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Dolly Parton’s Thursday News and Views

Happy birthday, Dolly! (Parts of)You don’t look a day over 35!

To say I love Dolly Parton is an understatement; my affection for her is as exaggerated, tacky, and unabashed as the woman herself. Only someone as lovable as Dolly could get away with being that outrageous, nipped, tucked, stuffed, and in any other scenario, downright ridiculous. But that’s what we adore about her. Why? Because, in addition to being sassy as a sista from the south side, Dolly is incredibly self-deprecating, a trait that will forgive almost any flaw in my book. Dolly will be the first to admit that she looks “just like the girls next door, if you happen to live next door to an amusement park.” I often wonder what the inside of Dolly’s house must look like; in my mind, it’s a drag queen’s Graceland, with sequined walls, faux fur carpeting, and swags of lace streaming from the ceiling. And for some reason, it probably all smells like fake hair. My old college roommate and I are still planning a trip to Dollywood, which, judging by the way Dolly sells it in the commercials, must be the most fun place ever. Seriously, try not to smile during a Dollywood commercial…it’s impossible!

My Dad is a huge Dolly Parton fan. Growing up, my family would always give him a hard time for it because of Dolly’s, well, obvious attributes, and I always found that odd…not because my Dad may have liked her for those reasons (please), but that everyone felt so comfortable discussing those reasons when it comes to Dolly. In the buttoned-up bible belt stretch of central Kentucky, as I’m sure you all know, there isn’t a lot of talk about women’s assets in public, and definitely not around children. But with Dolly, it’s no holds barred. At church? Plenty of time to get in that joke about Dolly’s cans before the sermon starts. Waiting in line at Baskin Robbins? “I’ll have two scoops of vanilla…you, big scoops, like Dolly’s!” Everyone feels comfortable making jokes about Dolly’s boobs; it’s like they’re so big, they’ve become asexual. Maybe that’s why she keeps making them bigger…

The only thing more fantastic than Dolly’s exterior is her interior. I’m not a fan of country music (despite living in Music City), but Dolly’s “Jolene” is easily one of my favorite songs. Her performance in “Steel Magnolias” was severely underrated, and I’m proud to say I’ve seen “Straight Talk” enough times to quote lines by memory. This new movie she’s in with Queen Latifah? I have no idea what it’s about, but bet your bottom dollar it’ll be on my Netflix queue. It may sound odd, but I consider Dolly a role model; she’s a smart, confident, funny woman of many talents. Despite looking like the complete opposite, Dolly is one of the classiest acts in the business, and knowing her, she’ll have one heck of a 66th birthday. Cheers to you, Dolly.

With that out of my system, let’s move on to the news and views…

— The better part of Wednesday was spent reveling in the Cats’ blowout of Arkansas. Prior to the game, much of the fanbase was feeling a bit of malaise after so-so wins over South Carolina and Tennessee, but the Cats stormed back in style on Tuesday night. The squad shed its passive, error-prone coat and stretched their legs, clearly not bothered by Arkansas “40 minutes of mild humidity.” The performance was heartening for a number of reasons: the Cats handled the press with ease; players who needed confidence boosts stepped up and got them; and they didn’t let off the gas until the very end. Also encouraging is Kentucky’s 38-26 rebounding edge, an area in which they had struggled the past few games. The Cats played cleaning and efficiently, capitalizing on opportunities while minimizing turnovers; yes, the comfy confines of Rupp Arena helped, but it’s hard to find many faults in their win Tuesday night.

— Pick a player, give a compliment. Terrence Jones, Doron Lamb, Kyle Wiltjer and Darius Miller all showed renewed aggression against the Razorbacks, but, aside from Anthony Davis, it was Marquis Teague’s performance that impressed me the most. (Okay, that sentence alone should show you how stocked this team is…sheesh.) Teague looked as though he was taking Cal’s lessons to heart, focusing on creating plays for his teammates rather than himself. He finished with seven points, nine assists, two steals and three turnovers. Calipari called his performance “unbelievable,” praising Teague’s patience, control, and defensive presence. I expect a few more growing pains along the way, but Tuesday night was a big step forward in Teague’s progression.

— In the aftermath of his record-breaking game against Arkansas, the sports world couldn’t get enough of Anthony Davis on Wednesday. The guys on “Around the Horn” debated whether or not Davis could be a NBA franchise player, with Michael Wilbon arguing that Davis will have the same impact on the NBA that David Robinson did coming out of college. Davis’ dominance as of late has drawn comparisons to Marcus Camby, another Calipari pupil, and Chad Ford of ESPN predicted Davis could end up being better than the current Portland Trailblazer once in the league. Davis is invaluable to this team, making plays and cleaning up errors on both sides of the court. Cherish every minute he’s in blue, because it won’t last long.

— Well, Kevin Stallings must be sad, because Taco Bell is sold out of Beefy Crunch Burritos. On Wednesday, Vandy’s head coach whined to the media because Kentucky doesn’t have a Thursday-Saturday combo in SEC play and Vanderbilt does. Stallings complaining about this when his team doesn’t play Kentucky for almost another month marks another victory in his campaign to be the whiniest coach in college basketball history. Watch out Coach K, you’ve got competition.

— Remember Devonta Pollard, the number two small forward in the 2012 class? Today, his AAU coach told Adam Zagoria that Pollard was arranging visits to Texas and Kentucky, with his trip to Austin coming up this weekend. Pollard, who is also considering Mississippi State, Alabama, Marquette and Georgetown, says the Cats have contacted him “several times this month,” but that his recruitment was still “wide open.” Like other late signees in his class Shabazz Muhammad, Anthony Bennett and Amile Jefferson, he plans to sign in the spring after basketball season is over.

— After charming the media with wins over Kentucky and Ohio State, Indiana got another cold, hard slap of reality with its third loss in a row on Wednesday night. The Hoosiers lost to the mighty Cornhuskers of Nebraska, 70-69.

— Meanwhile, darling Murray State remained undefeated, with a 66-60 victory over Morehead State. Morehead put up a fight, but came a bit short, leaving the Racers’ 19-0 record unblemished. Keep it up, boys; I’m planning on making the one mile drive to watch Murray State play in the OVC Tournament in March and I like perfection.

— If sports writer Jeff Pearlman didn’t know the power of the Big Blue Nation, he does now. On Wednesday, Pearlman tweeted “I would rather my child not attend college than play for someone like John Calipari.” As you can imagine, an angry Big Blue backlash ensued, and whereas most would cower in the corner, little Jeff struck back, spending a good part of the day responding to UK fans’ tweets before changing the subject to Mitt Romney’s tax returns. That’s an odd use of time for a man who turned down Matt’s request to come on the radio to talk about it because it was “just a stinkin’ tweet.” Lesson learned?

That’s all for now. We’ll be back before you know it to talk all Cats everything. Matt and company hit the ‘waves at 10 a.m. Maybe they’ll play this classic Dolly tune…

Article written by Mrs. Tyler Thompson

No, I will not make you a sandwich, but you can follow me on Twitter @MrsTylerKSR or email me.

48 Comments for Dolly Parton’s Thursday News and Views

  1. DaTroof
    11:17 pm January 18, 2012 Permalink

    Pearlman is a testament to how little is required to become a media-type these days. Just get a twitter acct, write some off the wall crap to get attention, stir the pot occasionally, and pretend to be guided by principles.

  2. mocha
    11:17 pm January 18, 2012 Permalink

    Bummed pearlman didn’t come on radio, give him some credit for replying to the sensical fans.

  3. Ciggy
    11:22 pm January 18, 2012 Permalink

    i love me some dolly parton.

  4. ColoradoCat
    11:27 pm January 18, 2012 Permalink

  5. chiddercheddar
    11:44 pm January 18, 2012 Permalink

    The only thing worse than Dolly Parton’s acting is Dolly Parton’s singing. Giant boobs >>> talent.

  6. Old Number
    11:47 pm January 18, 2012 Permalink

    Who the hell is Jeff Pearlman? Who cares what he says? @cr8zeee777888 supports Cal- I take their opinion to be as authoritative as Mr. Pearlman’s.

  7. STEVE!
    11:53 pm January 18, 2012 Permalink

    I’m not a fan of country music either, but I’ve always enjoyed Dolly’s Greatest Hits.

  8. Stanley Roberts
    11:53 pm January 18, 2012 Permalink

    Someone post a picture of Dolly’s cans.

  9. Wendall
    11:54 pm January 18, 2012 Permalink

    I’m not sure that unleashing BBN on Pearlman and the like serves us well.

  10. BigTylerFan
    12:03 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Ok Tyler, were Dolly’s real?
    Marilyn Monroe had implants.
    Dolly’s plastic surgeon got rich off this one patient, a lifetime of salvage work!!

  11. Olde Blew Hare
    12:28 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Ms Tyler:We saw Dolly from the front row at an outdoor concert in South Central Ky over 40 years ago. She autographed a glossy 8×10 for me. After the pic disappeared, my wife admitted burning it. She said she did it on account of what I was thinking when I looked at it. Do you think I should divorce her?

  12. WhatSheOrder?FishFilet?
    12:31 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    I’ve been really impressed with Teague’s defense this whole year, but especially lately. He’s so quick that he can stay in front of most opposing PGs rather easily. The last few games he hasn’t committed any of the cheap fouls that he picked up early in the year.


  13. dollypartonsportsradio
    12:51 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    ( . ) ( . )

    1:38 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Oh yea Stallings? At least you don’t have the Saturday-Tuesday combo like we do!

    What’s he complaining about again? He still gets Saturday till Thursday off – what’s the problem? Is it because we play Wednesday every now and then? Seriously, from his perspective what difference does it make?

  15. TylerBlue
    1:42 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    13). Very funny!!!

  16. GoCats2
    5:30 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Dammit. I was hoping for GoCats2 News and Views. Its my birthday!

  17. allen
    5:42 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Good job writing about Dolly, given that Wikipedia was shut down for the day

  18. tdogg4033011
    5:53 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    16) Happy Birthday to ya !!!

  19. cconhhi
    6:36 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Unless Pearlman has a 5 star recruit as a son, he doesn’t have to worry about it.

  20. LexDoc
    7:06 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    I think Pearlman was trying to get recognition when his stock as a writer is low. Look at Lady Gaga, she was an artist for a while but no one would give her the time of day. Now she acts out and is popular. Pearlman knows that BBN is one of the largest fan bases and was trying to get himself in the spotlight by “attacking” us.

    Go Cats.

  21. Me
    7:19 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Easy fix for those like pearlman that slam UK and Cal. Start talking trash about the ncaa and their media partners, who are all making money off colleges and college kids. Cal is playing the cards (sorry for that word) he was given. Cal didn’t change any rules – the nba did.

    Like most of us, Cal has no idea who pearlman is AND probably doesn’t give a sh!t what he thinks. My guess is pearlman isn’t going to start cranking out 5* children from his loins, so let’s all get back to our pre-pearlman days.

  22. VII
    7:27 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Hey Kevin… hush. UK has to play a bunch of games in late March and early April while your on the golf course.

  23. SexnNursinHomes
    7:32 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Dolly Parton has some big old floppy tits. Love to see those things, even if they are scrunched up into some bra from the 1960’s.

  24. Stan
    7:51 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Off subject a little, but when is Matt going to address why UK doesn’t implement a no response policy to all athelets speaking to that d…head Jerry Tipturd? There are many of us on here that have asked the question, but not got a answer. Uk has plenty of ammo to do this,all Tipturd wants is to cause problems and everyone knows it. I want a way to put pressure on the bas…d. If no player, coach or anyone else would talk to him,or answer his question’s, maybe he would just fade away like a popcorn fart. COME ON MATT, AT LEAST ADDRESS THIS AND GIVE US A ANWSER.

  25. That's Live Action!
    7:59 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Who’s Jeff Pearlman and why would anyone even give this guy all this attention? That’s what he’s wanting.

  26. Harummpph
    8:03 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    I must admit I am a fan of Murray State…..I wish they were the “Mustangs” instead of the “Racers”…..what the heck is a “Racer”…is it the rider, the horse, or a cheap, no good cartoon that spawned a really bad movie?

  27. Al's IndiCats
    8:14 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Pearlman made that statement probably he was going to lose his job, and if he said anything about UK or Cal he would get thousands of hits and tweets. Folks they (sports writers) are playing us, plain and simple. Whenever their career starts to tank they all know all they have to do is say something derogitory about the CATS and then they’re relevent again. Pretty sad I admit, but on the same token it’s kinda smart of them also.

    Stallings! What can you say about him that hasn’t been said already. Hell between him and Rick Stansbury Kleenex shouyld name a tissue after them. Last year Stansbury was crying about Kanter becoming eligable, and this year Stallings whinning about the Thursday and Saturday game. Both would probably bitch and whine if they played all their games at home, but had to play a top 20 schools in those caverns they call a basketball court. To me they sound like a guy who goes to buy their first car from a shady car lot. Without checking it out, they sign on the dotted line, drive it off the lot only to have it break down a mile from the lot. They saw the schedule….agreed to it…..NOW bitch about it.

    I guess naming a tissue would be out of the question because could you imagine the size of that box could be if it had to be stuffed with beach towels?

  28. samismammy
    8:15 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Number 13 stuffed into a Wonder Bra:


  29. TylerBlue
    8:21 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Dolly cannot be just 66.

  30. fb>bb
    8:21 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Does the new found Devonta Pollard interest mean we may be losing Shabazz?

  31. TylerBlue
    8:24 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    28). Very funny

  32. dion_james
    8:26 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    For what it’s worth, Wilbon and Kornheiser are on Pardon the Interruption. Matt Jones’ boyfriend Tony Reali is the host of Around the Horn.

  33. Hoss
    8:38 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    OK, I’m listening to Bob and Tom show. Tim Wilson is on and Donnie Baker called in. TIm Wilson then said, “If Donnie Baker listens to this show, I met a guy i Lexington, Ky that walked up to me and did a spot-on Donnie Baker. He gave me his phone number for you to call him.”

    First thought in my head?

    The Professor.

  34. Hoss
    8:44 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    23- boob job, dude. EVERYBODY knows that. It’s like the oldest boob job on the planet, but they are fake, nonetheless.

  35. Dumbledore
    8:47 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Matt and his rabble-rousers guarding their yard yesterday.

    Twitter blows.

  36. Matt Jones' conscience
    8:54 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Matt, did you really post a personal picture of someone trying to call someone out and embarass them on a website that gets tons of hits a day all across the country? Then once you realized you had crossed the line go into the comments section and try to suck up to that person (“…I’m sure he’s much cooler than me… do you really have a mustache bro? props I’d never have the balls…”) and then take that same post down in the middle of the night without acknowledging what you did was inappropriate? If that’s not the definition of an internet bully and a coward then I don’t know what is. #shameless

  37. James K
    8:58 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Some of you are knocking (no pun intended, but that is pretty good) Dolly Parton’s songwriting ability, and you would be wrong to do so. Whatever you think about her plastic surgery decisions, Dolly is considered a legendary songwriter. She had chops, and she was pretty freaking good looking, too. That makes a huge difference. She’s one of the few that are very good looking and actually talented as well.

    And seriously, if you haven’t watched “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas”, you should. It’s still hilarious.

  38. Indiana Hoosiers
    9:04 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    We’re back!!! Wait, what, not quite?? Lost three in a row? We still suck? Just got lucky at home a couple of times? DAMN!!! And the funniest part was Nebraska storming the court on THEM!!!

  39. Tc11
    9:22 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    1. It’s called pti. How do you not know that?

    2. Lol at Matt. Nice post delete. 13 year old girl

  40. Al's IndiCats
    9:31 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    I remember Dolly when she appeared on Porter Wagoner show back in the 60s. Even though I was never a country music fan she was always a beauty in my book. BTW she had them even then!

  41. Carl
    9:37 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Best line from Pinky and the Brain when Billy Bo Bob Brain told Dolly: “Nature has been inordinately kind to you.”

  42. SexnNursinHomes
    9:45 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    34- ha! those 1980 boob jobs.. gotta love’em.

  43. Bluecalizone
    10:02 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    I’ll go along with the assertin that Dolly’s acting falls well short of her other atributes, but to fault her voice is a outrage. The lady has a universally great voice that has clipped many musical genres. A wondersingful singer/songwriter indeed. Not to mention those jugs baby.

  44. Loosier
    10:07 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    36 – uh that post is still up on my computer so I don’t know where you’re getting that Matt took the post down in the middle of the night. If you don’t like what you read on this site, go to another one. This is Matt’s site, he can say what he wants and make fun of whomever he chooses. #suckit

  45. john4uk
    10:46 am January 19, 2012 Permalink

    Dolly Parton,a real freak of nature.Five foot tall,three foot boobs,and two foot hair,and looking twenty at sixty-six.And can really sing.

  46. Matt Jones' conscience
    1:25 pm January 19, 2012 Permalink

    44- ah the old “if you don’t like it you can leave and it makes everything okay” argument. you’re clearly the beneficiary of a pretty high quality education there # 44. I’ll be sure to heed your advice in the future.

  47. tyrus
    4:12 pm January 19, 2012 Permalink

    As Johnny Carson back in the days once said to Dolly, “I’d give a years worth of salary just to see them.”

  48. minton
    12:25 pm January 20, 2012 Permalink