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First Annual Sacrifice to Basketball Gods a Success

Don’t worry — no valuable Type O was wasted

Corey Nichols came by earlier and gave a good spanking to some trolling writer who I don’t care to look up.  However, he received false information about the blood-red fountain at Rupp.  There was a much more noble cause at hand than a Julia Roberts’ film in which she does her best Karen Sypher impersonation.

That cause was basketball.  Obviously.  This is Lexington.  Hello?  Anyone in there, McFly?!  To think otherwise would be nonsensical.  A few days ago, an important event for the future of Kentucky basketball happened — The first annual Sacrifice to the Basketball Gods turned Rupp’s fountain red.  For many years, this has been a topic discussed by the city council but ultimately vetoed for ‘moral reasons’, or something like that.

Crowds gathered near Rupp Arena’s entrance as cloaked city council members emerged carrying candles and cows, pigs, lambs, and several young infants kidnapped from Louisville in the middle of the night and swaddled in Cardinal-gear.  The original plan was to sacrifice some bluegrass virgins, but the effect of the slogan “Gettin’ Lucky in Kentucky” erased any chance of putting together a viable group.

A la Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard’s Cabin in the Woods,  the basketball gods require sacrifices in order make things all peachy here on earth, especially in Lexington.  Luckily, Adolph Rupp put in a good word with the basketball gods when he passed, and we’ve seen some good fortune.  However, we did hit a downturn for a short while.  But we are back, and hopefully back for good.

Because there is no way we can afford to let the glory days upon us pass, the sacrifice seemed like a good idea.  After winning the national championship, we are doing everything (within the rules) to ensure we win many more.  Here’s to #9!

Article written by Chris Thomas

10 Comments for First Annual Sacrifice to Basketball Gods a Success

  1. what
    5:14 pm May 18, 2012 Permalink


  2. me
    5:20 pm May 18, 2012 Permalink


  3. blah
    5:32 pm May 18, 2012 Permalink

    There has been numerous posts trying to spin this in a “positive” way, or make a metaphor out of the red water to be in uk’s benefit or UofL’s dismay. The only REACH you could realistically make is Lex showed their true fan colors, RED. STOP! Just stop, it’s stupid, move on. Bottom line someone messed up, and it made Lexington, uk, and the cats look dumb.

  4. ShakinMaHead
    5:56 pm May 18, 2012 Permalink

    Most idiotic post I have ever seen on KSR. And that is saying something.

  5. dave
    6:00 pm May 18, 2012 Permalink

    see you at zbar, bro

  6. isaac in san fran
    7:04 pm May 18, 2012 Permalink

    i’m not usually the oversensitive type, but sacrificing babies?? come on, man!!

  7. HenryEarl
    7:07 pm May 18, 2012 Permalink

    Liked the post Chris. I for one welcome our new Dark Basketball God Overlords.

    6 it said they were from Louisville. quit being a nancy

  8. Dane Brammage
    7:14 pm May 18, 2012 Permalink

    Reminds me of the bowl I flushed this a.m. at work before all the Stanis N’ Dians got there to OCCUPY the mens room.

  9. Wildcatfan79
    7:16 pm May 18, 2012 Permalink

    A couple days ago I read on here it was supposed to be pink for some breast cancer fundraiser. Just say you don’t know what happened. No one cares. Move on and get over it already!

  10. Cats #8
    8:32 am May 19, 2012 Permalink

    3 = loserville troll
    Beyond that…. Worst. Post. Ever.