SEC Tourney Championship game last year. He is who we thought he was. Let’s move on.

 

Players:

Vanderbilt won the SEC Tournament last year. I was there. I watched them play 3 times. When I looked at their roster I recognized one name. One single name. Rod Odom. No wonder they suck. They lost EVERYONE. Their best player is this guy:

Kedren Johnson-  A 6’4” sophomore from Lewisburg, TN, Johnson is averaging 16.6 points, 3.9 rebounds, and 2.7 assists. His real name is McKedren. His name in the program is Kedren. He goes by Kee. Got all that?

Johnson chose the Commodores over Florida, Louisville, Memphis, and Alabama. His advice to youngsters is: “Work harder than anyone around you.” This of course means “Surround yourself with fat, lazy slobs,” making Kevin Stallings the perfect coach for him.

 

Summary:

If I’m being completely transparent with you, I’m still slightly butthurt about the 93-52 thrashing Vandy put on us in 2008. I had to leave the game with 13:00 left to avoid fighting an obnoxious Vandy fan behind me who was with his kid. My roommate at the time, a Vandy fan, did not want to leave. I told him to find another ride home. It was a miserable experience.

Although I’ve seen us win in Memorial since then, I want to maul them. I want to destroy them. They picked on us in our time of weakness and I want us to return the favor. A dominant performance would be great for this young team and show the rest of the country that we’re going to do nothing but improve from here on out.

**UK fans going to the game, don’t forget about the pre-game festivities at Corner Pub in midtown. There will be drink specials: $2.50 domestic drafts, 1/2 price wells and $2 Dodo Bird shots (chocolate milk & vodka).

Happy Hour starts around 5:00 pm and will carry all the way through the game which tips off at 8:00 pm. Mrs. Tyler Thompson and I will be around for a bit so be sure to stop in to say hello to us and all of the other UK fans in town for the game. Go Cats.

 

@AFlenerKSR

Article written by Aaron Flener

John, I was first team All-State. I can put the ball anywhere I want to. I'll make it rain out here.

23 Comments for Know Your Enemy: Vanderbilt Commodores



  1. Chicago Chris
    9:32 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    Geez we are desperate for basketball. How many Vandy articles have there been in anticipation of this game? Apparently, they suck and their coach is fat.



  2. RealCatsFan
    9:39 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    OMG! I need to photoshop that picture of Stallings into a version of the famous painting “The Scream”!



  3. NashBlue
    9:44 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    Yes! Destroy Vandy. Please!



  4. Optimist
    10:08 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink


  5. Dick Burns
    10:09 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    Money says Bayless and Stallings are lover’s!



  6. Scott
    10:20 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    17th straight? We were 16-0 last year, and the 2010-11 team didn’t lose in SEC play after the Arkansas fiasco. Ran off wins over Vandy and Florida at home, then the regular season finale at Tennessee to kick start the upswing that took them to the Final 4.



  7. tickle
    10:21 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    i hope this isn’t construed as vandy hate week



  8. truth
    10:28 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    Vandy Sucks. If we don’t win by 20 or more, it will be a total disgrace.



  9. LakerCat
    10:31 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    Laker fan here. They lost a tough one. But have to give Earl Clark props. He had 22 and 13. First time he has really gotten major minutes.



  10. Garrett
    10:38 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    @ Every person involved in KSR Could y’all do another “vote for Kentucky for the cover of NCAA 13 piece?” We are currently in 15th we have to want it… We will be on the cover of NCAA 13!!!



  11. SexnNursinHomes
    10:38 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    Jimmy Lickin’ Dykes calling our game? Thought he vanished in a tanning bed. I’ll be damned.



  12. xcoach
    10:43 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    Don’t underestimate Coach Stallings. He does a heck of a job most years. Just not last year.



  13. JohnWall'sGut
    10:59 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    Anyone have a burger. I’m starving.



  14. sup
    11:19 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    Great line about the hot sign at Krispy Kreme – bravo, sir!



  15. Butthurt is right
    11:49 pm January 9, 2013 Permalink

    Whiny much? Good lord..



  16. Dee
    6:57 am January 10, 2013 Permalink

    I seriously wish someone would put a bullet in Bayless….a bullet that keeps his mouth closed forever….doesn’t have to die……but if it happens….oh well. he is #1 on my “Disdain List”



  17. JeffC
    7:33 am January 10, 2013 Permalink

    Sam Bowie was undercut by a Vandy player in Nashville hurting his leg and his career. I was there and it wasn’t pretty to watch.



  18. JDH
    7:40 am January 10, 2013 Permalink

    Stallings looks like he just stepped out of a spaceship on Mars with no space suit on in that picture.



  19. Jay Cutler
    8:17 am January 10, 2013 Permalink

    Hey! you forgot about me



  20. Matt in Franklin
    8:46 am January 10, 2013 Permalink

    I too loathe Vandy cuz of that 2008 beatdown. I think losing to Vandy like that was way worse than the Gardner-Webb loss…cuz after all, it was Vandy. I also hate them because of having perfect tickets to a football game down there, they friggin’ beat us, and the idiot Vandy fan sitting in front of us kept sayin “HOMERUN” every time they scored…geez…



  21. red headed step child
    9:10 am January 10, 2013 Permalink

    I too, hate Vandy, never forget a football game in their sh!t hole where the scoreboard audio seemed to increase static during every UK drive. Not to mention the Nerds yelling “who ja wit” all the DAMN time like a bunch of e bonic professors.
    By the way UK won the game and I was “wit”. UK



  22. Big E
    10:22 am January 10, 2013 Permalink

    If I was a millionaire, I would give one million dollars to the UK player who, during the game, would take the basketball and forward a really fast pass, close range, right into the face of Stallings. That would be great.



  23. GitEmOut
    2:56 pm January 10, 2013 Permalink

    Dude, Aaron, you really sound like a bish. Quit being so butthurt, this article makes UK fans sound like assholes