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Florida Will Rule the World in ’09 (Potentially)

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As seen on this here weblog, Mr. Tim Tebow will be returning to Florida next season to prolong his quest of making everyone, in every walk of life, feel inferior. In related news, FOX sequence-by-sequence-without-counting-the-downs guy Thom Brenneman was spotted weeping into a replica of Tim Tebow’s high school letterman’s jacket moments after learning the news.

In any event, Tebow will return to Gainesville as one of the most celebrated players in history, but the story doesn’t end there. If the Gators don’t get any early entries, they will return 19 of their 22 starters. That’s insane. They lose Louis Murphy and some linemen. Boo-hoo.

If both Percy Harvin and Brandon Spikes choose to return, however, we Cat fans will see the greatest college football team ever assembled roll through Lexington in their attempt at perfection. I’m sure some of our older readers are shouting at their Compaq Presarios, “Evan, you clinchpoop, do you not recall the Army squads of the ’40’s?!”

No, I don’t, and I don’t care how dominant Mr. Inside and Mr. Outside were. If Harvin and Spikes stay, 2009 in Gainesville will be absurd. No one will come close.

Article written by Evan Hilbert