As most of you know, El Capitan Jones is manning the Ryder Cup station this week for The Ticket and he’s been up to no good since he got there. He’s questioned Scott Van Pelt about jorts and I think he lit a flaming bag of poop on the front step of Paidrag Harrington’s hotel room. Well, he was up to no good today again and did his best to create some sort of international incident involving the good name of Jared Carter, who is now UK’s official international ambassador.
The following conversation took place at the Ryder Cup this afternoon. Two of the three names have been changed to protect their identities but the story, however, is 100% factual on all accounts. The scene is the media tent and our fearless leader, Matt Jones, finds himself inadvertently invited into a conversation with a few members of the European press.
Euro Reporter 1: Everyone keeps talking about Kentucky’s University basketball team. Apparently they are the class of the University basketball teams in America.
Euro Reporter 2: I know. I am trying to find a way to incorporate it into my story tomorrow.
Euro Reporter 1: You should say that J.B. Holmes and Kenny Perry are like the University basketball team on the golf course.
Euro Reporter 2 looks at Matt Jones’ press credential and sees Kentucky on it and turns to ask him a question.
Euro Reporter 2: Who are the best players on the University basketball team?
Matt Jones: Patrick Patterson and Jared Carter.
Euro Reporter 2: Thank you. (turns to reporter 1) Tomorrow I’ll write that Kenny Perry and J.B. Holmes are the Patrick Patterson and Jared Carter on the golf course.
So, if you’re looking to find a fair comparison between J.B. Holmes, Kenny Perry and the UK basketball team, don’t read this tomorrow. But, if you’ve got a fever for more Jared Carter, that just might be the place to go.