Five Stages of Grief for Kentucky Fans

Late last night in Atlanta’s Georgia Dome, the University of Louisville Cardinals took home their third national title in program history, something which caused quite a stir within the Commonwealth. While Louisville fans came out last night with guns blazin’ in celebration of this tremendous accomplishment, other fans around the state, particularly Kentucky fans, hunkered down in their homes awaiting the sun to rise.  Yes, many who support the Blue & White are depressed today, but as Tupac once eloquently stated in his song Life Goes On, “life goes on.”  While Mr. Shakur was correct in assuming that life does, in fact, go on, it doesn’t speed up the healing process after an arch-rival takes home a national title. Because of this, I put on my Psychologist hat and decided to help speed up the mourning process for Kentucky fans by using the famous fives stages of grief.

 

Denial (Not just a river in Africa)

“Surely this can’t be happening to me, right? I’m a good person, what have I done to deserve this? I mean sure, Louisville had a solid squad this year, but they couldn’t have been the best, could they?”

Unfortunately, yes, this is happening. I too couldn’t believe it at first, but after checking the score from multiple outlets I concluded that it had happened. From personal experience, accepting the outcome is the most difficult step in the grieving process, but doing so will ultimately help. Just like telling yourself that 90’s soft-drink, Surge, will be making a comeback, denying that Louisville won will not make it better.

 

Anger 

“Okay, I’ve moved on, I accept that Louisville won the title. But I don’t have to be happy about it! Sure, throwing that beer bottle across the room broke my prized 27” CRT television, but it made me feel better, damnit!”

The anger you’re feeling right now is a perfectly normal part of the grieving process.  I commend you for for accepting the outcome as it shows great maturity on your part (beer bottle aside). On an unrelated note, did you say prized CRT television? Seriously man, it’s 2013, get some HD in your life. Breaking that TV was a blessing in disguise.

 

Bargaining

“Okay, I’m over the denial and anger at this point, but man, I really don’t want the Louisville fan base to be happy. Have you seen the way they act and dress? I’ll literally give anything to have their title taken away. Well, except my bitchin’ Camaro, the ladies love it.”

Unfortunately, no amount of material goods given to any charity or person will take the title out of their hands. Personally, I contemplated giving up sports statistics just so I wouldn’t have to listen to their inevitable gloating for a year. Fortunately for my sanity, I decided against it, which will make me happier in the long-run.  Also, that Camaro isn’t making you any younger, man. What’s wrong with a sensible sedan that gets great gas mileage? I hate to break it to you, but the ladies don’t go wild for bitchin’ Camaros.

 

Depression

“So you’re telling me that women won’t be flocking to my Camaro? That’s depressing. But it’s an ’02 with the 5.7 liter LS-1, how do they not love that?!”

I haven’t the slightest clue as to why women don’t love your Camaro. I suppose it’s one of those scientific differences between the sexes. I mean who in their right mind isn’t enthralled with engine displacement?

 

Acceptance

“I guess I’ll have to accept that Louisville was the best team this year. I’ll even admit they won most of their games in pretty impressive fashion. I don’t have to like the fact they cut down the nets, but I’ll acknowledge and accept it. I guess I’ll have to accept that the Camaro isn’t making my hairline come back either.”

Good on you for accepting the inevitable. Sure, it sucks, but it’ll get better with time. Just think of the future! Those Harrison twins can flat out play! That Julius Randle is supposed to be really good as well! Heck, everyone in the class is special! I guess if you have to live in a present where Louisville is National Champion, you’ll just have to look ahead to the very bright future to make things better.