Welcome freshmen! I trust you’re all settling nicely into the new school year. I’m Steven, the resident assistant (RA) for the fourth floor. I had a great time meeting several of you a few weeks ago during move-in, and enjoyed getting to know many more of you once all of your children went home with their grandparents and I could stop by to say hello with ticky-tack and Scotch tape for your Scarface posters. I think we’re in for a great year! I did, however, want to re-iterate some dorm rules you may remember from your residential handbook (or, for those of you earmarked by administration with limited literacy, your residential audio-handbook on CD/DVD), and give you a few “news and notes.”
-Please clean up the clippings from your beard trimmings instead of leaving them in the sink. Other people may need to trim their beards as well, and no one likes a dirty sink!
-I recently found an oversized baseball cap sporting an Old English “L” in the third floor stairwell. Very flat brim. Tags still attached. If this belongs to you, please stop by my room to claim it.
-We understand that social networking is a popular way to keep in touch with friends, but be mindful that other people might be waiting to take pictures of themselves in the restrooms too. Don’t be a “Mirror Hog!”
-Should you wish to bring female friends to your room for “intimacy,” please be courteous to your roommate. As university precedents have established, note that any closed-door visits exceeding fifteen seconds will be subject to write-up. You’re sharing that room!
-I’ve been informed that someone named “Deezy” should stop by the campus post office during business hours to sign for his case of AXE body spray.
-Remember to show school spirit! No shorts or pants should ever be worn at or above the waist.
-Please guys, it’s early in the semester and I’m already tired of picking up Jeremiah Weed cans. There are recycling stations located on every even-numbered floor.
-Be respectful of others — someone else might want to use that pole, not just YOUR Boo.
-Please take the time to read and learn the designated police evasion routes, posted inside every hallway door.
-This year, our dorm will be participating in the “Sleeves for Schools” program. Please leave any sleeves cut off of t-shirts in the box at the end of the first floor.
-DO NOT use hairbrushes which do not belong to you.
-Whoever keeps spilling shampoo down the wall of the shower needs to be more careful.
-Also, it’s been four weeks and still no one has signed up for the Book Club.
I look forward to a great year with all of you! If you have any questions/concerns, please feel free to stop by at any time. And just to get this out of the way; no, I do NOT have any rolling papers. Have a great semester!