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Coach Cal and the Art of Hyperbole

Coach of the worst team in the country?

I love Coach Cal, but some of the stuff he says to motivate this team is just silly. At halftime, Coach Cal told Shannon Spake of ESPN that the Cats looked like the worst offensive team in the country. Bear in mind that this was said after he watched a team go 8-27 from the field, 0-7 from the three point line and get blocked ten times. That team was St. Johns. So if UK was the worst offensive team in the country after that first half, the Johnnies had to be a close second, right?

Cal is notorious for his coachspeak. Earlier in the season he said that there were 100 different teams that could beat UK. It’s all a concerted effort by Cal to keep his players from pooping ice cream and they’ve caught on quick. When asked what he would rank the team on a scale of 1-10, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist gave the squad a four. Bear in mind, this was asked of Gillie the day after the Cats had achieved the number one ranking.

The best part of Cal’s criticisms is that they’re done from a place of love. Like a proud parent, Cal will jump to the defense of his team and players if anyone else questions their play. He is quick to diffuse the praise, though. Let’s take a look at how Coach Cal might handle some questions from the media leading up to the North Carolina game.

On Darius Miller’s dunk:

“It was a great dunk. I know Matt Jones over there at KSR was saying it was the best dunk in Rupp since who knows when, but I’m out here before the games seeing Jarrod Polson get up and thrown down that same dunk five, six times in a row. Jarrod Polson is 6-2. Darius Miller is 6-8. So was it a good dunk? Yes, but if Jarrod wasn’t out with a back injury would we be talking about Darius now? No probably not.”

On Marquis Teague’s four turnovers through the last three games:

“He’s been playing better. He’s young. He’s learning. When you turn the ball over almost 20 times in the first four games it’s hard to play any worse. Marquis Teague will get better, but it’ll take time. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Marquis go out there against North Carolina and turn it over 75 times. He’s a young player and he’s learning. And guys, let’s not forget that he’s missed more layups than I’ve ever seen a player miss. Right now, Marquis Teague is the worst layup shooter in the country, but he’s young. He’s learning. Remember: he’s young and learning.”

On Terrence Jon-

“Now let me talk about Michael Kidd-Gilchrist. He goes out, gets three turnovers and two quick fouls, I yank him, he comes back in the second half and commits two more dumb fouls. I pulled him aside and said that if there’s someone playing worse than him in the universe, I’d be eager to meet them. I pointed out a girl that must have been seven or eight sitting with her family in section 34 and said to him, ‘If the NCAA wouldn’t be all over my ass for it, I’d put her in the game right now’. He’s a young player and he’s learning, though. What was your question again?”

On the struggles of Michael Kidd-Gilchrist:

“What struggles? Michael is one of the best young men that I’ve had the pleasure of coaching. We needed a spark in the second half and Michael went out and provided that. Our offense was the worst in the country during the first half, but Michael scores five quick points to start the second and really key this team. No struggles. I was very pleased with Michael. We lose this game without Michael Kidd-Gilchrist.”

Article written by Matthew Hays

23 Comments for Coach Cal and the Art of Hyperbole

  1. Tosis
    6:07 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    There are going to be a lot of people who think this is real.

  2. Rupp's Runt
    6:10 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    Coach Cal is speaking the truth. He has about 8 NBA players on his roster and only beat ODU by 10 and struggled in many other games thus far. If he can get this team to click, they could possibly be better than the 96 Cats.

  3. LOL
    6:16 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    I love coach cal he is so awesome lol

  4. Outhouse Lightning
    6:20 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    Coach Robic is catching the icecream.

  5. wilDCat
    6:22 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    1 – Yes that’s probably true. Either way it was hilarious and eerily similar to the real thing

  6. Han
    6:27 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    1) Yeah, I skipped over/didn’t process the “might handle” line and thought it was real.

  7. Calipari'sInYourEar
    6:37 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    Hey Matthew Hays… satire is fine.

    If it’s funny.

    Please don’t use quote marks with your work until it get a bit funnier. Thanks

  8. president
    7:03 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    @7. dick

  9. How does it feel?
    7:03 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    How does it feel to be confidently awaiting a game with North C?
    How did it feel before Coach Cal got here?
    How does it feel not to be tortured by Coach speak?
    It feels like KENTUCKY to be good and not just talk.

  10. BTI for president
    7:04 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    Hey, you know what would be great? Another fake article! Screw news, let’s fail at humor.

  11. ???
    7:10 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    Little old at this point


    7:23 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    I giggled. Very believable quotes if you know Cal.

  13. jkwoftw
    8:44 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    LMAO @ “a concerted effort to keep his players from pooping ice cream”

  14. jkwoftw
    8:46 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    The two sides of the MKG thing had me in stitches, too.

  15. 2KATS
    8:46 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    looks like some people missed the message about bashing the ksr writers…

  16. Calipari'sInYourEar
    9:22 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    #8 – president – I believe the person who calls others names is not only without intelligence, they are without ground to stand.

  17. UK4Life
    10:04 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    LOL Jarrod Polson will never have a dunk like that DURING a game. Big difference in practice vs gametime. Speaking of practice…imagine the dunks MKG, Miller, Jones throw up

  18. johnleeragweed
    10:13 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    witty. i like it.

  19. bleedsblueinbama
    11:18 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    I love coach Cal but I have to say I am very upset with Miller coming off the bench. He has earned the right to start!! No doubt!!

  20. Ag.Wildcat
    11:57 pm December 2, 2011 Permalink

    Lots of fake news running amok on this site. It is funny…It is REALLY funny…but I wish we could have some of the insightful write-ups of yesteryear that M. Jones shelled out.

    I laughed so hard about the quote on the little girl…but I just want every writer to find their own calling…I feel like we are getting Drew Franklin (who is killing it with great reporting and awesome one-liners) and a bunch of people trying to be C. M. Tomlin.

    Ty Thompson is actually the one (w/ Drew) carrying the site at this point.

  21. DJ
    9:56 am December 3, 2011 Permalink

    I thought it was real after the first read. Him talking about Darius’dunk was believable. Then I caught on. Great post!

  22. DJ
    9:57 am December 3, 2011 Permalink

    @21, the first quote is what I meant.

  23. Big Jimmy
    11:01 am December 3, 2011 Permalink

    Too funny