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Game Faces: Louisville Cardinal Edition

By the time this message reaches you, I’ll be returning from my cousin’s wedding and fighting NYE traffic on the car ride back to Louisville from Pikeville.  Lexington just so happens to be a nice little pitstop on the way home from Coal Mine Country.  It’s here – gameday is upon us and nothing suits the event like a proper ‘game faces’ fitting for the opponent. Let’s do this…


The man himself – Ricky Three Stacks, the man without a conscious or stamina – steps back into Rupp Arena for what will hopefully be a reminder of ‘what could have been’.  If UK plays to their potential, the game shouldn’t be close. This Pacino comparison is a classic, and its been done many times (exhibit A, exhibit B, exhibit C, exhibit D).  Expect Pitino to have his boys ready for a premature run down the leg, only to have Kentucky abort their plan and run them out of the gym.


In many ways, Kyle Kuric isn’t too far off from William Shatner.  Technically, Kyle shares team captain duties with Siva and Smith – so let’s call him Captain Kuric.  Like Shatner, he started off as a surprise star.  Now, people are just wondering ‘what the eff happened to that guy?’ as he roams around the perimeter looking for open three balls.  Let’s hope today isn’t Capt.’s re-coming-out party a la Boston Legal.


Remember that time you were a young teenager and you were dying to know what Rey Mysterio, Jr. looked like under that damn mask?  After all those close calls of bad guys trying to rip it off, we now have the answer – he’s always been that pesky Peyton Siva.  Expect Siva to run around the court like a chicken with his head cut-off, do a weird Euro-step in traffic, then fall to the floor like someone hit him with a ‘People’s Elbow’.  After plenty of hype, Siva’s game (at least this year) looks about as real as pro wrestling.


Anthony Mackie has been a strong supporting actor in several solid flicks, such as Half Nelson, The Hurt Locker, and Million Dollar Baby.  Russ Smith has starred in features like NO, NO, NO, NO…YES! – The Story of the Contested Jumper.  Russ has provided UofL with an offensive spark early this season…which may or may not be their most depressing statistic.  Any team who relies on ill-advised jumpers as their go-to offense is in a heap of trouble when they face good defensive teams like UK.  He’s hit a lot of tough shots this year, but I expect him to fall off as Big East play rolls on.  Like Mackie, Russ just isn’t made for the leading role.


Angel Nunez probably won’t make it off Pitino’s bench, but at least he still has that meth-shipping thing going for him like Gus from Breaking Bad?  What’s that you say?  In Season 4, Gus gets his _____ ______ ___?!  OMG.


What do Tim Henderson and the amazing ‘White Mamba’, Brian Scalabrine have in common?  When they take a lady back to their place, the first thing the girl says is, “Does the carpet match the curtains?”


Everyone who has seen South Park remember’s the Starvin’ Marvin appearance.  In this photo, Rick appears a bit malnourished, but we all know that isn’t the case considering he lives his life ‘a qaurter-minute at a time’ inside Italian joints.  He looks about the size of Marvin in comparison to the the massive Gorgui Dieng.  This Senegalese big man is an interesting match-up for Anthony Davis, but I expect Davis to win out with superior offense.


Despite being injured, Mike Marra deserves a Game Faces mention.  If you took all the ugliness/goofiness that is Good Charlotte and put it in a blender, you’d then have Mike Marra and his brilliant tattoo collection and clueless expression.

Article written by Chris Thomas

13 Comments for Game Faces: Louisville Cardinal Edition

  1. Another Perspective
    9:07 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    Bring. It. On.

  2. You can't handle the Truth
    9:08 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    Lets Get It On

  3. nolablue
    9:21 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    Wow, Colonel Cryptkeeper has had quite a bit more nip and tuck since that photo, eh?
    He’s had his cheeks and most of his eyelids removed since then! Tales From The
    Chicken Bucket!

  4. CharDee MacDennis
    9:26 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    God I hate you sooooo much Louisville. I wish that you would contract a serious case of super aids and go away! I wish nothing. Nothing. Noothhinng but the worst for you and all of your cracka$$ fans in everything in life. Yes I used to love Ricky 3 Stacks, but he turned his back so that makes him a dirty snitch just like you. I will continue to share my hatred for you till my last breath on this planet. Wanna now the rest? Hey buy the rights…(dey-bow-bow…chick…chickachik-a)

  5. Cardsandcatsfan
    9:27 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    That’s “conscience” for those who completed the 6th grade.

  6. Cat Fan
    9:55 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    Love this!! Go Cats!!

  7. Alan
    10:16 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    NO, NO, NO, YES!….The Story of the Contested Jumper!……..Classic! Great post!

  8. Joe
    10:18 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    You got it all wrong. Marra looks like count chocula and gonzo. Siva looks like Herve Vellechaize. Pitino looks like Marty Feldman. The Dieng one is spot on though LOL.

  9. kingrex
    10:48 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    This feature needs to be discontinued

  10. Breaking Bad
    10:50 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    Come on man, Im only on season 3.

  11. Musehobo
    10:56 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    I think I’d axe the ethiopian thing…seems a bit racist…just sayin

  12. quickyricky
    11:54 am December 31, 2011 Permalink

    @4…Bringing it! Sweet.

  13. Marvin
    4:07 pm December 31, 2011 Permalink

    The Dieng comparison is in pretty poor taste if you ask me.