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Five Stages of Grief for Kentucky Fans

stages-of-grief

Late last night in Atlanta’s Georgia Dome, the University of Louisville Cardinals took home their third national title in program history, something which caused quite a stir within the Commonwealth. While Louisville fans came out last night with guns blazin’ in celebration of this tremendous accomplishment, other fans around the state, particularly Kentucky fans, hunkered down in their homes awaiting the sun to rise.  Yes, many who support the Blue & White are depressed today, but as Tupac once eloquently stated in his song Life Goes On, “life goes on.”  While Mr. Shakur was correct in assuming that life does, in fact, go on, it doesn’t speed up the healing process after an arch-rival takes home a national title. Because of this, I put on my Psychologist hat and decided to help speed up the mourning process for Kentucky fans by using the famous fives stages of grief.

 

Denial (Not just a river in Africa)

“Surely this can’t be happening to me, right? I’m a good person, what have I done to deserve this? I mean sure, Louisville had a solid squad this year, but they couldn’t have been the best, could they?”

Unfortunately, yes, this is happening. I too couldn’t believe it at first, but after checking the score from multiple outlets I concluded that it had happened. From personal experience, accepting the outcome is the most difficult step in the grieving process, but doing so will ultimately help. Just like telling yourself that 90’s soft-drink, Surge, will be making a comeback, denying that Louisville won will not make it better.

 

Anger 

“Okay, I’ve moved on, I accept that Louisville won the title. But I don’t have to be happy about it! Sure, throwing that beer bottle across the room broke my prized 27” CRT television, but it made me feel better, damnit!”

The anger you’re feeling right now is a perfectly normal part of the grieving process.  I commend you for for accepting the outcome as it shows great maturity on your part (beer bottle aside). On an unrelated note, did you say prized CRT television? Seriously man, it’s 2013, get some HD in your life. Breaking that TV was a blessing in disguise.

 

Bargaining

“Okay, I’m over the denial and anger at this point, but man, I really don’t want the Louisville fan base to be happy. Have you seen the way they act and dress? I’ll literally give anything to have their title taken away. Well, except my bitchin’ Camaro, the ladies love it.”

Unfortunately, no amount of material goods given to any charity or person will take the title out of their hands. Personally, I contemplated giving up sports statistics just so I wouldn’t have to listen to their inevitable gloating for a year. Fortunately for my sanity, I decided against it, which will make me happier in the long-run.  Also, that Camaro isn’t making you any younger, man. What’s wrong with a sensible sedan that gets great gas mileage? I hate to break it to you, but the ladies don’t go wild for bitchin’ Camaros.

 

Depression

“So you’re telling me that women won’t be flocking to my Camaro? That’s depressing. But it’s an ’02 with the 5.7 liter LS-1, how do they not love that?!”

I haven’t the slightest clue as to why women don’t love your Camaro. I suppose it’s one of those scientific differences between the sexes. I mean who in their right mind isn’t enthralled with engine displacement?

 

Acceptance

“I guess I’ll have to accept that Louisville was the best team this year. I’ll even admit they won most of their games in pretty impressive fashion. I don’t have to like the fact they cut down the nets, but I’ll acknowledge and accept it. I guess I’ll have to accept that the Camaro isn’t making my hairline come back either.”

Good on you for accepting the inevitable. Sure, it sucks, but it’ll get better with time. Just think of the future! Those Harrison twins can flat out play! That Julius Randle is supposed to be really good as well! Heck, everyone in the class is special! I guess if you have to live in a present where Louisville is National Champion, you’ll just have to look ahead to the very bright future to make things better.

 

Article written by Jonathan Schuette

32 Comments for Five Stages of Grief for Kentucky Fans



  1. barn
    8:40 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    you left out flatulence



  2. mudcreekmark
    8:41 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    I can honestly say that I sat here last night and enjoyed watching a really good game between two really good teams and could have cared less who ended up winning. Unbelievable shooting from the three, that was fun to watch. Behanan was a beast. He fought for the ball the way I only wished our players would have this year. A lot of heart shown by both teams, again, something I would have liked to have seen more of from our team this year.



  3. Catlanta
    8:41 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    I don’t think the majority of UK fans give a shiiiit that UL won. This site is trying their best to stir it up however



  4. matt
    8:47 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Lame…..truly. Why don’t we discuss any facet of UK athletics versus a juvenile attempt to jest about something no one in BBN cares about.



  5. Mashburnem'
    8:49 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    WCS, Wiltjer, Poythress, Harrison’s, Young, Lee, Dakari,Randle, possibly Wiggins. No grief is required.



  6. me
    9:03 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Who’s brilliant idea was this post? I’m sure this will go over well..



  7. Wildcatsteeler
    9:05 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    I’m still in depression. I live in Louisville so I’m gonna be stuck there for a long time.



  8. Maters
    9:05 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Pathetic. Maybe the worst ever. Just sayin.



  9. Curadhan
    9:09 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    #11, Im in Louisville still trapped in depression stage as well. We’ll make it brother! The Twins are coming, and theyll rue the day they dared win a championship on our watch!!!!



  10. UK true blue
    9:12 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    What about next year when the cards beat the cats again.. It’s a real possibility because louisville can replace everyone they are losing with talent.



  11. Deepblue
    9:15 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Which step is stopping blogging about it?



  12. claiborne_field
    9:21 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Here’s a thought- who the f cares.
    If U of L is little brother, treat the cards as such. The way some people are carrying on about this, you would think it mattered or something… Here’s a thought: BBN should exercise our capacity for apathy.



  13. Mr obvious
    9:24 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Hawkins is a cat! 8 new faces next year



  14. me
    9:26 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Deadspin article about Siva….



  15. hmmm
    9:29 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Jonathan “spontaneous” schuette… FANTASTIC Post!!! Well done my friend. You have a bright future ahead of you in journalism.



  16. Oogie
    9:36 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Lady Cards getting their asses handed to them by UConn. Not much consolation but at least the nightmare won’t be getting even worse.



  17. BlueRedNeck
    9:46 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Well, you need a convertible – women love my 1967 Camaro RS/SS convertible.



  18. no doubt
    9:49 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    You’d best believe those bird fans AND players are glad that our freshmen from last year’s team didn’t come back for a repeat. You know what would have happened. I know this doesn’t have anything to do with Schuette’s post. Just sayin’.



  19. bobbyblue
    10:00 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    You’ll never convince me that Louisville had the best team this year.



  20. Dear UK, we are national champions and you are no
    10:04 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    26, I probably can’t convince you that the earth revolves around the sun either.



  21. Bluekzu
    10:14 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Huh? Grief? It’s kind of ugh, I admit, but let’s not get carried away here. It’s now time to maybe say congratulations, if you’re so inclined, and talk about UK stuff. That’s what this site is about.



  22. good post
    10:30 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    Wow I thought this article was humorous. Keep it up Shuette, there are some of us out here that like reading different kinds of posts. It keeps things interesting. All of those UK fans who commented negative things must just still be in the angry stage. It’s because of those kinds of fans that we are called “red necks” and “unclassy”. #Getalife .



  23. ryan harrows flu bug
    10:56 pm April 9, 2013 Permalink

    The LS1 is 323 cubic inches. The LT1 was 350. 2002 was the LS1.



  24. Fbody Owner
    12:16 am April 10, 2013 Permalink

    23) The LS1 is 347.8 cu actually as is the LT1. If you would like to continue to talk about the 4th gen Fbody’s please continue so i can knock some facts into your head, no idea where the hell you got 323

    And for what its worth those types of cars still do work for you when youre 18 haha. My 01′ Trans Am WS6 has helped get me plentyyy of ladies on campus



  25. dave
    3:34 am April 10, 2013 Permalink

    GE THE F*CK OVER IT!!!

    Jesus H. Mo’Fc*kin’ Christ on a Popsicle.



  26. 25 is going to Hell
    6:22 am April 10, 2013 Permalink

    25 Jesus is not impressed.



  27. dave
    9:17 am April 10, 2013 Permalink

    then let him get off of his dead ass and tell me about it…until then he can kiss my ass



  28. dave
    9:23 am April 10, 2013 Permalink

    +++that was crafted+++

    Your superstitions do not intimidate me.



  29. theWilkman
    10:32 am April 10, 2013 Permalink

    The Tomlin bit only works when he does it. I suggest sticking to stats, this was painful to read.



  30. ColoradoCat
    12:11 pm April 10, 2013 Permalink

    Are you really depressed because Louisville won? Im not most of us care



  31. ColoradoCat
    12:11 pm April 10, 2013 Permalink

    *sure



  32. MIKE R
    1:58 pm April 10, 2013 Permalink

    PLEASE STOP WITH THE UL CRAP OR CHANGE YOUR NAME TO CARDS RADIO