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Humble Behavioral Suggestions: Norfolk State

 See you at the Catwalk, dum-dum

Here we are, back by popular demand! And, by popular I mean two people in the comments section asked for a repeat, so I’m going for it. Those brave souls represent about .000000000017% of the readership, but who’s counting. I’m just here to give the people what they want.

Judging by the outcome of last week’s game, many of you probably enjoyed your Sunday outing. And, according to a late evening text message, at least one of you was pleased with the BBQ pork sandwich selection. Unfortunately, I was unable to join you. I was holed up in my Bloomington apartment trying to count the line beards in the crowd. (In case you were wondering, I didn’t get an exact figure, but the number dwindled greatly as the second half wore on.)

This week, though, the Cats return home to face the pesky Spartans of Norfolk State. Hell, they may not be pesky. Let’s be honest, that’s a euphemism for “crappy.” Unfortunately, and this may be news to many of you, Chris Fowler and the Gameday Crew opted out of coming to Lexington at the last moment for this one, because, as Lee Corso said, “these aren’t your grandpa’s Spartans!”

Corso was one of the many ineligible ‘Noles at last season’s MCB

But fear not, worthy patrons, my years of experience at Commonwealth Stadium have prepared me for such events, and I feel completely comfortable in telling you what to do—and what to expect—at Saturday’s game. Ergo, read on…and learn something:

The Cat Walk is mandatory (3:45PM): The team always said that they would stop as far back as they needed to in order to alleviate all of the fans’ worries of getting to see the Cats up close. Broseph used to worry about the team getting too hot on the walk into the stadium, but he’s kind of a wuss like that. When playing pick up football, he used to slide if he caught the second completion for a first down in lieu of being tackled. That’s not a joke. Moral of the story: meet your boys as soon as they roll onto campus; they deserve a heroes welcome. Oh, and be on the lookout for cops on motorcycles to randomly roll up to you, exit his or her bike, and begin screaming in your face about how they’re going to take you to jail for no apparent reason.

Jeremy’s Jar-men: OK, look. Traditionally, I’m against such activity that takes away from actually viewing the game (i.e. the Wave). Seriously, I can’t stand when football is being played and the jackals behind you keep yelling, “look, look! It made it! Ahhhhh!!!!!! Here it comes! Here it comes!” However, if a group of you overzealous fans were to dress up as jars or something and cheer on the sack master, I’d be all for. Take a page from Phillies fans at Veterans Stadium: they were kings of word play. It doesn’t have to be Jarmon, that’s only a suggestion. Don’t use Dixon, though. That could get ugly.

Don’t turn your back on the Wolf-pack

Expect greatness from the pregame video/routine: I like to enter the stadium about 30 minutes early, if for no other reason than to pee. However, I typically enjoy the pregame video set to O Fortuna, especially when there are solid highlights to use. Last year, however, this one kind of let me down. Seriously, is that a Gatorade commercial? This year, though, I expect a vast improvement. You should, too. If nothing else, cheer throughout the video as if you enjoy it and realize that it’s, you know, occurring. Get one of those unison-clap things started that always gets waaaaay too rapid for the beat. Oh, and let’s try to look a little less confused when the cheerleaders start the “We Believe” chant. That one always takes a couple of revolutions before everyone catches on.

Enjoy yourselves, and be mindful of those around you. Finally, be there, or be square.

Article written by Evan Hilbert