South Carolina SGA Resolution signees: Ebbie Yazdani, Meredith Ross, Alex Strosman
Earlier this week, the University of South Carolina student senate sent the following letter to the UK student government and the Kentucky Kernel:
The Kernel and the UK SGA declined to respond so I took it upon myself to speak on behalf of Big Blue Nation.
The following letter was sent to the University of South Carolina Student Government and The Daily Gamecock.
Dear University of South Carolina SGA,
I am writing in response to your student government resolution regarding University of Kentucky athletics. As an elected student official of the University of South Carolina, I’m sure most of your time over the past few years has been spent on the campaign trail giving speeches and distributing campaign promotional items (i.e. ‘Cock pencils, ‘Cock buttons, and ‘Cock suckers.) It’s understandable that this may prohibit you from ordinary college activities like fighting, drinking beer, having friends, and, especially in your case, watching sports. Unfortunately, attending USC games as first chair oboe doesn’t qualify you as a sports analyst.
I realize this isn’t the platform for debating athletic superiority and I’m certainly not here to get in a pissing match, (I’m looking at you, Meredith), but I will say that it’s laughable for South Carolina to call out one of, if not, the greatest basketball programs in NCAA history. Our trophy case is full of national titles, SEC championships, and All-American trophies. Yours has 2 NIT championships, a couple of platinum Hootie & the Blowfish plaques, and a whole bunch of empty space for Renaldo Balkman’s Digital Underground memorabilia. Seeing this overconfidence and trash talking leads me to believe that Michael Phelps isn’t the only one getting high in Columbia.
In your defense, your basketball team beat us two weeks ago. Congratulations. You took advantage of the best team in the nation on their off night. It’s like the chubby, cross-eyed kid at the party preying on the vulnerable, tequila-drunk girl that everyone wants a piece of. You know the one; she’s the freshman sweetheart that took out a fifth of Jose after an emotional phone call and gave it up for the first time to the first one in line. We were that girl. We had just gotten off the phone with Obama, drank too much of the proverbial #1 poison, and there you were. And, like that young girl, we woke up the next morning wondering what the hell happened last night and what people will say. Just know that we’re only one mistake away from perfection but you are and will always be the chubby, cross-eyed kid bragging about “that one time.”
So keep printing your “Number One is Done” Gamecock tees because that’s exactly what it was… a game cock tease to the USC basketball program.
As far as the invitation to play “any sport, anywhere, anytime” goes, I’m sorry but we respectfully decline. We have an NCAA Tournament to focus on and we’ve given you enough TV ratings and revenue for one year. If you want a basketball rematch worth playing, I suggest you contact Wofford College. You remember them, right?