Florida doesn’t receive the hate that Louisville, Indiana, or Duke does, and that’s probably for good reason. We can’t go around expending all the energy required to hate every team we come across. The Gators weren’t really good enough to hate, historically, and their coach is a Kentucky guy that everyone I know likes quite a bit. Even if he does have the biggest widow’s peak in history.
But while we don’t hate the team quite so much, there’s something about the Gators’ squad that always stands out: they have some of the most intolerable individual players on the planet. Like just the worst. To get ready for tonight’s game, I want to know: which Gator from the past five years did you hate the most?
Look at him. Just look at that smug face and try not to punch your screen. Parsons is the kind of guy we’d probably like if he was a Wildcat, but he’s not, and he looks like Marshall Mathers’ weird brother that doesn’t come out of his basement room except to eat and buy Creed casette tapes.
Nobody friggin’ likes Dan Werner. Not even Dan Werner likes Dan Werner. This Gator-watcher and Bleacher Report writer really hates Dan Werner. You know why? Cause he sucks. Strong favorite for this poll.
You know how sometimes you glance at yourself in the mirror, and it sort of ruins your whole day? I bet that happens to Joakim all the time. You know when you have to smile to look better than the World’s Ugliest Dog, you’re doing something wrong.
More than anybody else on this list, I want to see Nick Calathes cry at some point in my life. That’s on my bucket list right under “Release a dove from a ghetto rooftop.” He looks like that one friend you had growing up that you hung out with because he had cool stuff at his house, like a trampoline, and his mom kept asking you if you wanted to come over. And you felt bad, and you liked trampolines, so you said yeah. But then you got over there and you realized that it was just you and Nick, and trampolines are only fun for like, fifteen minutes. That’s Nick Calathes. That’s one reason I love Jodie Meeks so much:
So who you got? Feel free to send in a write-in vote, like maybe you couldn’t stand Alex Tyus’ ridiculous hair that was essentially the ant-Billy Donovan. Or it’s possible that you don’t know how Erving Walker could stick around so long and not hit a growth spurt. Whatever you want. One thing’s for sure, though: even if we don’t hate the Gators’ team like we hate other teams, we can certainly hate on their players. Cause that’s part of the game.