How have you been? Great to hear! You’re looking well. Have you always had that scar? It’s barely noticeable. No, really. It makes you look tough. I’m serious.
Forgive my recent absences from the esteemed pages of Kentucky Sports Radio, friends. I recently ran afoul of the law in the Adamawa region of the Republic of Cameroon for some questions concerning the illegal dealing of migratory birds (I was only holding them for a friend) and consequently was detained for a small period of time. If you’re ever there, I do recommend trying the cocoyam-infused fufu. It is a delight.
When our new commandant Beisner contacted recently about contributing to Jorts Day, I nearly dropped my tome of French Neoclassicism. Would I? Of course I would. As it turns out, Josh Harrelson is — as he is for many of you — a truly beloved Wildcat. From the day he stepped onto campus, KSR knew a star was born. Over the last many years, several of our men’s basketball players have been granted colorful nicknames due to first impressions, including (but not limited to):
Basil Hayden — “Spats”
Nazr Mohammed — “Jelly Shoes”
LeRon Ellis — “Pac Man Fever”
Rodney Dent — “Minnie Peal Hat”
Mark Pope — “Elizabeth-Barrett-Browning-Enthusiast”
But “Jorts.” Ah, Jorts. No one wowed the kids like Jorts. Immediately two things were clear. 1.) He enjoyed the refreshing touch of denim on a hot summer day, and 2.) he certainly was not afraid to take part in a group picture. We all watched him grow from from a delicate man-flower to a rugged, give-it-all-you-got go-getter in the paint. We felt for him as he allegedly sat within a lonely bathroom stall. We watched him come-of-age during the Louisville game. We also learned other interesting (though often unconfirmed) facts about our man Josh. Facts like:
-He rides a horse to class.
-He likes cheese, but not all cheeses.
-He once entered an Abraham Lincoln look-a-like contest in Fort Worth, Texas (third place).
-He once entered an Abraham Lincoln look-a-like contest in Denver, Colorado (first place).
-He once destroyed a Showbiz Pizza pop-a-shot by dunking on it.
-He loves the sound of the waves on the Puget Sound because it reminds him of the sound of the waves on the Prince William Sound.
-Once defeated Kyle Kuric in a sword-fight.
-He wonders whatever happened to the musical duo Calloway.
And now we bid him goodbye on seÃ±or night. As it’s said, “if you love something, set it free. If it returns to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, you’re going to have to find another friend who wears jean-shorts.” Whichever the case may be, I think it’s safe to say we’ve all enjoyed our time with Josh. Once you’re a part of this Big Blue Community, you’re always a part of it. Godspeed, Mother Hen. You’ll always have friends here.