The Miami Herald’s loss was my personal gain this weekend as Miami Heat butt-boy (and my least favorite sports personality) Dan LeBatard announced that his much anticipated year-long leave of absence has begun. According to LeBatard, he’s taking the break to go to “China, Spain and Adulthood”. My opinion is that he’s just so far up Pat Riley and Dwyane Wade’s tail that he feels like he has to pack it in when the team isn’t good anymore – just like they did – or else they won’t think he’s 100% committed to the cause. His passionate loyalty is very cult-like and admirable in a sick way.
Ok, so maybe my beef might be because I’m just a bitter Mavs fan, but I can’t help it. I’m not a big LeBatard fan. Still, though, I’ll have to suffer through a LeBatard-less remainder of ’08 and spring of 2009 just like you. The good news is that we at least have all of the controversial memories that LeBatard has given us over the past few years of being South Florida’s biggest blow-hard. Here are three of my favorites and a video I found on YouTube that I’m not sure hot to explain exactly:
“I hate gay people” – Tim Hardaway puts LeBatard in one of those hats with the flaps and goggles and puts him the sidecar of his motorcycle for a ride down Career Destruction Blvd.
“Hold on there, Trick” – LeBatard gets all professional and brings on renowned sociologist, Trick Daddy, to ask about the Michael Vick situation. Mr. Daddy then blames white people for killing Johnnie Cochran with a brain tumor. Very sneaky, white people.
“Let’s be displeasureable, Jay” – Bilas v. LeBatard in a battle of wits is a lot like David v. Goliath. Oh, wait. That’s probably not a good analogy. Well, anyway, LeBatard was severely overmatched when he tried to play the race card on Bilas.
Best of luck in the next 12 months, Danny boy. You’ll be missed…..by someone. Probably.
****This just in….Jason Whitlock also taking a leave of absence due to mental exhaustion! Is the internet finally beating “real” journalists into the ground by wearing them out with our “40 Minutes of Hell” pressing style? And if so, are we all about to look like this in the near future? Discuss.