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Fake Lou Holtz’s Top Ten Calls

From Fake Lou Holtz

Shalutaions, men! In between my naps, pills, and ESHPN ranting, I’ve managed to figure out how to operate a computer to bring you a very speshial holiday gift. While you’re giving excepshional effort on that Chrishtmas turkey and egg nog, feasht your ears on my top ten calls to the Kentucky Shports Radio show.

10. 2/28/2011 – You know me besht for my pep talks and motivational shpeeches. In this call, with college football ending and another boring season of baseball on the horizon, Lou Holtz needed a pep talk, from himself.

9. 10/31/2011 – Here I welcome KSR’s new listeners on their Lexington affiliate, WLAP. Topics include a disappointing UK football season, and relating pep talks to fiber supplements.

8. 8/12/2011 – In this call with Matt Jones and Tony Vanetti, I was a bit frustrated in anticipitation of the coming football season. Fortunately the UK Legends bashketball exhibition game was coming up to keep me occupied.

7. 1/26/2011 – After feeling bad about pep talking UK into losing the 2011 BBVBVBAA Compass bowl, I called in to offer UK an apology, and to discuss the fotball team’s future.

6. 2/3/2011 – Today I called in from the baggage compartment of John Madden’s bus on the way to the Shuper Bowl. I also cracked Big EZ up by recapping college football signing day, and introducing KSR to Lou’s milk shake. I’ve still got recruiting power!

5. 3/29/2011 – During the NCAA tournament I was pleased to talk to Oscar Combs and Matt Jones about the Final Four injury report update. Irritable bowel syndrome is a very serious condition that should not be taken lightly, and for shome reason, it was affecting everybody. Even Charles Barkley!

4. 2/16/2011 – Valentine’s Day is a special time for me and my wife. Let your mind run wild with the double entendre, as I recap my epic win against my wife in the St. Valentine’s Day Bowl. Other topics include fiber, Shoney’s, and Notre Dame.

3. 9/16/2011 – This call was Classic Lou Holtzsh! Prior to the UK/UL football game, UL head coach Charlie Strong confused many people by making some comments about Kentucky, playing them up to be the second coming of the New England Patriots or some such nonsense. Thish is an old tactic that I taught him to motivate a football team, which I illushtrated with a pep talk for Notre Dame.

2. 2/10/2011 – We’re getting closer to the top, men! This call was a recap of the Shuper Bowl, featuring musical entertainment from shome of my favorite performers: Barbra Streisand (Lea Michele), Aretha Franklin (Christina Aguilera), and the Black Eyed Peas (fiber). Yes, beans are mushical entertainment at my age.

1. 1/17/2011 – My favorite call to-date was my live report from the 2011 BCS title game in Glendale, AZ. Oregon was playing Auburn, and somehow I didn’t get the memo that I was a week late to the shtadium.

Honorable Mention: 6-3-2011

Hopefully, some of you have heard the radio bumpers I recorded for the KSR show. Coach is proud to have been the first BCS#1 caller to bring these to the air. After ruining two shpit guards and a microphone, here was the live on-air result with Ryan Lemond and Shannon the Dude.

For an extra little shtocking shtuffer, here are some rather embarasshing out-takes from the same recording session.

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

10 Comments for Fake Lou Holtz’s Top Ten Calls

  1. BlueHaze
    10:08 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    W T H?

  2. Bildo
    10:11 am December 26, 2011 Permalink


  3. Hoss
    10:15 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    Fake Lou Holtz was first created by a Birmingham radio station (WJOX) by a sports DJ known as “rockstar.” The next year, Rick and Bubba picked up the act and that dude became the standard on their show. KSR’s fake Lou is merely riding coattails and is about 5 years too late.

    And you guys make an entire post about it WHILST a replay blares over the radio.

    Can’t make this shit up. It’s effing amateur hour here this morning.

  4. Drew Franklin
    10:41 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    3. — No one is asking you to listen to it.

  5. Bulldawg
    11:00 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    get em drew

  6. Conman
    11:17 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    3- atleast your full of holiday cheer….

  7. random hero
    11:46 am December 26, 2011 Permalink

    The Truth is the best.

  8. Not 4d
    1:52 pm December 26, 2011 Permalink

    3) Hoss- the fake lou holtz from Rick and bubba is better IMO. However the KSR version is great as well. I’d love for the two of them to be on a call together and have a Lou off! would be radio GOLD

  9. Nickster79
    3:03 pm December 26, 2011 Permalink

    3–sounds like someone’s got a case of the Mondays.

  10. Drew Franklin
    6:13 am December 27, 2011 Permalink

    Come on guy, having someone pretend to be someone else is KSR comedy genius …. not to mention extrememly lazy radio. Check ut Fake Barney too