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Gingers Can Have Success, Too!

I’ll assume you know we have a new football coach. Not because there have been countless posts here telling you that, but because my mom knows we have a new football coach. She asked me, “Who did UK hire?” I could have said any two consecutive words that sounded like a real name, but I went ahead and told her the truth.

“Mark Stoops. He’s a defensive coordinator from Florida State.”  Although she didn’t know what any of that meant, she does know we have a new coach. I assume you do, too.

Coach Stoops comes in with great pedigree, a defensive mind, recruiting connections, and ginger hair.

The smarter, more passionate KSR football minds like Rashawn will write about the pedigree, defense, and recruiting he brings. But I want to talk about the gingerness he brings.

Try to name a ginger you know personally and don’t like. You can’t, can you? I’ll tell you why. Gingers are great people. They aren’t automatically popular, therefore they have to make up for it in other ways. However, those ways cannot consist of them going outside during daylight.

For instance, you’re not going to see a ginger mowing an old lady’s grass, teaching the neighborhood kids how to swim, or sealing their parents driveway.  But you could definitely count on a ginger to help you move after dark or give you a ride to and from the airport. Just like you would never ask me to be on your limbo team, don’t ask a ginger to play beach volleyball. People thrive when placed in a position in which they can succeed.

For Mark Stoops, Kentucky is a place he believes he can succeed.

Due to Carrot Top, people don’t always have faith in gingers to be good at what they do. So, to encourage the Big Blue Nation to believe our new football coach can succeed, I want to give you examples in which gingers are succeeding/have succeeded in different walks of life.  Join me after the jump as we take a look at some fair skinned folks who have experienced some level of success.

 

Notable Gingers: Basketball Division

Brian Scalabrine- Like any smart, self respecting ginger, Scalabrine loves spray tans. But my favorite thing about Brian is that he enjoys getting buckets from behind the 3 point line and winning championships. Besides making millions of dollars to play basketball and being unable to enjoy an all day trip to the lake, Scalabrine reminds me a lot of Jon Hood. Always the first one off the bench to high five teammates. Always ready to shoot when he is in the game. Always willing to sacrifice playing time to win a championship. Scalabrine played in college for the real USC, which knocked UK out of the NCAA tournament that one year in that one round.

 

John Pelphrey- Currently an assisstant coach for Florida, Pelphrey did his ballin’ at the University of Kentucky.  Though his coaching career has been somewhat up and down, Pelphrey was a member of The Unforgettables. He had the best view of anyone for arguably the worst moment of my childhood.  I didn’t post the video because you’ve seen it. Also, I enjoy watching that video about like I enjoyed coming back from Christmas or summer break in college and having people ask me how my Christmas/summer break was.

(Why do people do that? They don’t care how your break was. You aren’t even really friends with them. Yes, they made out with one of your friends last semester. But that doesn’t make you friends.)

 

Bill Walton- While being most well known for his love of The Grateful Dead, “The Big Red-Head” also spent some time playing the game of basketball at a very “high” level. He was a star for John Wooden’s legendary UCLA teams in the ’70s. He won three consecutive College Player of the Year Awards and led the Bruins to two national titles. He then went on to have a great career in the NBA. He was once the league MVP and won two championships. His professional career was cut short by multiple foot injuries. Walton was inducted into the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame in 1993. Truly a great example of ginger success.

 

Notable Gingers: Cartoon Division

Jessica Rabbit- She’s the Kate Upton of ginger cartoons. She’s not bad, she’s just drawn that way. Here’s to hoping Mark Stoops can draw up plays as good looking as Jessica Rabbit.

 

Wilma Flinstone- Wife to Fred and mother to Pebbles. Wilma was always there to try to unsuccessfully talk Fred out of his ridiculous schemes and always there to bail him out of trouble.  She is the consummate ginger, always willing to lend a helping hand. I hope Mark Stoops can be the Wilma to our crazy, unpredictable Fred Flinstone-like football program.

 

Ariel- The character most associated with “The Little Mermaind”, Ariel is the youngest daughter of King Triton and Queen Athena. She kicks it with two dudes named Sebastian and Flounder most of the time and gave up her voice to become a human.  Let’s hope Mark Stoops shows better judgement.

 

Notable Gingers: Musician Division

 

Reba McEntire- “Rumor has it” the “lights went out in Georgia Florida” and  “a benevolent Mitch took Mark in off the streets.” It’s “his one chance and I hope he doesn’t let us down.”

 

Bonnie Raitt- Mark Stoops “can’t make you love him if you don’t. He can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.” But I guarantee he’s “gonna give you something to talk about.”

 

Ginger Spice- If Mark Stoops wanna be our ball coach, he gotta get with our friends. (Specifically Jeremy Jarmon & Andre Woodson.) I also wouldn’t mind seeing Stoops “zig a zig ah,” either. Sounds like an awesome pass play.

 

Notable Gingers: Actor/Actress Division

 

Alyson Hannigan- Best known to most for her usage of the flute in “American Pie”, Hannigan also stars on the hit CBS show “How I Met Your Mother”. Speaking of meeting people’s mothers, I’m ready for Mark Stoops to hit the recruiting trail. How about you?

 

Christina Hendricks (known to most as “Joan” from Mad Men)- Joan started as a secretary and slowly worked her way up to office manager and eventually to partner. She is the poster child for ginger advancement in the workplace. Like Mark Stoops, she put in her time as an assistant and finally became the boss. I doubt they used the same tactics to get where they got, but they got there none the less.

 

Buzz from Home Alone-  I hope Stoops is tough on his players, but I hope he is more hospitable than Kevin’s brother Buzz. Buzz once told Kevin “I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my a**.”  Buzz had no room to talk. His girlfriend was “WOOF.”

 

Chuck Norris- I wouldn’t call Chuck Norris a ginger, but the internet does. In fact, I wouldn’t call Chuck Norris anything but “Awesome.” If Mark Stoops can be as awesome as his ginger counter part, he’ll be cutting through hot knives with butter, slamming revolving doors, and beating Nick Saban in no time.

 

Welcome to the day-walking era of UK Football.

Hoops and Stoops. THAT’S WHAT KENTUCKY DOES!

 

@AFlenerKSR


 

 

Article written by Aaron Flener

John, I was first team All-State. I can put the ball anywhere I want to. I'll make it rain out here.

27 Comments for Gingers Can Have Success, Too!



  1. Beatle Bum
    1:34 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Bobby Petrino. Case closed.



  2. Mad Monk
    1:35 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    How in the hell do you not include Isla Fisher???



  3. some are mean
    1:37 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    I know a ginger who is a dick



  4. Go Straight To Jail
    1:38 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    The “real USC”?!? YOU BITE YOUR TONGUE, BOY. You are in the SEC young man.
    The University of Spoiled Children is the University of Louisville of the World.
    Have you ever been to Southern California? People there who have even half
    an education and a lick of since LAUGH AT USC CONSTANTLY. You should
    be ashamed of yourself. “The Real USC”. I cannot believe a writer for an SEC
    school would say such a thing. Disgusting. Truly, disgusting.



  5. Go Straight To Jail
    1:38 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    since – sense. Lo siento mucho, and mea culpa.



  6. ginger
    1:39 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Opie…..Me…..



  7. josh
    1:47 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    im a ginger and im proud there are only 2 out of every 100 of us. 2% of the world is gingers we are a dying breed



  8. stoooooops
    1:50 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    hey Go Straight to Jail, you mad bro?



  9. FYI...
    1:50 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    calling a person a ginger can be considered offensive in some walks of life.



  10. JPhelps
    1:50 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Carrot Top… Boom Roasted. Nobody likes him!



  11. Ginger
    1:52 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Do Gingers poop ginger ice cream?



  12. chief_cat
    1:53 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Ummm.. Red Auerbach



  13. Jon Gruden
    1:57 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Me, me, me!!! Don’t forget Chucky!



  14. long haired spanish dictionary
    2:00 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    5- it’s “Mi Culpa” not “Mea”



  15. CatsFan
    2:01 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    I just hope he has a soul. Actually, this could be good news for UK. Nick Saban doesn’t have a soul and he wins National Championships. Gingers come standard without souls. Therefore, Stoops=Saban.



  16. Women Everywhere
    2:04 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Ron Howard?



  17. Tim Masthay
    2:04 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    I can kick real good



  18. Mr. O'Brien
    2:10 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    No love for Coco?



  19. Mike
    2:16 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    No love for Lois Griffin?



  20. Han
    2:22 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Personally, I’m hoping we add Matthew Modine as our Offensive Coordinator from FSU.

    Really, is it just me?
    Coley: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6c5eoDD2SMw
    Modine: http://tinyurl.com/btmbtym



  21. Cowboy
    2:36 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    19 & 21.. Good thing no one MADE you read it then… otherwise I guess you would be having a really bad day. Feel free to go throw rocks at small children, run over elderly folks with your car, or whatever it is the two of you usually do in your spare time. I’m sure KSR can make it through the rest of the day without you.



  22. random dude
    2:36 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    the Latin phrase = mea culpa
    in Spanish it would be = culpa mia



  23. Cowboy
    2:37 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Posts deleted…. nevermind



  24. Richie Rich
    3:11 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    You are correct Gingers can be found most times along with Salamanders under a water fall waiting for darkness to come.



  25. I'dRatherBeDead
    3:16 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    How bout a young Philip Seymour Hoffman or Jeff Garcia, dude married a playmate.



  26. Coppertop
    3:23 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    I am happy to be more of a Ginger than a Marianne…..(Gilligan’s Island, for you youngsters)



  27. bluristhurr
    3:37 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    #4 you’re an idiot and do yourself a favor old man and go back to your flower garden