The last time we saw the Fighting Rubix Cubes of Cornell, they were getting dunked on by Wall & Co. in what would be Kentucky’s final win of the season. The blowout, which was hardly a surprise, ended Cornell’s cinderella story and the illustrious basketball careers of Jeff Foote, Ryan Wittman, and Louis Dale. But, as we heard all week leading up to that Sweet Sixteen matchup, Cornell kids are super smart and better than you and will be successful in all aspects of life, like flying planes and helping old ladies cross the street and coaching Little League baseball and curing cancer and doing those Cracker Barrel golf tee puzzles in like 10 seconds and building hot tub time machines and stuff.
So, today, as Kentucky’s stars await the NBA Draft to determine their futures, I checked in on what those kid geniuses from Cornell are up to and the results are quite shocking. Rather than performing heart surgery, preserving our nation’s natural resources, ending world hunger, and protesting the clubbing of baby seals in Namibia, the Big Red seniors are dancing. And not just any dancing, they are attempting to perform Beyonce’s six dance steps from the “Single Ladies” video, known as “the hip shake, the pump walk, the put a ring on it, the wind down, the spank it and the pussycat crouch.”