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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

FAQ: The NBA Draft

What is the NBA Draft?

The NBA draft is an annual event in which thirty of the National Basketball Association teams may select, for their own teams, players who wish to join the league.

Do we know anyone eligible for the draft?

Yes. In fact, this year’s exiting University of Kentucky basketball players John Wall, DeMarcus Cousins, Eric Bledsoe, Patrick Patterson and Daniel Orton are among those entering the NBA Draft.

Oh my. I hope they don’t get picked. I don’t want them to go to war.

This is not a military draft. It’s for professional basketball.

Well that sounds like more fun. How is the draft order selected?

The order of the NBA draft is determined by the NBA Draft Lottery, in which ping pong balls are selected at random.

Yes, I know. I see the NBA Draft Lottery every night after the news.

No, this is different.

Which team is the powerball winner this year? Can my co-workers and I win? We give a dollar every Monday morning for the powerball lottery.

There is no powerball. This has nothing to do with state money-based lotteries.

Who won the lottery this year?

This year the first pick of the NBA Draft will go to the Washington Wizards.

Do you really think a mortal college basketball player can compete on a team like that?

They’re not actual wizards. You don’t know much about basketball, do you?

Not really. What is the order of this year’s draft?

This year’s top five in the draft order is as follows.
1.) Washington Wizards.
2.) Philadelphia 76ers
3.) New Jersey Nets
4.) Minnesota Timberwolves
5.) Sacramento Kings

I would think a wolf would be no match for a wizard. But a king might. A net is an inanimate object, and I don’t even know what a 76er is.

Duly noted.

What about trades?

Trades are allowed. For instance, one team may trade its pick to another team in return for other players or other picks.

What about cars? Can a team trade players or draft picks for cars? Or valuable memorabilia like stamps or exotic weaponry like swords or Civil War guns?

Mostly players.

I would like to enter the draft, please.

You can’t just enter the draft. You have to declare.

Okay. I am entering the draft!

Do you have an agent?

No, but everyone says I’m an excellent player at basketball.

You’re not good enough to play for the NBA.

I’m good enough to play for the Philadelphia 76ers.

Yeah, probably. Good luck, stupid.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin