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Jimmy Buffett’s Thursday News and Views

Why Jimmy Buffett, you ask?

It’s not his birthday; he didn’t die; he doesn’t have a new album out; and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been popped for happy drugs lately, although I can’t confirm that.

This week’s Thursday edition of the News and Views is dedicated to Jimmy Buffett because he’ll be at Riverbend in Cincinnati a week from today and this is my last night post before then. I’m going on vacation next week to see Buffett and the Coral Reefer Band in Noblesville, Indiana on Tuesday and then in Cincinnati, his favorite tour stop in the country, on Thursday. It’ll be my 11th and 12th Jimmy Buffett concerts and I expect both to be better than the last. It really gets better every year.

Now before you hate on Jimmy, his music, me, or my fellow parrotheads, let me paint a picture for you.

Close your eyes, if you will, and walk with me through Margaritaville.

(I guess you’ll have to keep at least one eye open to read. You get my point.)

…………………

You’re standing in a huge field of happiness and camaraderie on a gorgeous, sunny afternoon. You were wearing khaki shorts and your favorite golf shirt when you left the house this morning, but now you’re wearing a grass skirt, a coconut bra, and you have your right arm around an attractive lady and a giant pink plastic cup full of a delicious, fruity concoction in your left hand. You don’t know how any of them got there. Not the girl. Not the drink. And certainly not the coconut bra. Nor do you care. Your only concern is finding the next delicious, fruity concoction from a generous stranger. And maybe a hot dog, depending on what you ate for breakfast.

You start walking through the long rows of tailgaters and campsites, taking it all in and snapping pictures that won’t ever go on Facebook. Someone hands you a shot of tequila. You respectfully decline, because, well, it’s straight tequila and the sun is still up. They stare at you like you spit in their mother’s face. You take the tequila, smile and keep walking.

Oh, look, they’re wrestling in a baby pool full of ice. You take another picture and keep walking.  Someone hands you a jello shot and proceeds to explain it to you like you’re a 90-year-old woman picking up an Xbox controller. They say, “I was up all night making these! I make the best! It’s my secret recipe!!!” They’re lying to you. It’s Jello. Everyone uses the same recipe. You take it anyway because it’s free and looks cold. It wasn’t cold. And it was terrible.

You keep walking. You see a giant wheel of death and the guy in the shark mask dares you to spin. You break down the odds in your head: 5% chance of winning the parrot-shaped beads; 10% chance of a ‘Free Spin’; 85% chance of winning a free shot of tequila. You groan, reach for the wheel, and brace for the worst.

“Dude! The rules clearly say you have to take a shot of tequila before you spin!”

Of course they do.

You spin. You didn’t win the beads and you don’t get to spin again. And they ran out of salt and limes hours ago.

You walk back to your own tailgating spot to rest and chug a Gatorade to refuel and replenish. You take a big swig. That wasn’t your Gatorade. That was your buddy’s Gatorade and he has a vodka problem. You lose all hope in humanity and turn up the music. At this point, the coconut bra is tied around your head, your phone is dead, you can’t stop smiling, and there is a new stranger under your arm. She reminds you of your 5th grade math teacher but that’s okay. Your 5th grade math teacher was kinda cool, anyway. You kiss her — on the cheek, of course.

You ask the guy in the authentic Captain Morgan suit for the time. He pours you a drink from his leather canteen and says, “Halfway there, mate!” The concert is six hours away. You say you don’t care because you’re having the time of your life. You should care, because the ticket was expensive as sh#t.

You get the urge to spin that wheel again. You really want those beads.

You start walking again. The girl follows. She is wearing the grass skirt and the coconut bra. You’re wearing her clothes. You don’t know when the switch went down. You laugh about it and she tells you what a fine young man you’ve grown up to be. You realize she is your 5th math teacher. You kiss her again — on the lips this time.

Oh, look, 14 new people joined the wrestling match in the baby pool of ice.

You scream, “WHOOOOOOOO BUFFETTTTTTT!!!!!!!” and land a textbook bellyflop right in the middle of them.

The day rolls on.

You get my point.

…………………

So, see you all there?

Look for George’s Tavern.

Fins up.

Wednesday was a very slow day for fans of UK news. That is the big story of the day: It was slow and uneventful. Let’s hope for an action-packed Thursday!

Kentucky fans got their first glimpse of Andrew and Aaron Harrison (outside of YouTube, of course) on Wednesday night when ESPNU aired the Houston Defenders game against Boo Williams from AAU Super Showcase from Orlando. Texas A&M football commit Derrick Griffin stole the show, but Brothers Harrison did not disappoint. Andrew and Aaron showed TV viewers all over the country why their names are towards the top of the class of 2013 rankings and No. 1 and 2 on Coach Cal’s big board.

 Terrence Jones signed his paperwork to officially become a member of the Houston Rockets on Wednesday. T-Jones and Houston agreed to a two-year contract worth roughly $2.5 million. He’ll earn $1,237,500 in his first year and then $1,293,200 the next.

 It appears Tennessee quarterback Tyler Bray is going to walk away free after throwing empty beer bottles and golf balls at parked vehicles in the parking lot of his apartment complex. The first accuser, who was scheduled to meet with a detective on Wednesday, dropped all charges after Bray offered to pay for the damages. Knoxville Police Department spokesman Darrell DeBusk said Bray reached out to her and apologized and is going to take care of the vehicle.

Vandalism to a second victim’s vehicle is still under investigation. She accuses Bray and his roommate of intentionally shattering her windshield on Monday afternoon as retaliation for calling the police on him Saturday night for throwing bottles.

Wes Rucker, a senior writer at GoVols247.com, shrugged the incident of as nothing, saying “bros will be bros.” He added, “I won’t be a hyprocrite about stupid college stuff. I once got tossed out of a bar for peeing in a sink.”

While I agree with Rucker that almost everyone has gotten drunk and done something stupid in college (I’ll save my personal stories for another time), I can’t say that I vandalized any vehicles, especially random vehicles in my apartment complex. To say “bros will be bros” and call this “stupid college stuff” is absurd. Bray and his roommate deserve some sort of punishment, at least from the school, if not from the law.

I still can’t believe he hasn’t been cited for possession of that back tattoo.

 There is an APB out for Casual Gamer Reed. We have to find him. If you know his whereabouts or anyone who could provide any information about him, please contact me or Matt through the email addresses listed at the top of the site. A man that optimistic about UK football can’t hide forever. We need him to step out of the shadows and lead Big Blue Nation into the 2012-13 college football season. 12-0!

38 days until Kentucky vs. Louisville in Papa John’s Stadium…

 Since 99.99% of you don’t even subscribe to the Herald-Leader, I’m going to go ahead and assume you don’t have a subscription to the Times of India – Hyderabad. So you probably missed this…

There’s nothing in there you didn’t already know, but now you can scratch “Read the Times of India – Hyderbad” off your bucket list.

In hip-hop news, rapper Starlito (formerly known as All-Star and All-Star Cashville Prince) referenced Anthony Davis on his new mixtape. On the freestyle “I Go Dumb,” Mr. Lito says, “Savages, all my [acquaintances] savages; and we stick together like the eyebrows of the number one draft pick.”

You can find it on YouTube but be careful if you decide to listen: The language is very graphic and the song is terrible. It’s so bad, you don’t even notice the language.

Thursday will be the last day of counting down to the 2012 Olympic Games in London. I don’t know about you, but I’m very excited about the opening ceremony Friday night. Beijing raised the bar four years ago with the drummers and billions of people dancing as one body, and I expect London to exceed the sights and sounds of that spectacle. I read somewhere online that Lord Voldemert (Harry Potter villain) is going to fight Mary Poppins at some point during the ceremony — that’s almost to weird to make up.

Corey Nichols will be here at 9:00 a.m. with one of his five best posts this week.

Stick around.

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

46 Comments for Jimmy Buffett’s Thursday News and Views



  1. Culver
    11:43 pm July 25, 2012 Permalink

    Big Blue Nation needs to get behind Joe Castillo on America’s Got Talent…a Lexington native!



  2. Bman
    11:54 pm July 25, 2012 Permalink

    You’re A strange bird Drew…



  3. nassau65
    12:02 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    I told you what would happen if you ate those mushrooms again, Drew.



  4. Christina_BBN
    12:07 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    I’M REAL, BOI!!!



  5. JF
    12:07 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    There is a typo in the Davis bio from the newspaper.



  6. Wildcatcarrie
    12:10 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    One more week! FINS UP!! Your description of the Buffett experience was dead on.



  7. monster class
    12:14 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Twins are good…….real good.



  8. srini
    12:23 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    thats my hometown hyderabad…



  9. Slappy
    12:33 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Been to 3 Buffett concerts & I keep waiting for stuff like that to happen. But, nothing. They’re fun enough I guess, but not anymore so than a normal show.



  10. dac
    12:52 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VY8Mx8r2gAw&list=UUN1DFCLTspCf7JvstSqsGwQ&index=10&feature=plcp

    This casual gamer guy would be classic on the radio show.
    Ask him about his celibacy challenge.



  11. Computer Blue
    2:03 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    I know you don’t want me to hate on Buffet but he seems terribly overrated to me.



  12. Duke Sucks
    2:16 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Shame a damn paper in India can see Davis could help this team and Coach isn’t going to give him chance. ESPN should stop being a Duke homer and call him out. I bet it every thing was reversed they would Kill Cal



  13. SeaCat
    2:18 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    I concur with 2/3, reminds with that
    Louisville gonzo guy, Hunter something.
    Keep up the good work Drew; we only
    remember crazy writers.



  14. BPsycho
    2:21 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Epic post.



  15. fishnchips
    2:34 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    London opening ceremonies won’t come close to Beijing’s.



  16. Eric K
    2:43 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    5,4,2,1,3 GO CATS!!



  17. tombanjo
    5:34 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    make sure you buy the kids’ lemonade driving into deer creek.



  18. NostraDanis
    5:44 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    “We are the people our parents warned us about”



  19. Milton Wadams
    6:05 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    You would have to pay me at least $1,000 to go see Jimmy Buffet. Have you seen my red stapler?



  20. Matt in Franklin
    7:41 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    FYI—CBS Sports Network is showing the replays of the GA-UK and TN-UK games starting at 6PM CST Friday night, 11PM and 7AM Saturday morning…our coaches keep saying these are the games that set the tone going into this season…



  21. jake the snake
    7:46 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    After his agent’s cut and taxes, TJ will only be bringing in about $500,000 per year. That’s damn near chump change.



  22. jcatron
    7:59 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    5,1,3,2,4



  23. ThatsAShame
    8:17 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Times of India. Pinko Commie rag!



  24. Jax Teller
    8:18 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Ahh Drew, thank you for ruining the next week while anticipating the Buffet concert in Cincinnati. Folks, you may not like the music, but people aren’t there for the music. See you there.



  25. JayCee
    8:22 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Saw him in ATL in the late 90’s. Meh.

    Give me a Phish concert. Every time.



  26. GoCats2
    8:33 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    I have seen Buffet 3 times in Cincy. and once in Atlanta. Had a great time everytime but I am not going to say that Cincinnati is his favorite tour stop. If you travel with a band on their tour you might hear them say “this is my favorite tour stop” in about 20 different cities.



  27. jason
    8:59 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    If you are lucky maybe you’ll meet Margarita man. I saw him on Art Mann Presents. He looked like a cool guy. lol



  28. 3 fan
    9:02 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Nothing better than a Buffett concert. The guy has the best job in the world and knows it. You ain’t lived til you’ve see Jimmy! And make sure to show up 3 hours early, cause the parking lot is a blast!



  29. tombanjo
    9:05 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    thats whats up.



  30. tombanjo
    9:08 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    george jettson had an lsd lab in his basement.



  31. CatfanJ
    9:25 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Last time I saw Buffett was in NOLA the night before we won the NCAA basketball championship. It was my sons 12th birthday and it was his first concert!!!! Such a magical couple of days. The Avett brothers before Buffett put on a great show too!!! Living my life like a song!!! Go Big Blue!!!



  32. BlueFins
    9:31 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Fins Up Drew!! Hope to run into you again in the parking lot in Cincy. Gotta meet JaxTeller!. He’s right, the concert is secondary. Every self respecting pirate knows you go to a Buffett concert for the parking lot DEBAUCHERY!!!



  33. luvmesumcats
    9:34 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    #22 – Agree. Or just 5,1,5,1,5.



  34. H.A. Milton
    9:52 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    I used to think you were a pure douche without a single redeeming quality to speak of, Drew. I must say, this post has shown me that while you are pure douche, that IS your redeeming and endearing quality! Best of luck in Margaritaville…



  35. Wildcat Carrie
    10:04 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Jax, you’ll be there too? Sweeet! I’ll see you guys in the parking lot. I’ll be the one in the margarita glasses & the grass skirt.



  36. OoogieBoogie
    10:32 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Franklin, that there’s the best writing I’ve seen from you since you joined KSR! Clearly Buffett concerts are your great passion in life.



  37. KYPARROTHEAD
    10:38 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    My day is a dream come true! Big Blue and Jimmy Buffett in the same post??? WOW!!! I will be in the ‘Natti for the 14th year in row with my beadsm feathers, fins, grass skirts and Captain Morgan! Oh, and Drew, I’ll let my wife know what you thought of her jello-shots!I’m hoping to hear Whos The Blonde Stranger, but we’ll see! Let the FIN begin! #[email protected]



  38. Steve McQueen
    10:39 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    First Buffett concert I ever went to was in Cincy in late 90’s. I ate a bunch of Nuclear Minter’s shrimp (he was coaching there then) and drank way too much of everything, just like you described, Drew. Then we got so drunk we accidentally walked out of the concert and had to jump the fence to get back in. Epic night and an epic post. Thanks for bringing back that memory, Drew.



  39. CasualGamerHunter
    10:40 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    There are no email addresses at the top of this site on my screen. A little mmore info please.



  40. Phish
    11:41 am July 26, 2012 Permalink

    Buffet shows are for folks who don’t go to many concerts. I understand the atmosphere, I’m sure its fun (and very redneck). I just hate Buffett’s music. It terrible corny island country.

    AIDS burger in paradise



  41. 3 fan
    12:16 pm July 26, 2012 Permalink

    40, then go to your Phish concert. Sorry Jerry Garcia died I guess your days as a deadhead are over. Can anyone name ONE Phish song?



  42. Phish
    12:26 pm July 26, 2012 Permalink

    41: Sorry you like shit music. Phish, while not being everyone’s cup of tea, is consistently one of the highest grossing tours in the world every year. Not to mention over 20 years and 1000’s of shows they’ve never played the same setlist twice. Buffet has like 30 songs and maybe a few covers. Have fun hearing that same shit over and over.



  43. gtowncatfan
    12:56 pm July 26, 2012 Permalink

    This could have been the best post you have written. And I have not even made it to the new and views portion…



  44. UK#9
    3:17 pm July 26, 2012 Permalink

    5,3,4,1,2 Yep Yep



  45. ushouldno
    3:53 pm July 26, 2012 Permalink

    I have seen Buffett eight times. The first was Labor day 1976 @ the September Sun Festival @ Masterson Station park in Lexington. JB was smoking reefer on the stage and most of us were smoking it in the crowd. I will be 61 next week what was I talking about?



  46. Tullymarrs
    8:17 am July 28, 2012 Permalink

    Hey Drew I will be there…This will be 12 for me as well. Love the tailgate area…gonna get there early on thursday. Where will you be at? Would love to meet up with some Big Blue Parrotheads!