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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

It’s Porter, bitch

As the Kentucky basketball world continues to turn and the point guard debate rages on, this Monday morning brings us a new, surprising take on the situation.  It seems that pop star Britney Spears and her comeback are really taking no prisoners and inspired by the success of Third Eye Blind’s take on UK football and ESPNU’s Jim Barbar’s nickname for a certain Cat, the former Mrs. Federline is hitting the charts with her own take on the UK point guard situation by remixing her hit, Womanizer” (possibly NSFW).

Superstar
That’s what they call the point guard freshman
Got a ‘tude
He might need a little direction.

He’s a triple-double threat but
No matter what his stats are
He will never start
Never start, baby

Other dude
Is a junior from Modesto
Plays real hard
But fans still aren’t impressed though

Makin’ stupid passes
But I can see right through them,
I know what you are
What you are, baby

Stabilizer, Stabil-Stabilizer
You’re the Stabilizer
Oh, Stabilizer, oh
You’re the Stabilizer, baby

You, you, you are
You, you, you are
Stabilizer, Stabilizer
Stabilizer

Mike don’t try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Mike don’t try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

You try to fool us
By turning it over
But I still know it
You Stabilizer

Mike don’t try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Mike don’t try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

They say you’re awful
But you coulda played football
You’re nothing but a
Stabilizer

Porterrhea
Is what they call it your playin’
Too bad for them
You at least listen to what Clyde’s sayin’

Who would have thought that
just going in the game when coach told you to
Would get you far
That’s what got you far, baby

Discipline
Is what it takes to play the “1” spot
A married player?
You shoulda just cut your junk off

A half-court trap is poopie
When you’re tempted daily by 19-year old groupies
Hard to do?
Not for you, baby

Stabilizer, Stabil-Stabilizer
You’re the Stabilizer
Oh, Stabilizer, oh
You’re the Stabilizer, baby

You, you, you are
You, you, you are
Stabilizer, Stabilizer
Stabilizer

Mike don’t try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Mike don’t try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

You try to fool us
By turning it over
But I still know it
You Stabilizer

Mike don’t try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Mike don’t try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

They say you’re awful
But you coulda played football
You’re nothing but a
Stabilizer

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Article written by Thomas Beisner