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Game Faces: Northwood Seahawks Edition

We’re rolling out Game Faces for the first basketball game of the season, and I plan on bringing it back for every game of the year (all the way through winning #9). Tonight, the Cats suit up against one of the best high school NAIA teams in America, Northwood. Since they are just an exhibition team, we won’t go in on them too hard. But if we are going to do this season right, we gotta start somewhere. Let’s check in on tonight’s foe…

The talk of tonight’s game is the little guy with big game for the Seahawks — Tyrone Davis. His height as been addressed, but he does bear some resemblance to another (much less) undersized guard who gets buckets in Monta Ellis.

Tracy Parks isn’t a movie star yet, but if he keeps this look up he may become the next John Hawkes — and possibly portray a guitar-slingin’, meth-smokin’, Appalachian uncle a la Winter’s Bone. Or just be an extra on the last season of Breaking Bad.

This may not be the best comparison, but my first impression of Northwood’s Mike Newton was that he resembled some guy from some Saturday morning show about high schoolers. After racking my brain and finding nothing, the most generic google search in the world returned immediate results. Turns out, I was thinking of City Guys and Wesley Jonathan.

Remember that cooky Mike O’Malley guy who loved hockey and baseball? Patrick Horstmann surely does, considering they could be long lost brothers.

Look, when a guy has the name Texas Derland, there is only one comparison to be made. Chuck Norris wouldn’t have it any other way, but Walker Texas Ranger himself would probably tell Derland to be a man and grow a damn beard.

If Taylor Lautner wasn’t a she-wolf or whatever he is, then he would lose some of that tan and end up like the pale version of himself to the left — Austin Anderson. The girl next to me in class just saw me google image searching pictures of the Twilight guy, so I have to get off here guys. Gonna go cry from embarrassment.

Cats by 1,000,000 tonight. Alex Poythress goes for 55, 25, and 15.

Article written by Chris Thomas

8 Comments for Game Faces: Northwood Seahawks Edition

  1. Kingscuba89
    4:08 pm November 1, 2012 Permalink

    How can anybody be compared to chuck Norris

  2. Raylan Givens
    4:12 pm November 1, 2012 Permalink

    Chuck Norris once pissed in a trucks gas tank as a prank. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

  3. 44 Stitches
    4:15 pm November 1, 2012 Permalink

    The PG does look a lot like Monta Ellis. wow

  4. Riggo
    4:23 pm November 1, 2012 Permalink

    #2……….4 years ago called……..

  5. Devastation INC
    4:49 pm November 1, 2012 Permalink

    I remember this one time a band camp we did something similar to this and it was so crazy.

  6. BigBlueBallz
    6:47 pm November 1, 2012 Permalink

    All white people look the same anyway.

  7. statman
    10:17 pm November 1, 2012 Permalink

    Chris Thomas must not have had much time to throw this together. Either that, or he needs stronger glasses.

  8. what?
    10:34 am November 2, 2012 Permalink

    Check out the actual address string in Chris’ linked google search…he cleaned up the query before posting, but you can see his original request and the one extra word makes it much funnier