Hey there, guys. How’s your week been? Celebratory? Stressful? Fulfilling? If you’re anything like me (celebrating the Blackhawks’ Stanley Cup victory, taking three kids to the zoo on a rainy day, and having your parents in town for five whole days), it was a weirdly exhausting mixture of all three. Tonight, I’m ready to sit on my couch and watch the NBA draft uninterrupted, and you know what? I think the occasion calls for a beer or two. It’s been awhile since we’ve done one of these, and I think y’all know the rules by now. The draft begins at 7 pm on ESPN. Ladies and gentlemen, fill your glasses.
Take a Drink If:
-Shabazz Muhammad wears hipster glasses
-You see someone’s mother crying
-Calipari is shown
-A draftee is sporting a new watch
-Every time a commentator talks about how weak this year’s draft is
-Kentucky’s draft record under Calipari is mentioned
-Everytime a commentator uses the words “motor,” “wingspan,” or “raw athleticism.” Chug if they use all three in reference to Archie Goodwin.
-David Stern gets booed
-Footage of Nerlens’ ACL tear is shown
Take a Shot If:
-Nerlens has a shocking hairstyle
– Nerlens wears the suit that you voted for
-ESPN plays the clip of DeMarcus Cousins describing Coach Cal with one word
-Commentators stumble on an international player’s name
-Actually, just take a shot anytime you see an international player. Gotta make them interesting somehow.
-Someone is wearing an all-white suit
-Roy Williams wears all his rings
-John Wall’s tattoos are discussed
-You see Kelly Olynyk and think for a second it’s Kyle Wiltjer
-A player’s suit doesn’t fit
-You see a New York Knicks fan screaming in a jersey with no shirt on underneath.
Chug Your Drink If:
-Nerlens Noel goes number one overall
-The Stanley Cup shows up
-Archie Goodwin goes first round
–Tom Crean cuts down a net when Victor Oladipo and/or Cody Zeller are drafted
-Players are climbing ladders for no reason