On Wednesday, November 21, the Clear Channel Radio computer system was breached by a group of Muslim extremists with intentions of expunging the system’s podcasts, blog sites and live streaming capabilities from within. When the attack occurred, they made this message appear on the Clear Channel sites (for real):
The message was soon thereafter cleansed from Clear Channel sites, but the problems to some of the functions of the site, specifically the podcasts sections, remain. Clear Channel’s anti-virus software — I believe it’s Norton’s (the free trial version) — traced the cyber-attack overseas to a hut — yes, a hut — in Gaza, a Palestinian city currently in a virtual info-war with Israel.
KSR reader Chris Pullem pinpointed the exact location, which he calls “KSR Haters HQ,” in this aerial image from Google Earth:
As you can see, KSR Haters HQ is located near a giant yellow push pin just outside of Gaza.
What We Know:
The unprovoked attack on Clear Channel left Kentucky Sports Radio listeners without podcasts last week.
What We Believe:
Though the terrorist group’s motive is unclear, we believe its intentions were to accomplish one, if not more, of the following missions:
(I.) Terminate Shannon The Dude’s position as KSR producer and podcast uploader
With six hours of podcasts gone AWOL, show listeners flooded the Twitter mentions and e-mail inboxes of the KSR staff, demanding answers. The blame was initially placed on Shannon The Dude, nearly costing him his job, until traces of the attack were uncovered. We believe the war between Shannon and Muslim extremists dates back to March of 2009, the night of Shannon’s controversial ruling in the Phoenix Hill Booty Judging Contest on Wet Jilbab Night.
(II.) BTI Sucks.
As you’re well aware.
(III.) Shut down the Kroger on Romany Road
It doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to know that an attack on America’s grocery stores is a violent strike on the American economy. And what better way to hit American consumers than jabbing them right in the heart: the Kroger on Romany Road.
By taking away the KSR podcasts, the terrorists took away John Short’s weekly Courtesy Clerk schedule from the public. It’s an inconspicuous, yet brilliant tactic to control spending in the Central Kentucky area.
(IV.) Drew The Employee’s girlfriend is working with Abu Nazir
It sounds crazy, I know. But why else would an established, attractive young female in Chicago be tugging on the heart strings of one of KSR’s finest and most reliable employees?
She used him to get the password to the WKJK studio desktop computer. That’s why.
With “pooptooth1” in the hands of the enemy, the computer’s Windows 98 system never stood a chance.
(V.) Ryan Lemond’s military intel and foreign policy
You wouldn’t know it if you asked him the capital of Oklahoma, but Ryan Lemond’s brain contains more knowledge on America — past, present and future — than a government-issued iPad sitting on a stack of U.S. history textbooks in the oval office. It’s like he swallowed the CIA and chased it down with an ice cold glass of Wikipedia.
A successful attack on Kentucky Sports Radio’s streaming capabilities could potentially keep Lemond from spewing his intelligence on pressing foreign matters and affairs to the nation. And his political opinions and insight are too valuable to America.
What We’re Going To Do About It:
Rose, Lemond, Fake Barney, Jones, Drew The Employeee
Hit our music.