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Kentucky Sports Radio

University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

CONFIDENTIAL

Dear readers, seeing as we here at KSR Sports Radio of Kentucky pride ourselves in bringing you the utmost in efficient Kentucky Sports (and radio) information, we leave no stone unturned to deliver the goods. It is with this swollen chest that I bring to you today a private memorandum written by none other than Garfield Wigson himself, the producer of tomorrow night’s to-be-illustrious University of Kentucky Big Midnight Blue Madness (UKBMBM). You may know of Wigson’s work, as he has previously served as producer for the International Vacuum Cleaner Convention (Northeastern Region) Awards and operated the production board for the defunct (but critically acclaimed) situation comedy Small Wonder. This memo was intercepted with haste by a mole cleverly disguised as a synthetically-leaved ficus tree from Garden Ridge, and contains many vital pieces of information on Friday evening’s festivities. You will find this elusive communique, and all the necessary information therein, reproduced below. That is all.

MEMO

FROM: Garfield Wigson, Producer
TO: Staff
RE: UKBMAMSMBM

Staff,

Just so we’re all on the same page tomorrow night, I’d like to go over the order of events for tomorrow night’s MBMBB. Please see that you are all in your appropriate stations and are covering your responsibilities as needed.

8:58 – House lights down

9:00 – Welcome message and banter, video relay transfer via satellite with former coach Joe B. Hall and 1986 Emmy nominee Ed Begley Jr.

9:10 – Musical video montage — “Cruel Summer” by Bananarama.

9:14 – Coach Smith welcomes the fans. (wardrobe: have we secured a spinning bowtie yet?)

9:25 – Lukasz Obrzut and Joe Crawford emerge from trap door under the court dressed as koala bear and witch.

9:47 – Slam Dunk musical video montage — “Love theme from Ice Castles”

9:50 – Ramel Bradley, Sheray Thomas and Bobby Perry swordfight.

10:10 – Coach Smith introduces coaching staff, who are all dressed as birds indigenous to Kentucky.

10:20 – Coach Smith solo hip-hop dance to tune of “Wipeout” by the Fat Boys.

10:25 – Effigy burning of Kiki Vandeweghe.

10:45 – “Balltastic! The Lil’ Ballers of North Whitesburg” basketball dribbling display.

11:15 – Introduction of players (cue inflatable palm trees)

11:35 – Moment of silence/reflection/prayer period.

12:00 – Practice begins.

NOTE: if program runs short, fill time with video clips from Small Wonder (these are available on my portfolio reel).

Let’s make it the best UKBMEMBMBM yet!

-GarWig.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin