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FAQ: Florida and the University of Florida

florida

What is Florida?

Florida is a state featuring the southernmost point of the continental U.S. It is located in the southeastern United States and was the 27th state to be admitted to the Union, in 1845.

Does Florida have a state flag?

Yes, it does. The Florida state flag features a Seminole woman spreading hibiscus leaves, and the words “The Great Seal of the State of Florida.”

I’ve seen a lot of seals, and that does sound like a great one.

Oh, it is.

I really like boiled peanuts. Are there places to get those in Florida, or should I bring my own when visiting?

Great question. You should have no difficulty procuring boiled peanuts at any time while in Florida.

I also enjoy taking small seashells and hot-gluing google-eyes onto them. I think that’s so cute. But often, my local Jo-Ann Fabrics store runs out of google-eyes. Will I be able to find google-eyes in Florida?

You’ll be very happy to know that in Florida, you can very readily purchase seashells with the google-eyes already glued onto them.

You have no idea what kind of time that’s going to save me. What time is the game on Saturday?

Kick off is at 7:00 pm at the Swamp.

Which swamp? That sounds dangerous, and kinda gross.

It’s a nickname for the football stadium there.

Oh, okay. Hey, is it true that Gatorade was invented at the University of Florida?

It is true, in fact. Before 1965, winning teams dumped a cooler of sorghum onto their coach. This would normally take about fifteen minutes, because sorghum is quite viscous.

Now, this weekends game…this is the Orange Bowl?

No, it’s just a regular season game. The Orange Bowl is in Miami. This game is in Gainesville, also known as “Hogtown.”

Because of their cheerleaders, right? High five!

No, because of a Seminole village once located near Hogtown Creek. The entire region is influenced by the Alachua people and was once home to the Potano, which was a Timucua chiefdom.

Bleep-bloop-beep-boop. That’s what you sound like right now, making up all those words.

I’m not making up these words. It’s native American history, and you’re being insensitive.

Did any famous people go to the University of Florida?

Florida’s most famous alumni are sportswriter Gregg Doyel and Beverly Hillbillies star Buddy Ebsen. There is a magnificent bronze statue of the two men hugging in the university’s main square.

What kind of name is Urban Meyer? That’s a ridiculous name, don’t you think?

Urban Meyer is a devout Catholic and is named after the Papal dynasty of Pope Urbans. Meyer himself is very close to sainthood, having performed two of the three Vatican-validated miracles needed to achieve that status. The first was his University of Utah victory over Pittsburgh in 2005’s Fiesta Bowl, and the second is that he can fly.

That’s very impressive. Will there be a hurricane while I am in Florida? I see hurricanes on the news all the time, and I do not want to be caught in one of those.

The chances of your getting caught in a hurricane are very slim during your visit, as Gainesville is in the northern, inland area of the State.

Is it true that Florida looks like a weiner?

Yes, that is true.

What if I would like to shoot off some fireworks while in Florida? Do I need to buy those in Georgia on my way?

You will have ample opportunity to purchase a host of impressive fireworks and firework packages in Florida, from popular choices like the Japanese “Happy Nice Spring Bird Parade” to more regional favorites like “The Chattahoochee Bat Mitzvah.” All are very affordable.

Well, I don’t see how I can pass up a trip to Florida. Do you guys get a lot of Georgians down there?

Yes, Florida sees many visitors from Georgia.

Oh. Forget it, then.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin