Good morning, friends and family. And foes who are along for the ride today. We’re gonna go ahead and skip the morning links on this fine Saturday. Why? Well, because there’s nothing more important than what’s going at 12:00PM on CBS with the Cats taking on the Tar Heels. Let’s kick this thing off the right way with a little Game Faces action. This high profile rivalry action wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t poke a little fun against UK’s talented opponent.
From the ‘land of tall strangely people’ comes John Henson. Apart from being tall, he has the oddest body shape. Long legs, a waist that starts around the height of my hears, and big flailing arms. He definitely resembles an awkward bird of some type, so the pterodactyl will work. We’ve got our own tall guy in Davis, and seeing how this matchup plays out will be fun. There’s no way Henson finishes with more blocks than AD (unless Jones goes back in to last year’s form).
“Nice shape-up, bro, but WTF are you posing like that for?” Kendall Marshall and Peyton Siva may use the same barber, but Marshall got the majority of PG hype this year. Is it deserved? Probably, but he’s going to face another test. Marshall is known as a solid defender, so let’s see what our boy Marquis can do against him. It’s going to take smart, heady play to win this matchup. Cutting down on turnovers for the third straight game and finally hitting the open looks/not taking the bad looks will be crucial.
Tyler Zeller is a product of time travel. Poppa Zeller is from the future, where scientists have discovered a foolproof method of ensuring you have a 7 foot tall child. In hopes of producing a family of basketball greats who dominate the NCAA and NBA, Tyler’s dad travelled back to the 1980s, where he has since spawned Luke, Tyler, and Cody. Unfortunately, they have figured Luke proved to be a failed experiment, and Tyler’s pro career may go either way due to his marshmallowy-softness. But so long as he can play “Johnny B. Goode” on the guitar, I think he’ll be fine. Look for Tyler to utter this George McFly line after Davis swats his stuff – “What if they say I’m no good? I don’t think I can take that kind of rejection.”
Apparently he left his eye patch and sword at home, but Dexter Strickland looks like he’s the pirate on North Carolina’s team. Not only can he strike a solid gold pose, but he’s a menace on defense. If he gets more steals than a drunken Blackbeard, UK could be in trouble. No worries, Dexter is probably too busy cheesin’ like Chris Rock with that big grin to take this game seriously and be an offensive contributor…or, at least I hope.
Apparently, Pat Forde has been philandering in North Carolina! That’s expected, since he’s known to follow in Rick Pitino’s shadow as best he can. Didn’t know Forde had it in his genes, but he produced a 5-11 walk-on caliber illicit love-child named Patrick Crouch. Look for him to cheer from the sideline and get jealous when he watches Sam Malone get buckets when Kentucky is pulling away late in the game.
Yes, that is a 14-year old Kendall Marshall with Ol’ Roy. The most obvious choice is the infamous Roy Williams – Huckleberry Hound connection. We chose to go a different route, nabbing a picture of Mr. Burns that almost makes it seem like we’re comparing Roy to Sandusky, which we would never do (but some people have, which is sad).
Now, ON TO THE GAME! But first, can someone tell me what the hell is going on in this .gif?