Know Your Enemy: Robert Morris Morrises

 

 

First off, shout out to all the Kentucky fans who spent last weekend in Mrs. Tyler and I’s fair city . We may not have won the tournament, but we won every other aspect of the weekend.  It was great to get to know many of you and I hope you had a great time. I know I did.

 

When I found out our beloved Wildcats would face Robert Morris in the first round of the NIT, I knew the following things about Robert Morris:

 

Since then, I’ve learned a lot from our crack staff of reporters here at Kentucky Sports Radio. Robert Morris is a university (not a single person like I originally thought), they like to shoot three point field goals, their arena is small, and Chester thinks we are playing them because liberals wouldn’t let us into the big dance.

 

Regardless of the reasons we are headed to Pittsburgh, we are headed to Pittsburgh. Let’s get to Know Your Enemy: The Robert Morris Morrises.

 

Location:

 

I don’t know much about most cities I write about, so I do what anyone does when they need to learn about anything. I go to wikipedia. In fact, I went to wikipedia today to learn about a guy named Slim Whitman. While hanging out at Legends last weekend, the KSR crew and I noticed a picture of Slim on the wall and his phenomenal mustache made me curious about him. So I went to wikipedia where someone named “Tall” was referenced as reporting Slim Whitman brought aids to south Florida (the geographic area, not the University). Seems like an odd thing to bring to south Florida, I usually just bring a sand shovel and sunscreen. But to each his own, right? I digress.

 

I looked up “Pittsburgh” on wikipedia and found out this interesting fact. Pittsburgh dialect, commonly called Pittsburghese, is spoken by locals referred to as “Yinzers”, similar to “y’all” in the South. Common Pittsburghese terms are: slippy (slippery), redd up (clean up), and gum bands (rubber bands). The dialect is also known for dropping the verb “to be” out of phrases. For example, one would say “the car needs washed” instead of “needs to be washed.”.  Because saying “to be” is such a hassle.

 

Notable People With the First or Last Name Morris (real or fictional):

Zack Morris- Preppy, as he was called by A.C. Slater, was a mainstay on my television set in the afternoons when I was growing up. The star of Saved By The Bell was the love interest of every girl I knew, but no one owned his heart like Kelly Kapowski. Also, look how far cell phones have come. Way to go, cell phones! Proud of you.

 

Morris Peterson- Mo Pete played in college for the Michigan State Spartans and helped lead them to the NCAA title in 2000. He was also named the Big 10 Player of the Year that season. He played with four teams in the NBA.

 

Jack Morris- Jack Morris is the owner of a great mustache and mullet. It appears he also played professional baseball for the Minnesota Twins.

 

Raheem Morris- Raheem is the head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers national football league team. Well, at least he was when this picture was taken.

 

Old Tom Morris- Old Tom, Young Tom’s dad, was the champion golfer of the year 4 times in the 19th century. That means he won the British Open, by the way.

 

Morris the Cat with 9 Lives- You may know Morris the Cat with 9 Lives from 9 Lives cat food commercials. You may also very well not know Morris the Cat with 9 lives.

 

Honorable Mention:

Chuck Norris- Close enough.

 

Dance Team Scouting Report:

I don’t know if this is the actual Robert Morris dance team, but this picture came up when I googled “Robert Morris dance team.” This picture is so ridiculous. So I’d like to invite you to meet my Robert Morris dance team, regardless if this is really them.

 

Basketball History:

As you know, they play in a small arena that you have already seen 22 pictures of since yesterday. Their basketball history is not terrible, actually.  Your current NEC regular season conference champions have only had a program for 34 years. They have been to seven NCAA tournaments since 1982 and even won a first round game against Georgia Southern in 1983. They have 7 conference tournament championships and 10 regular season league championships.

 

Coach:

 

Andrew Toole- I’ll pass on the obvious joke, but this guy looks like J.P Blevins. Wait, what? That WAS the obvious joke?

Toole is in his 3rd year as coach of the Morrises. The 31 year old was an assistant at RMU from 2007 to 2010 before taking over the head position. Toole was a member of the Friars Senior Society at the University of Pennsylvania, which was initially formed in 1901 to protest cliques. Seems a little hypocritical, if you ask me.

 

Players:

RMU has 5 players that shoot over 34% from three point range. Three of those shoot over 42%. Might want to make them drive and meet Mr. Willie Cauley Stein. Or Nerlens couldn’t have gotten hurt AND WE WOULDN’T BE PLAYING IN THIS GAME. Sorry, had to get that saltiness out.

 

Last Meeting:

The 5th ranked Kentucky Wildcats won 92-67 on Dec. 30, 1993 in Rupp Arena. They were led by Peachtree City’s finest, Jeff Sheppard, with 18 points. Jared Prickett tossed in 17 points to go along with 6 rebounds and 3 assists. There is a 100% chance I was watching this game in Cave City, Kentucky at my Meemaw’s house. Shout out to the amount of Mountain Dew she always had in her fridge. We used to get hopped up like Walker and Texas Ranger Bobby.

 

Summary:

Obviously this season hasn’t gone as planned. Even Ray Charles can see that. And he’s dead. But we still have Kentucky basketball to watch. And NIT Kentucky basketball is better that time in June when you are dying for some Kentucky basketball. I encourage everyone to tune in tonight. Join us on the live blog if you want. Join us even if you don’t want to. They aren’t the best Kentucky team, but they are still our Kentucky team.

Go Cats. Beat the Morrises.

 

@AFlenerKSR