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Know Your Enemy: Portland Pilots


Mosley, a KSR founding father, once had a feature entitled “Know Your Enemy” in order for UK fans to be fully informed about their next opponent. While Mosley has moved on to bigger and better things, our enemies continue to be part of our life.  I want to keep us prepared on a game-by-game basis.


“Tis best to weigh the enemy more mighty than he seems.” -Bill Shakespeare


Girls are more jealous than usual of the Kentucky basketball team right now. Why is that? Thanks for asking. I’ll tell you.

Girls, you know that feeling you have at the start of liking a guy? You’re like them and you’re pretty sure they like you. You smile when you talk about them. You hope it is a text from him every time your phone buzzes. You have a general feeling of giddiness and constant butterflies. The sun shines even when it rains. Billy Gillispie is always singing Amanda. You know that feeling?

Well, guys don’t know it. But I’m hoping the basketball team is feeling that feeling about the GYM right now.


Most people don’t get excited to settle in and learn about Portland. Well, let me tell you something. I AM most people. However,  KSR readers desire the knowledge. And we here at Know Your Enemy are in the business of giving the people what they want.  So put your glasses on, sit up in your best posture, and get to Know Your Enemy: Portland Pilots.




Portland, Oregon is located in the pacific northwest of our great nation. Though it is the most highly populated city in Oregon, it is not the capital. That honor belongs to Salem. If you would have asked me the capital of Oregon in 4th grade, I would have known. If you would have asked me the capital of Oregon 10 minutes ago I would’ve said Seattle. 

Portland is home to the Portland Trail Blazers. The Blazers famously drafted UK’s own Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan in 1984. They also drafted Greg Oden over Kevin Durant. Talk about your all time backfires. 

Most relevant to Kentucky, however, is the fact that our very own Kyle Wiltjer was born in Portland in October of 1992. SEVEN MONTHS after Christian Laettner broke the hearts of the commonwealth.


Notable Alumni:

Kunal Nayyar- Better known as Raj on The Big Bang Theory (Not Jerry Tipton’s favorite TV show). Kunal attended the University of Portland for a few years while pursuing a degree in finance, only to leave and pursue a Masters in acting at Temple University. The only good thing about The Big Bang Theory is Penny:


Penny did not attend the University of Portland. But you don’t care. You won’t even see this sentence.


Erik Spoelstra- The head coach of your 2012 National Basketball Association champion Miami Heat went to the University of Portland.  He played point guard for the Pilots for four years, averaging 9.2 points & 4.4 assists. Something few people know about Spoelstra is that he was one of ten people on the court when Hank Gathers collapsed during the 1990 WCC tournament. 


Cheerleading Scouting Report:


This is the greatest amount of clothes I’ve ever seen a dance team photographed in. You’re about to see why.


I’m not sure which picture is more flattering.

The University of Portland Dance Team: Bringing back a one piece even your grandmother would hate.


Basketball History:

Portland’s basketball history could use Rock Oliver. It is not strong. Portland has made two NCAA tournaments in it’s history (1959 & 1996). They’ve won one WCC conference tourney (1996).

They did have quite the postseason streak going in 2009-2011 as they made it to THREE STRAIGHT tournaments. Forget the fact they lost in the first round each year. That’s irrelevant.




Eric Reveno- Reveno is starting his 7th year at the Pilot controls. His tenure has seen it’s share of turbulence. Portland fans stay buckled at all times (see what I did there?).  Despite being named WCC Coach of the Year in 2009 for a 3rd place league finish, Reveno has lost over 20 games in 3 of his six seasons. He is 85-104 overall.

In this immediate results culture of collegiate athletics, the only way I can explain him having a job is that he must have compromising photos of his athletic director.



*They have two players coming into this game averaging double digit points. I will list them here but you won’t be impressed.



Ryan Nicholas- Everyday he’s hustlin’ hustlin’. Also, he is scoring 13.6 points and grabbing 10 rebounds per game. We’re done here.



Kevin Bailey- Soak in this picture of Mr. Bailey. You won’t see anything like this from him on Saturday. Unless he is on the receiving end.

Oh, I almost forgot. He averages 10 points, 1 rebound, and 1 assist. Why even bother with the rebound and the assist?


Last Meeting:

They last met on November 26th of 2011. Kentucky won the game 87-63 in Rupp Arena behind the strength of placing five players in double figures. A common theme last season. Even Brian Long played two minutes in that game. The box score was unclear if he appreciated it.

Here are the highlights of last year’s game from bigblueUKnation. Man I miss that team.



Portland comes in at a smoldering 3-5. It’s even possible they could be overlooking Kentucky. They have perennial powerhouse Portland Bible College coming to their place next Friday. Let’s hope this is the case.




Article written by Aaron Flener

John, I was first team All-State. I can put the ball anywhere I want to. I'll make it rain out here.

18 Comments for Know Your Enemy: Portland Pilots

  1. Xzander
    1:28 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    Big Bang Theory is a very funny show.

  2. KidCody
    1:31 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    If any of those dance team members start for them we might be in trouble.

  3. jetblue
    1:47 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    That dunk looks incredible.

  4. Kevin C.
    1:48 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    Wow…dissing one of the best comedies on TV. You’re so cool, Aaron.

    Look, we’ve already got a Corey Nichols, so try not to be a wannabe Corey, and stop sucking so much.

  5. NO
    1:52 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    The Big Bang Theory is one of the worst shows on TV. Its the same formula over and over and over again.

  6. huh?
    2:09 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    I don’t get the Brian Long/appreciate jokes. Can someone explain?

  7. Dr Mantis Taboggin
    2:27 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    Caley Cuoco chick from Big Bang is not hot, she’s chubby and she’s just on a show with the ugliest dudes of all time.

  8. Rand2010
    2:27 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    There is only two things to take away from this scouting report. Penny from that dumb ass show and the video highlights of last years team. Eric Spoelstra is a weasel I give Pat Riley most of the credit for winning that championship.

  9. "You Can't Handle The Truth"
    2:28 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    WoW, I have seen weigh-ins at Kahns that did’nt bring that poundage!

  10. yawn
    2:29 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    Portland? Not the TrailBlazers? Great, another yawner of a game in Rupp. Thank goodness for the $9.00 pizza slices and non alcoholic beverages and bluehairs. Otherwise the excitement would be overwhelming.

  11. KBF
    2:30 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    Seattle is in Washington.

  12. acarms
    3:00 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    What sentence?

  13. 3 fan
    3:13 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    7, you shut your mouth! Kaley is smoking hot!

  14. YourMom
    3:23 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    Aaron, why do you feel the need to rag on girls that are probably better looking and are in better shape than you?

  15. Big fan
    3:53 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    Check out one of the better bands from Portland, Blind Pilot:

  16. Crow
    3:54 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    Hilarious. And I enjoy the Big Bang theory

  17. UK Freshmen
    7:42 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    Wow. UK plays an awesome schedule.

  18. Women Everywhere
    11:23 pm December 7, 2012 Permalink

    Learn all about Portland — watch the show “Portlandia.” It’s all true.