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Know Your Enemy: Seattle University Redhawks

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So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will win a hundred times in a hundred battles. —The Art of War by Sun Tzu as read by Joe Mantegna (yes, that Joe Mantegna, seriously)

OK, so speculation has run wild this past week as to what would fill this space today considering that this is the football team’s bye week and therefore there is no “enemy” to be detailed (except for calcified bruises). It was rumored on Perez Hilton.com that this week’s “Know Your Enemy” would be a chilling expose on how McDonald’s has started to introduce dog food as an ingredient of its hamburgers in an effort to boost profits. Gardening Blog.net claimed it had inside info and that this week’s KYE would be a scientific analysis of the ruins at Tikal and their alignment to celestial bodies and events. Well, all the conjecture can now end as I present to you mucho informacion (the Tikal piece will debut in mid-December) about future UK BASKETBALL opponent, Seattle University. Also, for those of you that are still frightened from staying up late watching the Ghost Hunt at the Waverly Hills Sanatorium in Louisville on Sci-Fi last night, know that I have not quit on the football Cats and that a Vanderbilt KYE will be appearing in this very spot Thursday next. Furthermore, I’m still trying to figure out how this whole thing is going to work come basketball season, so I would invite you to offer suggestions in the comments section as to what I should do logistically as the B-ball season heats up (I can’t preview the University of Florida 3 times, folks). I won’t actually pay attention to or even read your comments (imagine someone as important as me reading suggestions from the proletariat), but I have informed my personal assistant (Mayim Bialik) that I would like all non-horrible suggestions paraphrased on cue cards and later sung to me by Mel Torme. Now onto Seattle.

Are you serious, Matthew!? Have you seriously conned me into writing a preview for an EXHBITION GAME against a D-TWO TEAM? Serenity now. Serenity now. Fine. After all, I’m just doing this for the huge paycheck and the box seats to all Quebec Nordiques home games. We all saw what happened against Pikeville. I have little doubt that this game will be any different. It’s bad enough that the top teams in the land have to play the indestructible Wildcats coached by William Jefferson Gillispie, but for goodness sakes, an NAIA team and now a DII team. I’m pleasantly surprised no Pikeville player’s hair turned white out of abject terror last night. However, the Redhawks do come in riding a 1 game winning streak having outlasted the Washington Athletic Club although such a name conjures up images of a team full of handlebar mustaches, knee pads, crisp chess passes, and a familiarity with the comedy duo, “George and Gracie”.

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“After this pictogram we’re posing for, perhaps I’ll go get my best girl and ask her to a talkie”

Location

Seattle University is located in Utica, New York where the winters can get mighty frigid. No, no, actually Seattle U is located in the city of Seattle in Washington state. I don’t have a lot of love for Seattle as it is responsible for bringing us $5 cups of coffee and, indirectly, the human Hindenburg, Courtney Love. In addition to Starbucks and grunge music, Seattle is also home to rain, the Space Needle, and 14 of Shawn Kemp’s 31 children. The University is a private Jesuit college that was founded in 1891, but somehow didn’t manage to award a bachelor’s degree until 1909. Come to think of it, it took a young Tom Callahan a “shade under a decade” to graduate from another Jesuit institution, Marquette University. Those Jesuits must have pretty high standards for graduation.

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“Lot of people go to school for seven years”

Notable Alumni

Surely, we will highlight the exploits of alums Elgin Baylor, Frank Murkowski, and the first American to reach the summit of Everest (Jim Whittaker), right? No we won’t, and don’t call me Shirley. No, our attention must be focused on the best Seattle U has to offer and that would be one, Mary Kay Letourneau. I know, name sounds familiar, but you can’t quite place it. Let me help. Mary Kay is famous for having “relations” with one of her students. The young man was 13 at the time as compared to Mary Kay’s 34. This led to the break-up of Mary Kay’s marriage, her arrest and conviction for statutory, her having the baby of the youngster, her receiving a lightened sentence, her getting caught with the boy again, another pregnancy, her serving out her seven years in prison and then getting released, and finally culminating with a marriage to the boy (now 21). The event was seriously covered by Entertainment Tonight. Wonder if she ever gets highlighted in the alumni magazine?

Cheerleader Scouting Report

Not much to say. No team pictures and even when I dug through some archived articles this was as good as I could do. Even with all that work (at least 3 minutes), there’s not much for these gals to cheer about. You’ll notice that they’re not even in their team’s colors. That’s because apparently they moonlight, as a team, as the cheerleaders for some ridiculous soccer team in Seattle. I’ve already spent too much time on this, so we will shake our heads disapprovingly as we move on.

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Basketball History

As you’ve probably heard, this Seattle University met our own Rupp-coached Wildcats fifty years ago (1958) in the title game for the National Championship. Seattle was then known as the “Chieftains” taking their name from the Irish pop band that would be founded in 1963. That edition of the Seattle basketball team featured a young Elgin Baylor who performed so well he was given the Most Outstanding Player Award in a losing effort. While this is the high point of the University’s basketball history, it is by no means the only accomplishment. Seattle maintained a strong basketball program throughout the 50’s and 60’s and only began it’s decline in the early 70’s due to the significant layoffs of the nearby Boeing Aviation Company. This, along with other financial factors, had the effect of causing the University’s president to de-emphasize the athletics programs. However, the athletics program, while currently residing in Division II, will be completing its transition back to DI in the next two years.

Players

The Redhawks are led by UAlbany tranfer, Michael Knight who is penciled in as the shooting guard. Running the point, is a 1982 Pontiac Fire Bird Trans Am that is known for delivering sarcastic one-liners to his shooting guard. For good measure, the team also boasts an Austen Powers.

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Who knew he still had eligibility?

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Allow himself to introduce…himself

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Apparently in Seattle, there are trees, a sidewalk, and steps very close to center court.

Airtight predictions

Cats take it easy on their inferior opponent and use the occasion to get plenty of minutes for everyone on the bench, including Coach Cyprien. Jodie Meeks leads the way with 51 points in 9 minutes of play, followed by 32 from Dusty Mills. Seattle shows a lot of heart (whatever that means) and manages to keep it respectable as they head back to Microsoft-land the owners of a 162-48 whoopin’. We will see Coach Gillispie’s temper truly flair for the first time when Patrick Patterson and Alex Legion decide to even the odds by taking a few minutes off and building a camp fire in one corner of the court. Gillispie will not be upset at this act, rather at Legion’s lack of inflection when telling the “..and her jacket was right there on her gravestone…” story. Patterson will be terrified regardless.

Summary

So there you have it, the first KYE for basketball season. Despite some of their limitations, this should be a fun crew to watch. I don’t expect them to win the NCAA Championship, but anything other than a National runner-up would be a complete and total failure and is a result I don’t think Coach G will allow. No, this one likes his winning too much and won’t let afterthoughts like Indiana, Louisville, and UNC stand in his way. You’ve been forewarned SEC. Prepare for Billy’s wrath. Go Cats.

Article written by Mosley