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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Jared Lorenzen pulls a Jordan

In what is easily my favorite story of the day, former UK quarterback Jared Lorenzen has resigned as general manager of the Ultimate Indoor Football League’s Northern Kentucky River Monsters to become the team’s starting quarterback.  Rarely are fans of any team given the chance to see a legend move from the front office to the field and the River Monsters’ faithful are being treated to the experience after only one week of existence.  Before you get upset and express concerns about whether or not the Pillsbury Throwboy is ready for game action after serving as a suit, know that Lorenzen will take his time in getting back on the field.  He plans to spend today preparing for the game tomorrow night, in which he will start.  And you thought today was going to be a bad day.

Just remember, what doesn’t starve you, only makes you stronger.

Article written by Thomas Beisner

19 Comments for Jared Lorenzen pulls a Jordan

  1. NegativeForNoReason
    1:44 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    Hefty Lefty!!!!!!

  2. DTI
    1:47 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    We are all witnesses…to a man with an eating disorder.

  3. Dennis Smith
    1:48 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    Jared Lorenzen, a legend? OK the author gets a pass for rhetorical prose. Lorenzen is a legend maybe in his own mind, and this will be a short rather pathetic experiment.

  4. bob1378
    1:49 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    That guy used to drink a case of Mountain Dew every day.

  5. Epps2Shep
    1:51 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    Dusty Bonner and I are still scratching our heads.

  6. btowncatfan
    1:52 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    where are these games played and how do i get tickets?

  7. barn
    1:53 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    -3-you obviously wouldn’t know a legend if a 300 pound one fell on your head

    1:57 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

  9. WhatHappensInVargasStaysInVargas
    2:00 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    I heard a rumor Cal confiscated Lamb’s dinner-in-a-bag and it ended in fisticuffs.

    Any truth to this, Burlington?

    2:01 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    6.) The games are played at Northern Kentucky University’s Bank of Kentucky Center. Here is the web site for tickets:

  11. UKFAN97
    3:25 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    3) He was pretty darn good at UK, so not sure why so much hate for the guy.

  12. tom5673
    3:37 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    i just don’t understand how you all can hate on jared lorenzen. the guy was a complete warrior for us at uk. he played for some marginal teams with uk-caliber talent in a loaded sec. he also underwent some coaching changes which isn’t easy for any player, let alone the quarterback. yet, through it all, he set not only school records but conference records as well. this guy was born weighing over 11 pounds. the local television station up here did a story on him when he was born. he was a winner at every level he competed at. the derek smith-lorenzen years at highlands were some of the most dominant in school history in both basketball and football. clearly, those of you that are bashing him didn’t watch him play because you would have a whole different respect. yes he’s huge. perhaps he could have dropped a few pounds. but, he was never thin his whole life…never. that’s his body type. but, noone ever stopped him offensively. and for that, he should be given his proper respect.

  13. NegativeForNoReason
    3:41 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    I played against him in high school, and he put his helmet thru the face mask of our all-state linebacker…..He was a beast!

  14. Artose
    5:44 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    This is awesome! I will definetly be going to a game.

  15. Women Everywhere
    6:40 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    3 / He set school record for passing yards among other things….can’t remember, look it up

  16. Dan1996
    7:15 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    Beisner you are a disgrace as a UK fan. Show some respect to someone who bled for the program you [email protected]#.

  17. sortleader2
    7:17 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    I remember when our uniforms weren’t tacky Smurf bait. Definitely a better look. Joker, c’mon man….

  18. Grevey's Sports Bar
    11:52 pm February 24, 2011 Permalink

    Dude was underrated. That’s a fact. Much more deft on his feet than was given credit for. If we would’ve had a better line, and if 2 of every 3 plays wasn’t a variation of a bubble screen, he might have been remembered better. He did win that huge game against the UL in 2002.

  19. tom5673
    10:21 am February 25, 2011 Permalink

    people often forget that if lsu doesn’t pull off the miracle, that team would have been 8-4. of course, we weren’t bowl eligible that year, but that was a good team.
    lorenzen ranks as the all-time leader in passing yards, completions and attempts for a career and season. he also holds the record for single game passing yards (525 against georgia in 2000). if tim couch is in the ring of honor, then lorenzen belongs there as well. dude could flat out play.