Ever look at the screen while watching a college basketball game and wonder to yourself, “What the heck is that idiot from Jersey Shore doing out there looking all pale and stuff? Oh wait, it’s just Steven Pearl.” Me too. Florida provides us with a star-studded lineup, and not because they are good at basketball. Let’s take a look at which Gators should enter into a look-a-like contest:
Vernon Macklin does a pretty good Al Horford impression, and that scares me. The form and overall success of his hook shot and touch around the rim are very reminiscent of the 2-time NCAA champion and current Atlanta Hawk.
Erving Walker is short and can shoot well. Gary Coleman(RIP) was short and could shoot his imaginary gun into the sky well. Both guys were good with their pointer fingers. Here’s looking at you, kid.
Scottie Wilbekin squared off against Shelby Valley and Elisha Justice last year in Florida, and I was lucky enough to be in attendance. Wilbekin got the win and looked like a solid, disciplined player. Nonetheless, he looks like Drake with a lot more recessive genes.
Erik Murphy shares a name and likeness with Eric Murphy/Kevin Connolly. Yes, as a scientific fact, both are soulless due to their gingerness. Condolences to both families.
Alex Tyus, as we all know by now, shaved off his hair in an attempt to hide his ridiculous hairline, making himself forever irrelevant. Let us commemorate his legacy by remembering the days of ‘The Predator’.
Kenny Boynton is a volume-shooter, also known as a black hole. After begging for the ball and clapping his hands over and over, someone will pass to him and then he will let it fly. Again. And again. And again. Look for him to go 1-12 on three point shots today [crosses fingers Kevin Bacon style].
Chandler Parsons may or may not be a woman. Recently, a twitter follower suggested that Parsons looks like a lesbian. I thought Chandler needed a bit more flannel to fit the bill. Blanche Devereaux, a fellow Florida resident, provided this comedy gold.