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FAQ: The World Cup

What’s all this soccer going on right now?

This is the summer of the 2010 World Cup.

What’s the World Cup?

The World Cup is the globe’s premier international soccer tournament. This is the 19th FIFA World Cup.

Fee-fah? What’s that? You made that word up.

No, FIFA is an acronym for Fédération Internationale de Football Association.

Yeah, well, I know you made all those words up except “football.” How many teams are in this tournament?

Thirty-two teams qualified for the final tournament, which began on June 11 and ends on July 11. These teams are from around the world and include Slovakia, Uruguay, Japan, Mexico, Cameroon and more.

Yeah, I’ll be rooting for Narnia.

Narnia is a fictional place. It doesn’t exist.

Well, neither do “Cameroon” or “Uruguay.” I’ve never heard of those places.

I assure you they are real places.

So when does the United States play?

They played this last Saturday Against England.

Well, that shouldn’t have been hard.

Actually, England is very much a football nation.

Football?

Soccer.

Soccer?

Yes.

Wait, you said England is a football nation.

Yes, that’s right.

But the World Cup is about soccer.

Football is soccer.

No it’s not. So what does England play?

Football.

And what do we play?

Soccer.

England doesn’t play soccer?

Yes, but it’s football.

Not soccer.

Correct.

But America plays football and soccer.

Not the same football.

There are two footballs? What is soccer?

Football.

Three footballs?

No, there’s football, and fooball which is soccer.

So we played soccer and they played football, which is soccer. But we didn’t play football.

We played their football and our soccer. Not our football.

Two different games?

One game.

Two sports?

One sport.

But you said soccer and football.

They are the same sport.

No, they are not.

Yes, they are. England calls soccer “football,” so to them football is soccer.

Whatever. Who won?

Nobody.

I hate you.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin